To all the unmatchables...

[an0nym0us123]

Chillii: The 80% thing is for real. Sure, there are plenty of ladies that struggle with OLD, but their struggle is different. While we have guys here that cannot literally even get one date in years, ladies are getting multiple dates, they just often cannot settle for any of those guys.

 

Here's how it works. Any basic woman signs up for OLD around here and is bombarded with messages. Some more than others, but even unattractive women get a ton of messages. I recently followed the OLD adventures of a close friend of mine and she got 6 new guys every day, many of them much more attractive than she is. Now, which guys do you think the ladies focus on the most? When you get a ton of messages, and all you have to go by is a few pictures and a short, generic profile, you judge people cased on pictures. The hottest guys get the most attention from those ladies.

 

On the flip side, there is a reason those hotter guys are messaging those ladies. Easy sex. And they usually get it too. But they don't wanna stick around, because they are trying to get someone more appealing to them for the long term.

 

After he does his smash and dash, the ladies get upset, blaming men for only being interested in sex. She eventually gets bitter. What also happens is she starts to raise her expectations. She thinks she can get those hotter guys now, and good luck getting her to "settle" for a guy that is about as attractive as she is. She keeps ignoring their messages. The cycle continues.

 

I suspect you are pretty much right. A field day for the top 10% of men who will use average or better looking women for sex. I actually know a guy who is pretty handsome who does just this. He dates them and they think he wants a relationship but he just ditches them after a short time.

 

80% cant have 20%, mathematically impossible, they may get a brief shot and thats it. But they wont want to date anyone their own level if they still get hit on but hot guys.

 

Ive found it pretty hard to get anything going with women who i consider on a similar level of attractiveness online. In real life ive been with much more attractive women over the years. Just the way online is i guess

[chillii]

When l was on a date site l didn't even look at so called matches. That's just a computer adding up a few ridiculous similarities like age or some bs and sending a so called match. On mine anyway l wasn't even remotely matched to anything it sent me. Didn't even bother looking at them after the first few days .

Can't you guys just go through the site and choose your own people, that's all l did, or don't those apps work like that.?

Why you even bother with apps op , if you get hit on in real life but nothing on apps, scrap the apps, stick to the real world seems to work for ya. Have you had any long term relationships ?

 

Anyway, another thing l always notice on ls is everyone is all caught up on numbers , l never get that. 3 yrs ago l moved to about the worst area women wise l've ever seen, just staying close to my daughter until she's older.

But even here , in time , l started to notice one, then another, another, started using the other towns around too just in everyday stuff, doesn't take many women to get yourself into trouble and personally l'd rather one quality girl that l can see something with than 100 so so's.

And even in a place like this , before long they started popping up, which is really saying something.

Mind you , l agree a bad area can really bring people down , males and females , but at the same time to my mind you do only need that one, well relationship wise anyway, and if they pop up here they'll pop up anywhere. Mind you if all you wanted to do was sleep around, it would be a long stint between drinks here, different story.

 

Yet a lot of you guys are in large population areas, l just don't see how numbers can be a problem after where l've been living the last 3yrs. The same for different ages. Yeah there's less or there's more or it's this period for the opposite sex or that in some age brackets for sure, but they're still around in any l've found. After being married 20yrs then finding myself out there again later 40s, in an area like this, at first l thought l was doomed for sure. But in time l realized there were women around gone through the same cycle, depressing as it is , and out there again too.

 

 

l need a coffee.

[basil67]

Like I said, I got the old fashioned way under control, and I'm not even usually trying. Don't need advice under that column.

 

You do realise that everyone here has been helping while under the illusion that you're actually "undatable"? And you've made a number of comments about not meeting anyone.

 

Not sure where the truth lies at this point......

[chillii]

Don't get me wrong there are oodles of women around where l am but most of them are married with kids and often over weight and the rest butttt, not all l realized in time.

 

Funny thing, seems as you get the attention in real life op, try what we were doing last night. l live in a high tourist area and my daughter and l often go and just park at the beach if l pick her up after school.

Tourist buses come every 30mins they all just stream past our car , eat on the grass in front of us , walk about.

l think if l was a single man and the chatting up type l'd probably just go park there these days , a lot of them have a very good old look even stand in front of our car. We can't work out why it's usually our car out of hundreds of others there , but it is.

Many of them gorgeous.

So there ya go guys go find a tourist spot and hang out there.

Edited September 19, 2019 by chillii

[mr_ybor]

Women have always wanted the best man they can get, that is not new.

 

 

Men have always wanted sex and have used women, unattractive women, desperate women, gullible women, vulnerable women... to get it without commitment.

 

You should start a house painting business with that broad brush of yours. Suuuuuuuuch a cynical view on people and the world. Me thinks you need better friends.

 

 

Most people end up pairing up. These complainers are outliers.

 

Well, they're people who maybe have paired up and found themselves single again, and haven't found the right person yet. Like I said before, EVERYONE is single at some point in time (more now than ever in recent history) and are just in the process of finding someone.

 

I think people sitting on a forum about people looking for love and interpersonal relationships lamenting "annoying outliers trying to pair up" are really in the wrong place! This is where we're supposed to go for dating advice.

 

 

Can't you guys just go through the site and choose your own people, that's all l did, or don't those apps work like that.?

They do not. Ok Cupid kinda does, but not really (you can browse, and even message, but there's no guarantee that someone will ever even see the message if they don't match back), and Ok Cupid has gone to being mostly a dumpster fire over the last couple of years since they went to this format. The demo on there now is much more like Plenty of Fish these days than the regular apps.

 

 

You do realise that everyone here has been helping while under the illusion that you're actually "undatable"? And you've made a number of comments about not meeting anyone.

 

Well, if they read the thread and what I've written, I've never told anyone that I was "undatable". Beyond the occasional interest (even if maybe less than ideal) IRL, and the fact that I've dated a number of women, and had a handful of mid- to long-term relationships in the past, I think that's pretty clear. There's obviously something appealing about me. Trying to leverage that is the crux of the situation.

 

The thread title and topic is about being unmatchable, and is simply about getting dating apps to work for you as opposed to against you. I suppose if one thinks that's impossible for the "bottom 80%" of men (however the hell that quantified, everyone's got different preferences), then this probably isn't the thread to be posting on.

Edited September 19, 2019 by mr_ybor

[basil67]

Well, if they read the thread and what I've written, I've never told anyone that I was "undatable".

 

Looking back at this thread https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/687252-how-go-about-making-profile-appeal-your-people , I figured that you were so keen to get OLD right because it was your only option for meeting people. I should have asked back then if you were out meeting people in real life...which apparently you can do successfully.

 

I also found that you wrote a lengthy reply to me about 'who you are' which I completely missed. I do apologise for that oversight.

[mr_ybor]

That's okay. You don't need to apologize.

 

There was a point in time, fairly recently, where I felt like OLD was pretty much the only way I could meet people, simply because I was meeting absolutely no one interested in me IRL, and the last four dates & the last girlfriend came from online dating. It's hard to think "real life" is a better option when that's the score.

 

My good luck with meeting women out in the æther has only been very recently, last three or four months or so, mainly after I relocated here locally from the other side of The Bay. I kinda still would like to bank on OLD a bit, at least as an option. Would be nice, as there's surely more options out there online than you'd ever cross paths with in the regular goings-on. I mean you could have similar tastes in music or food, but not the same specific bands or restaurants and never cross paths in real life. Online, you could. Real life is such a crapshoot on many levels. I'm amazed these days how I met anyone out of "real life" in the past. Well, being in a scene helped a lot, but that shouldn't be your only portal to meeting women, IMO.

Edited September 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[an0nym0us123]

I learned all about this stuff the hard way maybe 5 years ago now. A friend of mine invited me back to his place to have a few drinks with him and his roommate. When I got there, both guys were on POF coordinating which girls they were each going to invite over to drink with them, just to make sure they didn't talk to the same girl. I had a GF at the time, but I recognized some of the same ladies from back when I was still on OLD myself. These guys had it down to an art. One guy would invite over girl A tonight and inevitably hook up with her. The other dude would invite over girl B and do the same. Since they were all drinking together, both guys would meet the other girl too. After each dude decided to piss off whatever girl he hooked up with, the roommate would often text her and hang out with her too. Between the two of these guys, they hooked up with literally every decent looking girl on OLD in my area. Some of those girls I remembered messaging without a reply.

.

 

 

Yes and half these women have in there bio- " sick of players and timewasters" or similar. Then continue repeating the same thing over and over.

[mr_ybor]

Indeed! I don't take it as anything negative at all, just that's it's sounding off about what they actually are looking for in a relationship.

 

Of course, none of them match with me... sooooooooooooo... maybe they're interested in wasting their time after all. I'm not a player, and I've got LTR explicitly stated in my profile, yet they all ignore it.

 

Yeah, I don't get this stuff, Enigma. What are we supposed to do here?! Seriously.

Edited September 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[mr_ybor]

So whatever I do, it'll work out. That's the king of all platitudes there, bro. I guess thanks... and that's your last day on Loveshack, mang. He gave all he could give!

Edited September 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[chillii]

Just wondering , why do so many people round here mess around with dating apps, whatever they seem to be never used one.

But they seem pretty hopeless.

Why not join a proper date site, that's what l was on , and it was pretty good actually.

You can email people chat phone if you want from there meet, read about them properly .

l mean there's still a lot of the same ol stuff ya read about round the forum too , many way over rating themselves to the ridiculous and all the other fun and games, not, fakes and scammers ,you just don't bother with those of course they're easily spot'table buttttt, also a lot of decent serious people looking for the same things others are too.

[mr_ybor]

Life is about choice. I am not going to tell you what to do, or what is the best thing to do, you have to decide that. All I can do is give you some ideas. You have to decide what choices are right for you.

 

Good dating app advice 101: Go!

[mr_ybor]

What if your pics are good, but you still don't get matches (I can't send out "a ton of messages" because no apps work like that anymore)?

[Veronica73]

Omg. If this is what dating has come to...I’m done with it. Or I’ll date women instead. Good lord.

 

Edit: but in either case, I think I’ll stay away from OLD.

Edited September 21, 2019 by Veronica73

[mr_ybor]

Omg. If this is what dating has come to...I’m done with it. Or I’ll date women instead. Good lord.

 

Edit: but in either case, I think I’ll stay away from OLD.

 

What? Someone like me legitimately looking for a relationship turns you off? WTF?

[Veronica73]

Sorry, I wasn’t replying to you, ybor, but enigma. This site is picky about post quotes.

[chillii]

What? Someone like me legitimately looking for a relationship turns you off? WTF?

 

 

 

 

ls that what your after , get of the stupid things man try a proper dating site.

[nospam99]

^^^ I observe a 'religious' (i.e. opinion) war between web-based OLD and phone-based OLD. It seems to me that the 'younger crowd', who grew up with smart phones always there, prefers phone-based. ybor, for example, has dissed Match. To be fair, I've written repeatedly that I observe OLD results are heavily dependent on demographics which, in turn, are dependent on age and location. Chillii, I bet your attitude about a 'proper dating site' comes from you having success meeting women on one. On the other hand, there's at least one LSer who recently announced his engagement to a woman I believe he met on Bumble. What works works. When I tried Bumble for a month I saw the same women I see on Match and none of my 'swipe rights' swiped right on me (got to admit I used one awful photo).

[Veronica73]

Enigma: I don’t have an opinion on what men should do. I probably shouldn’t even be posting on this thread as I really, really don’t like OLD. But so many of the single guys on here (this site, not this thread) are so bitter and talk about women like they are just prey or something. All they care about is getting laid. All this “it’s a numbers game” or “it’s rigged” or whatever. Personally, I want to go out with a guy who is really interested in me and attracted to me as a person. I’d like a partner. And I’m not willing to kiss a thousand frogs to find one.

 

I actually should probably get off this site because an awful lot of the single guys on here seem so bitter and misogynist that I think it might be giving me a bad impression of men in general that isn’t warranted.

 

If dating has come down to what it seems an awful lot of people on this site are experiencing and talking about, I think I’m done with it.

 

Edit: Also, ybor isn’t an average-looking guy.

[Veronica73]

Yeah, I’ll steer clear from OLD. That definitely isn’t what I want at all. Thanks for your advice.

[elaine567]

I was on Tinder for months and only got 4 matches in all that time. Had a date lined up with one of them, but what did she do? Flake and ghost on me the day prior to the date.

 

I get it, you had a bad experience on OLD, I am not sure you can extrapolate that bad experience onto everyone...

OK we get our share of similarly unsuccessful guys here winding each other up about "women" and getting more frustrated and bitter, by the day.

However if OLD was really that bad for men in general, every app and dating site would close down within the week..

[nospam99]

However if OLD was really that bad for men in general, every app and dating site would close down within the week..

 

nah ... a) 'Hope springs eternal' and b) as much as I'm trying other things (or the next guy is), it's been repeated here that OLD has advantages ... the expectation that the people there are unattached and searching for ... either sex or love or both; and having a priori information about one's dating target.

[Ellener]

'I've written repeatedly that I observe OLD results are heavily dependent on demographics which, in turn, are dependent on age and location. '

 

I think you are right nospam99, in several ways not just numbers. I'm not from Texas, and I don't see myself fitting into a long term relationship with a large number of the men here, since I find much of what they consider Southern charm offensive or sexist! If I want to meet older conservative white men I'd be better to look around me in churches or volunteer organisations, at least get a true sense of the person's behavior.

 

That demographic also seems highly represented online so far, which surprised me- I thought it would be more the people looking outside of 'traditional' cultural niches like me- so I'm using OLD as a filter to learn about myself right now. Not as in-your-face as the man who wrote 'no Trump supporters' on his profile! But in the same spirit. I've lived here almost 20 years and if the 'traditional' ways of life here haven't become my norms by now they are not going to. No matter how attractive someone is there are aspects of my character that will not change, that I don't want to change.

 

That's been a huge learning curve for me about doing this so far and realizing I'd rather be single than try to change those things. I know all relationships require certain changes to work, but I'm very conscious now of what's not going to work for me. Which I wasn't before. That was worth the $200 just to clarify!

 

'I want to go out with a guy who is really interested in me and attracted to me as a person. I’d like a partner. And I’m not willing to kiss a thousand frogs to find one.'

 

agree Veronica, and this 'kissing the frog just to get to a prince is waste of a perfectly good frog' ( Jim Benton, comedian, quote )

 

I doubt many men I would be compatible with would have professional photos made, or conversely post multiple semi-nude bathroom selfies, pose with guns, or introduce themselves in the same first sentence along with The Lord.

 

I've switched off the daily 'matches' for me already after three weeks- it'll be something random finds me a partner, not a numbers game at all.

 

'Chillii, I bet your attitude about a 'proper dating site' comes from you having success meeting women on one. ' ( nospam99 )

Cognitive bias.

Seems like a ton of that in OLD.

Someone said on another thread about dating after many years and getting used to the people being 20 years older, not having an image in mind from 20 years ago, for example...

[mr_ybor]

Sorry, I wasn’t replying to you, ybor, but enigma. This site is picky about post quotes.

 

Oh, my bad. I figured I was being clear that I was looking for a serious relationship and not using apps to "con women into sex".

 

 

ls that what your after , get of the stupid things man try a proper dating site.

 

Well, I'm on Ok Cupid, which I dunno if that's considered "proper" or not. Also on one called AltScene which is optimized more for desktop than mobile and lacks a swipe-to-match function entirely, though is kinda niche.

[an0nym0us123]

The most "serious" site i used was match, and it was pretty hopeless tbh. Pof was more or less hopeless. I did have a casual 3 month fling with one i met on there. On both these sites most messages were ignored.

 

I live in the UK and tinder has been the best app of all surprisingly. Im in a fairly remote location but I reset my account a week ago and have 60 matches and another 40 likes, 10 women initiating. Im clearly not totally ugly.

 

But i find most things fizzle out fairly quick. Or i find out they are miles away or are not compatible with what im after