I think he’s lying...

[jidamo]

I found out he and this coworker have gotten close; she texts him basically every day, I have no idea what about. I didn’t really care, but I thought it was weird how he would check his phone so I wouldn’t see his screen.

 

We’ve been arguing about it, and I get it. It’s annoying.

 

I never told him he couldn’t go out or have friends or anything. I really don’t get on his case about much of anything.

 

He’s been going out with a new group of people at work that this girl works with. Maybe he’s trying to fit in but it feels different this time. It sort of looks like he’s buying her drinks and dinner when they go out...He says it’s like every other female friend he’s had. But I feel sick right now. He’s never bought them drinks or food? I don’t remember him ever doing that.

 

Whats weird is that he brought up something he said to me a long time ago: he’d love me no matter what, even if I cheated on him. Thanks? I don’t feel the same lol.

 

I don’t think he’s be the type to go out and sleep with someone else.

 

How do I deal with my feelings?

Edited July 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Beendaredonedat]

It's sad that he's making you feel this way. Its really crappy that he's left you at home to take her out to dinner and it's really ridiculous that he can see how that would be crazy making. If she's just a friend why didn't he invite you to go with him and introduce you to her?

 

I think you need to talk to him about how him doing this makes you feel, how it appears that he is having an emotional affair with her and you respect yourself too much to stick around with him while he does such things that are so disrespectful to you and your relationship. Don't stick around if he can't see how inappropriate his interaction with her is.

 

What he's doing, when in a committed relationship is not right. She is not someone that has been in his life for a long time in a platonic way. She is new to him and he's doing date like activities with her.

 

Sorry.

[smackie9]

-He says it’s like every other female friend he’s had.

 

 

 

Girl he's gaslighting you! His actions are inappropriate for someone that is in a committed relationship.

You are not being insecure, you are being a concerned GF, because your BF is having an emotional affair. He is literally dating this girl under your nose.

Any true loving person would respect how you feel over this. He is being selfish, and is going out of his way to make you feel bad. He is choosing to defend this girl...you know what that means....time to kick him to the curb. I'd be done with him if he can't show any concern or remorse.

[ExpatInItaly]

Whats weird is that he brought up something he said to me a long time ago: he’d love me no matter what, even if I cheated on him. Thanks? I don’t feel the same lol.

 

This raises an eyebrow for me. It sounds like he was feeling you out to see if you'd say the same back, thus tacitly giving him a green card to cheat.

 

However, to clarify, in what context did he bring up with comment?

[Inspire]

Even if he isn't necessarily cheating, his conduct creates the appearance that there is something more to this. That in itself isn't good because that begins to instill doubt.

[schlumpy]

I've no idea what your relationship is. Is this your husband/boyfriend/roommate with benefits? Do you have children? Are you working a paid job or housewife? Those are important details.

 

I have to assume you are free to act without being encumbered by children and that you wish to keep this relationship intact.

 

No more accusations unless you have proof. Check his phone records and see how much they are texting and when it began.

 

Take direct bold action:

 

Show up at one of the dinners dressed to the nines. Introduce yourself to the co-worker. Don't allow yourself to be faceless. It's possible she may end up liking you. Don't allow him to push you into the background. If they want each other - they will have step over you first.

 

Find out who the secretaries are at his workplace and see if you can't make a friend who will look out for your interest. Think allies.

 

If you want evidence then you need to get a voice activated recorder and bug his car. Use heavy duty Velcro and put it under the drivers seat or under the steering column is another place that is popular.

 

I certainly don't know the details of situation so my suggestions are just general in nature and you will have adapt them to the realities of your own life.

 

 

Best Wishes

Edited July 22, 2019 by schlumpy

[elaine567]

I don’t think he’s be the type to go out and sleep with someone else.

 

And what type is that?

Seems to me it is very difficult to isolate a "type" of man who will cheat.

All kinds of men cheat and all kinds of men remain loyal.

The fact he is out there paying for this girl's drinks and meals and they are in close contact by text (which he is hiding from you) doesn't fill me with certainty he is the "type" who will be true to you.

Sorry.

[JeanGray]

I found out he and this coworker have gotten close; she texts him basically every day, I have no idea what about. I didn’t really care, but I thought it was weird how he would check his phone so I wouldn’t see his screen.

 

We’ve been arguing about it, and I get it. It’s annoying.

 

I never told him he couldn’t go out or have friends or anything. I really don’t get on his case about much of anything.

 

He’s been going out with a new group of people at work that this girl works with. Maybe he’s trying to fit in but it feels different this time. It sort of looks like he’s buying her drinks and dinner when they go out...He says it’s like every other female friend he’s had. But I feel sick right now. He’s never bought them drinks or food? I don’t remember him ever doing that.

 

Whats weird is that he brought up something he said to me a long time ago: he’d love me no matter what, even if I cheated on him. Thanks? I don’t feel the same lol.

 

I don’t think he’s be the type to go out and sleep with someone else.

 

How do I deal with my feelings?

 

I wouldn't tolerate this behaviour.

 

Why do they need to be communicating so much? Is their work that important? Ask him, what is so important that you need to be discussing After Work Hours, Every Single Day?

 

Then you have his hiding the screen behavior and the recent "he'd loved you if you cheated?"

 

Yes, he's displaying classic cheating 101 textbook behaviours. Next he will be saying that he is suspicious of you, to deflect from his spotlight.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Even if he isn't necessarily cheating, his conduct creates the appearance that there is something more to this. That in itself isn't good because that begins to instill doubt.

 

Precisely.

 

The fact that he knows how you feel and rather than adjust in such a way that makes it more comfortable for you, and in turn your relationship, he's basically telling you to get over it because he's not changing anything.

 

Not cool.

[PRW]

Tell him you got asked out by a guy at your work and ask what he thinks you should do about it. See what his response it. Yea, it is a bit of a cruel test, but I think he is asking for it.

[SpiceCat]

Tell him you got asked out by a guy at your work and ask what he thinks you should do about it. See what his response it. Yea, it is a bit of a cruel test, but I think he is asking for it.

 

OP if you're still around, please don't do this. This is incredibly immature and ridiculous.