Asked a Female Co-Worker Out and Things Have Gone Downhill

[AUfan87]

There is this girl at work who is probably the most outgoing person I have ever seen. She friendly with pretty each everyone in the plant and is always laughing and engaging in banter with co-workers including myself. We work different shifts but are usually able to speak to each other everyday even if it is just a hello. I found that she had gone out on a date and I asked her how it went

 

"OK yeah it was OK" she responded without smiling and looking rather tense

 

To which I replied:

"If you want to we could hang out sometime"

 

She looked shocked and boded her head and said "yeah" and then quickly added "but I'm busy this week and I am going out of town all next week"

 

After she got back from vacation, i went up to her wished her a happy birthday and made a couple of jokes. She didn't look at me. Instead she was playing with something on her hand and seemed nervous which is out of character for her. The rest of the week she refused to make eye contact with me. If said hi/bye to her she would throw up her hand walk away quickly. I took out her trash from her work station so she could get clocked out faster and she didn't say thank you or smile when she usually does

 

 

 

How do you all read this? Why would she go from being pleasant with me to acting like this. We have known each other for around 9 months.

 

 

 

Its ok if we never go out. I was just plannng a lunch get together somewhere on saturday/sunday afternoon. It just hurts my self esteem thats all

 

 

Thanks

[smackie9]

She's not interested! She knows now her being friendly towards you has made you interested in dating her, so she has shut that all off as to not lead you on.....get it?

Tip: when they quickly come up with excuses, the answer is a NO. They don't come out and say NO because they don't like to bold face reject someone.

Edited July 13, 2019 by smackie9

[ExpatInItaly]

Ah, sorry to hear it, OP.

 

She is not interested. She probably just feels a bit awkward now that she knows like her as more than a friend and she doesn't feel the same way. It would have been better for her to let you know that directly, but a lot of folks don't have the heart to be that bold.

 

I would be civil and professional but I wouldn't ask her out again. She isn't giving you any signals that she is genuinely into the idea.

[elaine567]

By getting personal and asking how the date went. you went from friendly guy at work, to someone who was interested in her "romantically".

She is not interested, which makes interactions with you now awkward. She is now on the defensive, she is probably worried you will ask her out again, so is not giving you the chance to back her into that corner.

[Normm]

There's a ton of available women out there. Stay away from workplace dating- because most of the time things don't work out and then you're stuck seeing an ex every single day at work. Or, things just get weird and awkward when one of the two people isn't interested, as you are now well aware.

 

 

If it was me, I'd approach it head on. Well if it was me I never would have asked out a workplace chick in the first place but if I did, I'd try to mitigate the situation. Casually tell her hey you're sorry if she took your invitation wrong and it's all good and let's just get back to being friends.

 

Anything's better than the awkward nervous silence.

[Lupo]

Ah, sorry to hear it.

 

The thing is, is she never gave any sign she'd be interested in a date. She seems to have spoken with you in passing. As for her persona she is likely like myself - confident, outgoing and sociable - and as such easily/naturally friendly. Such behaviour though doesn't necessarily mean anything.

 

I will tell you sometimes people read too much into someone being overly friendly and it can make the friendly person uncomfortable. This is not what they expected. A friendly person is just being friendly.

 

 

Now a bit of advice.

 

Back off for a bit. You are making her uncomfortable. This is quite obvious by her avoiding you & limiting her interactions with you to the bare minimum or less. Stop trying to get close to her. Continue and depending on how she views the situation(s) she may just go to the boss/HR.

Edited July 13, 2019 by Lupo

[Inspire]

 

How do you all read this? Why would she go from being pleasant with me to acting like this. We have known each other for around 9 months.

 

 

How would I read this? She's not interested. You asked her out and her interactions with you went from pleasant to awkward/standoffish.

[kendahke]

Don't poop where you eat

[alphamale]

Don't poop where you eat

and don't bark up the wrong tree

[Foxhall]

well done for asking her out anyway,

 

 

a thick skin is important as regards dating,

 

 

there will be plenty of knockbacks, don't worry about it and move on.

[LuckyM]

She is brushing you off. Has happened to me loads of times. After you showed interest, she is backing away! If you pursue her, she may become rude and avoid you entirely. Whether they are married or single--they will flee, sometimes actually.

One time a girl literally ran down the stairs after seeing me---that was rude

because she knew I liked her.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Don't poop where you eat

 

Re-posted for emphasis.

 

It's rarely a good idea.