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My low self esteem is lingering in my relationship

Roadrunner234

By Roadrunner234,
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

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Roadrunner234

Roadrunner234

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Hi guys.

I have always had low self-esteem problems. It's in tidal waves - sometimes I feel great, sometimes it hits me. It has been a cause for many bad moments in past relationships.

Now I somehow found myself in a great relationship. I love this man to bits and he seems to reciprocate. Which, being the LSE person I am, it surprises me. What does he see in me?

 

He is handsome, has a stable job, is a great cook (!), is crafty around the house, always makes the right decision, has great hobbies like photography, extreme sports, studying foreign cultures, etc.

 

Meanwhile, me - okayish in looks, a freelancer who is mostly dissatisfied with my quality of work, I suck at cooking (but I try), I fail around the house a lot, I mostly make the wrong decision and as for hobbies, I'm not good in anything other than painting. Sometimes I even think I suck at it, too.

 

All in all, he feels close to perfect, while I feel close to the worst. I feel like I don't bring much to the table.

At one side, he stimulates me to be better and try harder. At another, I feel so unaccomplished next to him and I sometimes worry how I look in his eyes in comparison.

 

Has anyone else ever been in my shoes?

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basil67

basil67

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Oh Roadrunner, you are so unkind to yourself. I'm sure you wouldn't be so unkind to a friend.

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Roadrunner234

Roadrunner234

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Oh Roadrunner, you are so unkind to yourself. I'm sure you wouldn't be so unkind to a friend.

 

Well... it feels like the honest truth :(

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Has anyone else ever been in my shoes?

 

I doubt myself every day. All you can do is get therapy or at least read books on how to improve your self esteem. you are the only one who can fix this but until you love yourself nobody else will be able to love you in a way that fills what's missing in your life.

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Roadrunner234

Roadrunner234

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I doubt myself every day. All you can do is get therapy or at least read books on how to improve your self esteem. you are the only one who can fix this but until you love yourself nobody else will be able to love you in a way that fills what's missing in your life.

 

My love for myself is very conditional. That is, I love myself until I compare myself to the next person. Then I see how much I'm lacking.

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Foxhall

Foxhall

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to be a good painter is a great gift,

 

My friend she can produce amazing art, oil paintings and all I can say really is how do you do that??

 

many people can only dream of having that creativity and skill,

 

you mention being a freelancer, that is good too to be an independent thinker, it can get a little lonely at times, you may not have enough support to boost your ego and so on,

 

focus on what you are good at and explore what you enjoy, no need to compare yourself to other people, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.

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Gmartz

Gmartz

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I figured out this year that if you believe that you're less than, if you believe that you're not as good as others, if you're always doubting yourself.. you'll always remain at that nesting place of feeling less than, living with self-doubt, living with fear, low self-esteem.. no matter what you do.. because that's where everything "clicks". It's comfortable even though it's NOT comfortable because it's what you're used to. Sometimes one will even self-sabotage things for themselves, just so they don't stray too far from that comfort zone. It's like a comfort zone, but not comfortable at all because, I'm pretty sure you don't like worrying all the time about things like this, or self-doubting all the time, thinking you suck at things, right?

 

 

If you're in a great relationship with this guy, and he enjoys being with you, he obviously sees something in you. Why question it? You ARE bringing something to the table. As for hobbies, how many do you need? Painting is awesome. If you enjoy it, who cares how good you are at it? I'm also willing to bet that he doesn't always make the right decision. Maybe with your love goggles on (:laugh:) but don't forget that we're all human, we all make mistakes, we learn from them, we move on.

 

 

If things are going good in this relationship, don't look for things to be bad. Don't second guess it. Don't overthink it. Just go with it and try and give yourself more credit.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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My love for myself is very conditional. That is, I love myself until I compare myself to the next person. Then I see how much I'm lacking.

 

You have to stop doing that. It can be hard. . . they look more successful, happier, richer whatever but they are not. Get off social media for a while too; that can make you nuts.

 

One good way to stop this is to keep a gratitude journal. Every morning write down 3 unique things that are going right in your life, for which you are grateful. Make another list of 3 before you go to bed. Read the list every week. The specific things can be profound or trivial but you must find the good in your own life. It really does help if you keep at it.

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

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Meanwhile, me - okayish in looks, a freelancer who is mostly dissatisfied with my quality of work, I suck at cooking (but I try), I fail around the house a lot, I mostly make the wrong decision and as for hobbies, I'm not good in anything other than painting. Sometimes I even think I suck at it, too.

 

I'm going to guess this "handsome, close to perfect" man would disagree with almost all this assessment, why else would he be interested in you?

 

Like jealousy, LSE becomes prophecy, you fail because you think you will.

 

I try to think "no one else is me, so I'm going to be the best me I can be". You're only competing with yourself....

 

Mr. Lucky

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LuckyM

LuckyM

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Reading about self esteem will not help probably.

 

I knew people who were figure and portrait models for art classes. That will boost your self esteem because everyone is staring and focusing on you and appreciating your body (nude or clothed) and it pays decently. You don't have to be beautiful or a great figure, just yourself. Learn how to sit very still and free with your bod. It's not work--it's fun!

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gaius

gaius

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Men's attraction generally isn't based on any of the things you mentioned. Job, hobbies. Whether you paint like Da Vinci or a kindergartner, doesn't matter. You're not competing with him on that level.

 

The dynamics that do play into attraction are different, more primal, and you must be good at those or else he wouldn't be interested in you. There are plenty of women who are bad and couldn't land even a total loser despite their best attempts.

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The Outlaw

The Outlaw

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I feel the same from time to time, but you know what they say-opposites attract. And he clearly sees something in you that you don't see in yourself.

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  • 2 weeks later...
GrateHelx

GrateHelx

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I suffer from low self esteem. And i honestly think that you shouldn’t be with someone because you will start to project your insecurities on to the other pwrson

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