Problems of finding lovers

[workslink]

On 4/14/2020 at 5:50 PM, basil67 said:

I don't understand.  Can you explain further?  

Quote

...have a look at all of those less than perfect people in relationships. And have a look at how most (excluding those rare people who married their high school love) have been rejected and had more than one relationship.

Okay, Perphas I overlooked that part. So here's my response to that:

What's your aim on that? Because you're also implying that you want me to pick the less than perfect people. Like that's ridiculous, I thought that's what growing up is all about.  

Edited April 22, 2020 by workslink

[basil67]

Perfection doesn't exist.  If you won't accept less than perfect, then stay single.  It's your choice.

[workslink]

On 4/22/2020 at 6:11 PM, basil67 said:

Perfection doesn't exist.  If you won't accept less than perfect, then stay single.  It's your choice.

Especially from my unpopular observation is that by accepting that I'm the worst guy in the world as the very foundation of the life of the universe, it would lead to the disappearance of all order that is conceivable to the human mind. And thus the adoption of such a law would provoke chaos in the structure of the greatest organism that we know, with the result that the inhabitants of this earthly planet would finally disappear (Not really since it's just an exaggeration that I'll think about writing a fictional/alternative story, more on that later).

Edited April 24, 2020 by workslink

[workslink]

I’d bet people ask this question that if Perfection doesn’t exist is, then how long and how low would they continue to lower our standards?

Edited April 29, 2020 by workslink

[workslink]

I'll put this in summary in case of you people have no idea what am I talking about:

The reason why First, I move things way too fast with my partner. According to her, when she first unfriends me because of spam, later a week later, I friended her back with an apology. Secondly, I was expecting her to be flawless. Thirdly my mind is elsewhere, and Lastly, I developed anxiety (Yes, I have some mental health issues besides stress and even got into way too many accidents as a youth) since first she doesn't know me in real life. Secondly, her half-brother accused me of being way too kind (More on MRA stuff later by Glover himself) because I feared that she would never interact with anyone on the social matter regardless of her social anxiety.

However, her half-brother insisted that I shouldn't do that because it's "common sense to never meet with anyone who has their disability."
I laughed it so hard at first, and then I thought to myself, "Guess what? *laughs* She does nothing" most likely because I thought that's what growing up is all about from what kids and teens (and possibly adults) told me before. But now you're telling me that it doesn't work?

Now you might go to ask, How do I know this? Well, it's because after I watch a youtube video entitled "6 Signs You Were Never in Love," that kinda fits on my description about myself.

Edited May 27, 2020 by workslink

[basil67]

I'm sorry workslink.  I don't understand what you just wrote.  

[workslink]

Okay thanks for your understanding of my attempts to describe my feelings and thoughts. I'll just try to do my best from what you have advised me before.

Edited May 28, 2020 by workslink

[miranda561]

On 4/23/2020 at 12:43 AM, workslink said:

Okay, Perphas I overlooked that part. So here's my response to that:

What's your aim on that? Because you're also implying that you want me to pick the less than perfect people. Like that's ridiculous, I thought that's what growing up is all about.  

No ones perfect

Even being the most idealistic of personalities ive figured that out

[workslink]

Not to mention that I also thought that's what getting married and have kids is all about from what teens and maybe adults said it to me constantly whatever I'm being "immature" online over trolling (More on that later). If that's the case, I'll give it a try see if I get rejected constantly because I'd bet I'll get into a shock of making mistakes on that when I honestly don't understand why whatsoever like a guy in japan has ever done when it comes to getting rejected that he can't handle it properly and getting bullied (Well kinda unlike him). @miranda561

 

Yes I know, I forget things of posting this all because I'm trying to figure out how to get things to work for me to talk to a girl in person not at online.

Edited June 6, 2020 by workslink

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, workslink said:

I'm trying to figure out how to get things to work for me to talk to a girl in person not at online.

But you *are* online. Write it so people can understand then I think you'll get some good advice.

[Ellener]

It's more difficult with the pandemic, but that will be over soon in most places.

 

[workslink]

4 minutes ago, Ellener said:

But you *are* online. Write it so people can understand then I think you'll get some good advice.

Yeah good point. I'm mostly talking about what should I need to do in the meantime apart from the panademic.

[d0nnivain]

Let me see if I can understand. 

 

You met a girl & her brother on a You Tube channel where you were all fans of the content.  At some point she deleted you thinking your messages to her were spam.  She added you back eventually. 

Did you ever meet in real life? 

You are lonely.  You want a romantic relationship.  But you have no experience with relationships & you feel like you make mistakes when you trip up.  That is understandable.  Social skills are just that skills.  You need to learn them & practice them. 

You say you have anxiety.  Get some therapy for that.  Don't think it's a bad thing.  If you had Covid-19 you'd get medical help right?  This is no different. 

You have to stop looking for objective perfection.  Nobody is perfect but somebody is perfect for you.  Setting realistic standards is not the same as settling.  You don't have to be with somebody who you don't find attractive but if you are not famous, rich or a supermodel yourself, it's unlikely that you will be able to date a supermodel.  Besides while they may look "perfect" beautiful people tend to have other  problems & don't make great long term partners.  

Do not try to find love through on line platforms.  When devices separate people they can hide their true selves.  On a trivial note look at all the people who look great on top on TV or in their Zoom meetings but in fact aren't wearing pants.  You can't see the whole picture on line.  Knowing that you can't trust what you don't see on line.  Unfortunately until lock down ends talking in person might not be that easy.  

While you are waiting for the world to re-open, read books about relationships, Find information about social cues.  Somewhere based on the syntax of your post, I suspect you are missing several.  That is not an insult; I share it as a constructive observation so that you know where to focus your efforts for personal growth.  

 

 

 

Edited June 6, 2020 by d0nnivain

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Let me see if I can understand. 

 

You met a girl & her brother on a You Tube channel where you were all fans of the content.  At some point she deleted you thinking your messages to her were spam.  She added you back eventually. 

Did you ever meet in real life? 

You are lonely.  You want a romantic relationship.  But you have no experience with relationships & you feel like you make mistakes when you trip up.  That is understandable.  Social skills are just that skills.  You need to learn them & practice them. 

You say you have anxiety.  Get some therapy for that.  Don't think it's a bad thing.  If you had Covid-19 you'd get medical help right?  This is no different. 

Do not try to find love through on line platforms.  When devices separate people they can hide their true selves.  On a trivial note look at all the people who look great on top on TV or in their Zoom meetings but in fact aren't wearing pants.  You can't see the whole picture on line.  Knowing that you can't trust what you don't see on line.  Unfortunately until lock down ends talking in person might not be that easy.  

 

 

 

Its funny you say that as there is a consensus on that opinion.

How people can hide themselves online when there is a barrier in between.

The guy i posted a thread about a while back always  said people can be disingenuous online... he always suspected me of this. Of course its not true..i am actually who i say i am. But i cant blame someone for thinking this way. 

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Its funny you say that as there is a consensus on that opinion.

How people can hide themselves online when there is a barrier in between.

The guy i posted a thread about a while back always  said people can be disingenuous online... he always suspected me of this. Of course its not true..i am actually who i say i am. But i cant blame someone for thinking this way. 

I'm sure there are good genuine people on line.  The truth is that it is easier to be something you are not on line.  There is a song called I'm So Much Cooler On Line.  It's  about a kid living in his mom's basement telling women he meets on line that he's a playboy millionaire.  

[miranda561]

9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm sure there are good genuine people on line.  The truth is that it is easier to be something you are not on line.  There is a song called I'm So Much Cooler On Line.  It's  about a kid living in his mom's basement telling women he meets on line that he's a playboy millionaire.  

True. I don't  doubt there are many people with false identities. And pretending to be something  theyre not. 

[workslink]

19 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You met a girl & her brother on a You Tube channel where you were all fans of the content.  At some point she deleted you thinking your messages to her were spam.  She added you back eventually. 

Correct, when I brought that subject up a few months later in the Summer of 2019, I started again to discuss with her brother about that. I got angry at him over she does not see through the same lens as anyone else as I called her out when her brother said to me that it's "common sense never to date anyone who has social anxiety." I made a forced confession that I "can't handle responsibility" and told me to stay away from her life at all I chose not to and I unfriend him for that since he doesn't trust me around her, I don't trust him. All because I honestly don't understand what is "handling the responsibility" the right way? That is something I don't have a clue as well.

 

19 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Did you ever meet in real life? 

Believe me, I tried but failed, therefore no.

 

19 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You don't have to be with somebody who you don't find attractive but if you are not famous, rich or a supermodel yourself, it's unlikely that you will be able to date a supermodel.

I understand because again, she told us that she's not so famous or even being rich at all. Not to mention that I'm striving to fix her such as improving herself her by making a good game I've made online so I can make money off it as a freelancer (It's Roblox if you don't know).

 

19 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Somewhere based on the syntax of your post, I suspect you are missing several.  That is not an insult; I share it as a constructive observation so that you know where to focus your efforts for personal growth.  

Let me tell you a little about myself, I thought that I did express myself accurately, but when I tried to explain others about any of those subjects, I was shocked that nobody, and I do mean NOBODY, understands me. I was like, say what? That's what I learned from Elementary to High School, but I have no clue the nature of learning. I've got to admit. Being a mentally disabled student faced even greater struggles when it comes to learning English and Math.

 

I also think it's an insult from what others have looked at me creepy and funny because I thought I was typing beautiful like you people.

 

 

 

 

Edited June 7, 2020 by workslink

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, workslink said:

Not to mention that I'm striving to fix her such as improving herself her by making a good game I've made online so I can make money off it as a freelancer (It's Roblox if you don't know).

Good luck with your online game. Someone other than this girl can help you with that.

 

[d0nnivain]

People can be cruel especially when they encounter folks like you who are not like them.  If you have a learning disability, you have struggles with social cues.  You also have a good heart.  The combo can leave you even more vulnerable to the mean people. This is especially true on the internet  Being able to hide behind a screen give some people license to be even more cruel.  It's why you need to be VERY circumspect about what you reveal to strangers.  

As significant as your relationship with this woman & her brother were to you, it wasn't real to them.  Too often people on the 'net forget that there are real people on the other side of the screens / keyboards.

You hoped for & pushed for more & that became too much for their family.  

Going forward find people who share your interest in gaming.  Don't get emotionally hung up on any person that you have not actually met in person.  You need to look somebody in the eyes to assess their character.  If you are pushing for a meeting & the other person doesn't jump on board, they are catfishing you.  Run away.  

[Lotsgoingon]

On 7/24/2019 at 2:50 AM, workslink said:

 

I would prefer not to reveal my condition yet.

Whatever you condition is you want to start researching the social challenges of that particular condition--and how to begin to work around those challenges. Don't be afraid to find an online support group or  real life support group or counseling group. 

[workslink]

On 6/7/2020 at 1:29 PM, d0nnivain said:

People can be cruel especially when they encounter folks like you who are not like them.  If you have a learning disability, you have struggles with social cues.  You also have a good heart.  The combo can leave you even more vulnerable to the mean people. This is especially true on the internet  Being able to hide behind a screen give some people license to be even more cruel.  It's why you need to be VERY circumspect about what you reveal to strangers.  

As significant as your relationship with this woman & her brother were to you, it wasn't real to them.  Too often people on the 'net forget that there are real people on the other side of the screens / keyboards.

You hoped for & pushed for more & that became too much for their family.  

Going forward find people who share your interest in gaming.  Don't get emotionally hung up on any person that you have not actually met in person.  You need to look somebody in the eyes to assess their character.  If you are pushing for a meeting & the other person doesn't jump on board, they are catfishing you.  Run away.  

I understand, especially I'm trying to show some sympathy, empathy and etc of others and being open-minded to stuff like she does. When I originally thought that she hates me as I was sad in the terrible way as I talked to her on things didn't work out, she responded me of saying that she would never ever hated me. It's just her social anxiety that got best out of her, then I realized; if she doesn't hated me, then there's no reason to do that. I explained extensively her in the honest way as possible about myself and she finally understood.

Edited June 11, 2020 by workslink