How to accept being undesirable?

[LightWave93]

"LoveShack.org is designed and operated to promote collaboration and to offer support to persons seeking advice...let our caring, close-knit community help you find the answers for yourself!"

 

Taken from the homepage. If I'm unwelcome here, then feel free to make it known / ban me, but otherwise I believe I have a right to vent my feelings and seek support.

 

I need to come to terms with the fact that I'm undesirable. I'm sick of being told I'm "good-looking", "a great catch" and all manner of other complimentary gestures whilst having nothing to show for it. Either I find a solution to my problem, or I give up entirely, and since four years of advice-seeking, professional support and improving my life haven't worked...I'm assuming it's the latter path I need to go down.

 

I've never lied to anyone here. I've always been open and honest, despite my hesitancy to do so on a public forum. All I'm asking for is your support, so please...help me.

[normal person]

Before people start giving advice, why don't you save everyone the time and give a list of things that are off limits for discussion, and things that can be considered? People rehashing old talking points seems to be a large source of contention for you.

[littleblackheart]

Do you accept that the sky is blue? Same thing.

 

There is no trick of the mind. You accept it by literally telling yourself 'I accept that I am undesirable'.

 

The only hurdle you have is that you also have to believe that you are undesirable. You won't accept it until you believe it. You don't really want to be believe it because you want to be desirable (whatever that means to you). Catch 22.

 

To add - I have no idea or opinion on whether you are desirable or not, since I don't know you. I'm simply replying to the question in the OP.

[basil67]

There are about 3-4 other dudes who frequently post the same question here. What discussions have you had with them about acceptance? Talking to people in similar situations is going to be far more fruitful than asking those of us who've never had to deal with the situation.

[preraph]

Have you already posted a link to a full CURRENT photo of yourself (dressed!) here and giving your age, height, weight? I see you say you've done elsewhere. Maybe people here will be real honest about your looks. You can do it as your avatar or on your profile, but a link would show more details. Don't put anything obscuring your face or some weird angle. Put one that really looks like you.

[LightWave93]

Before people start giving advice, why don't you save everyone the time and give a list of things that are off limits for discussion, and things that can be considered? People rehashing old talking points seems to be a large source of contention for you.

 

Don't indirectly accuse me of lying, assume everyone else around me is, or pull "facts" out of thin air.

 

My threads would have gone a whole lot smoother if some people hadn't manipulated the information I'd provided them.

 

There are about 3-4 other dudes who frequently post the same question here. What discussions have you had with them about acceptance? Talking to people in similar situations is going to be far more fruitful than asking those of us who've never had to deal with the situation.

 

I'm open to talking to everyone.

 

Have you already posted a link to a full CURRENT photo of yourself (dressed!) here and giving your age, height, weight? I see you say you've done elsewhere. Maybe people here will be real honest about your looks. You can do it as your avatar or on your profile, but a link would show more details. Don't put anything obscuring your face or some weird angle. Put one that really looks like you.

 

I have done so, privately. Not posting publically. Every user I have shown a picture to, most recently happy_lemming, has said I'm good-looking. I linked them to my Instagram so they could see a whole range of photos and my lifestyle.

[basil67]

I'm open to talking to everyone.

 

I asked "what discussions have you had with them?" Have you read their posts? Have you reached out to them with thoughts on your shared difficulties?

[alphamale]

i'm not getting sucked into this discussion

[littleblackheart]

This is getting confusing. OP, do you actually want help accepting you are undesirable (I gave you concrete steps), or do you want to be reassured that you are desirable? If so, both the title and the OP are very misleading...

 

If this is neither, perhaps this could be moved to the 'venting' section?

[Foxhall]

You need to find a little spark something to boost your spirits,

 

meeting a nice Mexican lady or something,

 

keep plugging away, you have loads of time to strike yet.

[basil67]

If your photos have been deemed acceptable, then it's your social skills. You recently wrote something about not having friends or being included the whole time you were at Uni. Thing is, one can still have friends even if they aren't attractive - but no friends stems from poor social skills one way or another.

 

I don't know why the people you've spoken to haven't picked this up. Did you also speak with with them about not being able to make friends at Uni?

[chillii]

Well , you keep saying your good looking well, you've got a lot less problems then than the other 80% of the population then yet they get partners. Because only about 20% would be called good looking the rest of us are just human.

So l'd say one of your biggest issues could be you seem to think it's just all about looks.

[LightWave93]

Already people are making stuff up. Please read what I post, guys.

 

i'm not getting sucked into this discussion

 

Don't post then.

 

This is getting confusing. OP, do you actually want help accepting you are undesirable (I gave you concrete steps), or do you want to be reassured that you are desirable? If so, both the title and the OP are very misleading...

 

If this is neither, perhaps this could be moved to the 'venting' section?

 

I didn't ask for validation. Someone made a query regarding my appearance and I responded.

 

If your photos have been deemed acceptable, then it's your social skills. You recently wrote something about not having friends or being included the whole time you were at Uni. Thing is, one can still have friends even if they aren't attractive - but no friends stems from poor social skills one way or another.

 

I don't know why the people you've spoken to haven't picked this up. Did you also speak with with them about not being able to make friends at Uni?

 

I don't have poor social skills; I've mentioned before how I've been described as a people-person.

 

I'm a quality over quantity person; I recently cut off many toxic people I associated with. I'm hoping my career will have new opportunities.

 

Well , you keep saying your good looking well, you've got a lot less problems then than the other 80% of the population then yet they get partners. Because only about 20% would be called good looking the rest of us are just human.

So l'd say one of your biggest issues could be you seem to think it's just all about looks.

 

No, other people keep saying I'm good-looking. I'm indifferent. I don't factor in my looks at all, however fact of the matter is one's appearance is an element that attracts women. I don't.