Why would a girl constantly flirt, then get really awkward when he makes a move?

[LeadDergible]

She would smile to herself and fix her hair when she saw me, sometimes stare deeply into my eyes with a warm smile, and occasionally would look at me then she would look down at her breasts and bum (so, some kind of sexual display). And she would whisper sweet nothings and get jealous of other women.

 

I told her we should talk more and hang out sometime. The result was her getting really awkward and avoiding me, and we never got along after that. That was kind of a kick to the crotch.

 

Any idea why a girl would act like that around a guy, then avoid him when he politely makes a move? People have said "that's just what girls do", which seems to imply that it's normal and acceptable behavior. And people have stated theories: everything from "she's totally into you" to "she thinks you're a total loser". If a girl gives me all those signals then acts super awkward when I make a move, it makes me feel completely lost when it comes to women; like I don't know up from down. When girls act like that, how can I maintain my optimism, and avoid being filled with cynicism and self-doubt, when it comes to dating?

[alphamale]

all she wanted from you was attention brother...

[basil67]

She looks down at her bum when she's talking to you? That's not a sexual display - it's a girl who has a wobbly giraffe neck.

 

Define "whisper sweet nothings". And also define "jealous of other women" What exactly did she say?

[LeadDergible]

She looks down at her bum when she's talking to you? That's not a sexual display - it's a girl who has a wobbly giraffe neck.

 

Define "whisper sweet nothings". And also define "jealous of other women" What exactly did she say?

She would say things like "just seeing you makes me excited" and "I'm in such a good mood when you're around": things you'd never say to someone of the same sex. I just never realized "just seeing you makes me excited" = "if you ask me to hang out, I'm gonna get super awkward and avoid you".

 

As for the jealousy, if any girl said something like "hiiiiiiii....I missed you" she would stare like a hawk, then I'd notice her hovering around and talking to me a lot.

 

So it doesn't make much sense that she'd act so weird when I simply told her I'd like to hang out. She is highly introverted and a lot of people dislike her though, especially other women.

[Beendaredonedat]

"We should talk more and hang out."

 

Not the best line to get what you're wanting.

 

describe how things then became awkward. What to you think changed?

 

things you'd never say to someone of the same sex.

Are you both women? Edited July 16, 2019 by Beendaredonedat

[DrNo1962]

"I'd love to take you out for a drink, when are you free this week to get together?"

 

That's probably the sort of thing she may want to hear.

 

Not....

 

"we should talk more and hang out sometime."

 

That's weak.

 

Other than that, she's probably just an attention seeker and feeds off of your validation to boost her own ego, because she's a damaged human being that has no self-worth and relies on the opinions of others to make her feel special.

[LeadDergible]

"We should talk more and hang out."

 

Not the best line to get what you're wanting.

 

describe how things then became awkward. What to you think changed?

 

She never smiled at me or around me anymore, never initiated conversation, she'd walk by me and avoid eye contact, and if I did try to talk to her she had a "yeah???" attitude. I said something like "we've never had much chance to talk, we should do something about that". I thought she'd be thrilled, but somehow it instantly turned into a "cringe video", and she never would talk to me after that. I'm a gentleman, so it's not like I told anything gross or inappropriate.

[Beendaredonedat]

She sounds like she's just a big flirt in general and when you acted on it, she went cold on you.

 

I don't think all women do this... just the flirts who don't know when to simmer down.

 

Ignore her, maybe she's got a boyfriend and you acting on her flirting/body language/come hither stares has taught her a lesson about keeping it real.

[LeadDergible]

She sounds like she's just a big flirt in general and when you acted on it, she went cold on you.

 

I don't think all women do this... just the flirts who don't know when to simmer down.

 

Ignore her, maybe she's got a boyfriend and you acting on her flirting/body language/come hither stares has taught her a lesson about keeping it real.

Well that's good. But it left me kind of tired and burned out, which kinda sucks. [Edit] I just saw your question "Are you both women?", and no. I'm a guy (that statement earlier was to illustrate that "just seeing you makes me excited" isn't a platonic/friendly comment)

Edited July 16, 2019 by LeadDergible

[Beendaredonedat]

Well, your ego took a bit of a bruise that's all. Don't let her knock down your confidence which you were when you asked her out (or to hang out).

 

Act normal, say hi when you pas her by and don't worry, be happy. She's fluff.

[LeadDergible]

Well, your ego took a bit of a bruise that's all. Don't let her knock down your confidence which you were when you asked her out (or to hang out).

 

Act normal, say hi when you pas her by and don't worry, be happy. She's fluff.

 

The only problem is I don't know what an indication of interest is anymore: other people have noticed her trying hard to get my attention on her body, and she got all weird and awkward when I asked her out, even after she'd been trying to get my attention (obviously enough for other people to notice her trying to get attention from me), and even that endeavor ended in me alone at home, playing videogames. So I don't know what the heck a sign of interest is anymore. So it kind of threw off my game.

Edited July 16, 2019 by LeadDergible

[basil67]

TSo I don't know what the heck a sign of interest is anymore. So it kind of threw off my game.

 

If you get thrown off this easily, I would say that you don't have much game to start with. How successful have you been with dating other women in the past?

 

Life is full of things that don't go as planned. I suggest you read about developing resilience - the art of brushing yourself off and getting on with life.

[smackie9]

In the olden day we would call her a c#$% tease and should be avoided.

[LeadDergible]

If you get thrown off this easily, I would say that you don't have much game to start with.

Well after my fruitless involvement with that lovely lady, I had a girl lie to me that she wasn't married, in order to get attention and enjoy an emotional affair, and another woman said as long as she doesn't put out, I'll keep chasing her. So nah, I probably don't have much game.

Edited July 16, 2019 by LeadDergible

[d0nnivain]

Any idea why a girl would act like that around a guy, then avoid him when he politely makes a move?

 

* * *

 

When girls act like that, how can I maintain my optimism, and avoid being filled with cynicism and self-doubt, when it comes to dating?

 

She acted like that because she was immature. She likes to flirt but wasn't willing to go farther. Now that you correctly assumed she was interested & took action she got scared. Hence the weirdness. It's her not you.

 

Try to remember not all girls act like that. Most don't. You did everything right so brush her off as the aberration & carry on with your life. She is of no moment or consequence.

[OatsAndHall]

A better question would be; "Why would you worry about a woman that acted this way?" I'm not trying to be condescending but you'll save yourself some energy if you think of it that way.

[LeadDergible]

She acted like that because she was immature. She likes to flirt but wasn't willing to go farther. Now that you correctly assumed she was interested & took action she got scared. Hence the weirdness. It's her not you.

 

Try to remember not all girls act like that. Most don't. You did everything right so brush her off as the aberration & carry on with your life. She is of no moment or consequence.

Yeah, I get that she’s neurotic, and probably not the most emotionally centered. I sort of fancied myself as being OK at connecting with women and enjoying being around women, but after dealing with multiple attention whores lately (one of whom went behind my back and openly bragged about leading me nowhere), I’ve developed some boredom and cynicism, which is disappointing.

[d0nnivain]

after dealing with multiple attention whores lately (one of whom went behind my back and openly bragged about leading me nowhere),

 

That's terrible. What a horrible things to do!

 

Between this girl & the original one in your Q, perhaps you need to widen your social circle to include people who are actually nice.

[PRW]

The only problem is I don't know what an indication of interest is anymore

Yes you do,...you just saw it. The fact that this one particular girl is a bit screwed up about it isn't your fault and it doesn't change what a proper sign "is",...it doesn't mean that what she did wasn't a proper sign because it was,...it was just the motivation that was screwed up (her fault, not yours). She was just shocked that it actually worked and she ran away.

 

Your only flaw was how you asked for the date. DrNo1962 already set you straight on that,...no need for me to repeat it. She probably would have STILL had the same reaction in this particular case but it would have been no fault of yours. When I run into someone that acts like that I just laugh to myself (thinking "you coward" ) as they scurry away and I move on to the next one. It would just be my fun story for the night to tell my friends later.

Edited July 16, 2019 by PRW

[PRW]

Yeah, I get that she’s neurotic, and probably not the most emotionally centered. I sort of fancied myself as being OK at connecting with women and enjoying being around women, but after dealing with multiple attention whores lately I’ve developed some boredom and cynicism, which is disappointing.

When you workout at a gym you go home and wake up sore the next day, but once that goes away you are stronger,...then you go back the the gym and do better than before. Treat this the same way, it is just mental & emotional rather than physical,...but the principle still works. It will just make you smarter and wiser.

[The Outlaw]

It's like what alpha said, it was all for attention. Hook, line and sinker, she did what she had to do and she got what she wanted in the end. It's an ego boost. Doing that to get one's attention is something many employ because it makes them feel good. It doesn't make it right, but some people do it. Brush her off. Move on. Forget about her. You tried.