bluesunflower Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 Hi everyone, This may be a long one because I need to vent and cannot go to others around me at the moment. This is the lowest point in my life. In late April, I was broken up with and around the same time, my job environment began to suffer because of a boss who is mentally disturbed and lets all the work fall on my shoulders which causes me daily stress. My best friend also moved out of my apartment and my grandmother passed away. I was struggling with those things when two months later, I learn that I have to move out of my apartment because of my new roommate not paying. Apparently, her first check bounced and she never sent in the second one and she was MIA for a few weeks. I could do a whole thread on the craziness that ensued because it is probably the most nuts thing that will ever happen to me, but we both had to move out because of a threat of violence and now I am living back home with my parents. My mother is verbally abusive and always has been. I do not use this lightly. There are only two people that I have ever met that I consider emotionally abusive: her and my ex. I just want to clarify that in case anyone reads my other threads and thinks I use that term for everyone. We have never gotten along for long stretches of time and she deals terribly with grief. Since her mother died recently, she has been emotionally unbearable and has down some really unsound things and said some scarring things to me I'll never forget. I am stuck in a limbo. Because of my lease, I am stuck paying my roommate's rent until he finds a new person to move in, as f'ed up as that is. So, I'm already out two months rent for her on top of mine. And, if I have to continue paying rent while paying for a new apartment, I'm going to run out of money. I am 22 and just graduated college and got promoted in April to a full time management position at my job. I make okay money, ($39k) but do not have much saved up because it is a recent job. (Before this I worked minimum wage, and then part time at this job for 3 months for half the salary.) After taxes, I only clear $2,100 a month which would be mostly going to rent if I was paying for both places. This is keeping me rooted home for now, but I fear that if I stay too long, the tension with my mom will just continue. I have only lived home for one week and we have already had two blow-up screaming fights that tore super deep. I wouldn't be homeless in the traditional sense, but I have a feeling my mom is going to try to kick me out soon. I have three friends right now and I do not feel comfortable staying at their places for extended amounts of time. My best friend told me I knew that she would let me stay at her house as long as I need but that her mom wouldn't be okay with it. Another one of my friends said I can stay sometimes at his apartment. Last week, I asked for one day and he let me stay over. It was fine, but then the next morning, he asked if I was going to pay him and he was serious. I was so caught off guard I just said sure, let me know how much and he said he will think about it. I felt immediately wildly uncomfortable, as he makes $83k a year and knows how much I am going through right now. So I am not comfortable with staying with him anymore. And finally, the only friend I have who I know wouldn't charge me and has welcomed me with open arms lives in a small studio apartment with her boyfriend. I cannot even fathom staying at their place unless it was a dire emergency. I know she has my back but they have such a small place to begin with that was only meant for one person and it's a studio so you can imagine how uncomfortable it would be for me to stay there for weeks while I work out my future. I am so uncertain right now and feeling beyond low. Every aspect of my life is spinning out of control and everything that used to be stable and dependable is no longer so.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I make okay money, ($39k) but do not have much saved up because it is a recent job. (Before this I worked minimum wage, and then part time at this job for 3 months for half the salary.) After taxes, I only clear $2,100 a month which would be mostly going to rent if I was paying for both places. bluesunflower, where do you live? I'm trying to figure out how you can make nearly $40K per year and "after taxes" only clear $25K? Mr. Lucky 1
divegrl Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 You and me both my friend. You and me both. I am experiencing similar circumstances so I will be very interested in the replies. I would try to spend as little time as possible around your mom. After work maybe go to the gym, take a shower or whatever. Try to get home after she’s asleep! Have a beautiful day!!!!! 1
schlumpy Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 The solution is age old and simple but it entails discipline and sacrifice on your part. Your mom is willing to put up with you so make nice and eat whatever crap sandwich she puts in front of you. Try to overcome your habituated family training and do nice and useful things for her so that she doesn't kick you out. Give her some money for rent. Clear your financial obligations as quickly as possible and learn something from the experience so you don't make the same mistake. Lower your living expenses. Cut out your expensive fancy smart phone for a trac phone or 50 dollar flip phone and dump the expensive connection plan. Take your lunch to work. Drink water instead of whatever else you have to pay for. Make your own coffee and put it in thermos for work. You get the idea. Become a turtle. Your life now consists of work, go home, sleep, make nice with mom, and save money then back to work. If you can squeeze a social life out of your date for free that's fine otherwise it's the couch, a movie on tv and bag of microwave popcorn. If you are young get another part job. Save, save, save. If you follow most of these suggestions and others that you may think of then within a year you should have the resources to once again leave the house and be on your own. Then you can slowly open up again. Make sure you live your life in a way that does not place you once again in the same position. Best Wishes
anika99 Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 OP you lost me on the apartment situation. If you are still paying rent on the apartment then why aren't you living there and advertising for a roommate? If you were evicted then why are you still paying the rent? Your landlord can't evict you AND collect monthly rent from you. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I am stuck in a limbo. Because of my lease, I am stuck paying my roommate's rent until he finds a new person to move in, as f'ed up as that is. So, I'm already out two months rent for her on top of mine. And, if I have to continue paying rent while paying for a new apartment, I'm going to run out of money. What are you trying to say here? I think you said your best friend moved out & then a new person moved in but the new person turned out to be unreliable. OK if you are on the lease & paying both rents why aren't you living in the apartment? Why are you living with your mother? Who is the person who's rent you are paying? Who is on the lease? Have you talked to the landlord about letting you out of the lease? If you are on the lease & paying the rent, go live there. Assuming you are stuck living with mom, get a 2nd job that will keep you out of the house & away from mom as much as possible. Even if you are only making minimum wage working fast food if you bank every check you should have enough saved for a down payment before too long. Meanwhile, make a budget. Cut your expenses to the bone & save, save save.
BaileyB Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 I'm trying to figure out how you can make nearly $40K per year and "after taxes" only clear $25K? Canada. Seriously. Obviously, I can’t answer that question for OP but that sounds about right to me... 1
anika99 Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 Canada. Seriously. Obviously, I can’t answer that question for OP but that sounds about right to me... No. I live in Canada and it varies a little between provinces but the OP would still be bringing home about $32,000 - $33,000 if she lives in Canada
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 That cut into the OP's take-home pay is a tax rate approaching 40%. I asked because countries with such high assessments also tend to have safety nets and social programs that may address some of the stated concerns... Mr. Lucky
major_merrick Posted July 17, 2019 Posted July 17, 2019 As another poster said, become a turtle. Stay away as much as possible, and save some money with the specific goal of LEAVING. I left home at 17 because of my parents, and while life was rough I worked hard and I stole some things to make up the difference. Gotta do what you gotta do. Sometimes having a different kind of suffering (like being out on your own and uncomfortable) is better than the suffering you've put up with for so long. At some point, life becomes about picking which unpleasant choice is the better one. But trust me - life won't always be like this!
Gaeta Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 Stop paying that rent where you don't live. If owner evicted you then you're off the lease, if anyone is forcing you to pay this rent then go to your country/province Housing Board. As another poster said take a 2nd job for extra money. Every 20ish person I know has more than 1 job. My daughter always had 2 jobs sometimes 3 while in her 20s. 1
stillafool Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I agree get a second job. When I was in my twenties I also worked 2 jobs.
D0nna Posted July 26, 2019 Posted July 26, 2019 Looking at your age,don't think about staying with friends! Will lead to some drama soon or later. Roommate know you going so she should be looking for new mate. You shouldn't pay if you gone! Ask at the right department at your job if theyy have housing options. And start saving and looking for a new own place.
Author bluesunflower Posted August 7, 2019 Author Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) Hi everyone, thank you for the comments. Sorry for the late response - I actually did get a second job working my old job in retail and am working seven days a week so I am pretty exhausted. To answer a few of your questions, I live in PA. I have no idea about the $39k thing. I am only 22, and on my ADP statement online, it says my salary is $39k and like I said, I only clear at most $1,100 a paycheck. This week it was a few dollars over a thousand. The only explanation I can muster is that my company offers bonuses and occasional commission, as I am working selling office space, although commission is super rare and usually goes to the sales managers. So, maybe the $39k is BS because my company puts a lot of stock into bonuses, which are around $150 four times a year. Which, again, altogether is not close to $39k. Maybe with all the benefits and the retirement plan? Unfortunately I am not super well versed in this subject. I'd guess the salary on ADP is a stretch - I'm paid hourly and not salary so I'm not sure if that affects it. As far as housing goes, I'll try to explain it the best I can because it is confusing. I wasn't technically evicted - my real estate agent said "you really should leave" because he said my roommate was likely dangerous, and kicked her out a bit later. Technically, if I wanted to, I could move back there now since I am on the lease and they refuse to break it. However, I would have to go through the process of finding someone else again and worrying that I wouldn't find someone in time. I would have to move all my stuff back again, just to end up moving back home in a month or two because I wouldn't be too keen on living in a big apartment by myself with the stress of trying to find someone else. And the bigger reason is, I do not want this real estate guy to be in charge of my living situation. He has screwed me over immensely and caused me to needlessly suffer and I do not want to deal with him at all anymore. So, until they sell it to two new tenants, I am paying each month. So, yes, if things did get very bad at home, I could potentially go move back in there. However it would be difficult as I would need my family to help me move and it would be a lot all around. I said yes to a new place in a moment of panic, which was idiotic and I am going to give it a week to decide to pull out. I said yes a few weeks ago when it was super tense with my mom and I was missing my friends terribly. I still like the place and would like to move in, but it was the wrong choice financially as I can't afford both places at once. Thankfully, things with my mom have gotten better. She's been extra nice to me since my ex seems to continuously try his best to ruin my life. I'm taking it one day at a time. Thanks so much for all the input. I really am just working my butt off and not spending any money and saving up. Or being a "turtle" as you guys said. Edited August 7, 2019 by bluesunflower 1
schlumpy Posted August 7, 2019 Posted August 7, 2019 Very nice to hear from you again and you are doing fine. You are going to put yourself in a position where you can make substantial choices for yourself and not rely on others. That will be a good feeling. Best Wishes 1
Author bluesunflower Posted August 7, 2019 Author Posted August 7, 2019 @schlumpy It's good to be back! This site feels like a form of therapy for me and I definitely want to be more active. I am excited for that day to come. Thank you!
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