Woman's advice and opinion

[dsphunxional]

I don't know why I'm posting this knowing the answer which I am kind of repressing but I would like to share something in hopes of finding good advice. I'm a male in my early 30's and am living with my girlfriend and her child. We've been together for about a year and although I love her a lot something inside tells me it won't last and I should get out of the relationship I'm in.

 

We met online and things went well. She is a good hearted person but she is also hard headed. When we met she was married and living with her husband. I too was and am married but have not seen my "wife" in some years. I married in Europe she lives in Europe. If you want to call me a cheater feel free however I have never cheated while with someone. My "wife" knew and knows that we were long split up and she continues to do her own thing.

 

Anyhow, when we met I was already detached from my "wife" for some time. Just hadn't had the time to figure out how to get divorced from within the United states. My girlfriend was/is married and had been cheating on her husband repeatedly. Her reasoning was that he didn't give her what she needed on the homefront. Mental stimulation, sexual stimulation, etc. After some months of things going fine we ran into some trivial issues here and there, fights, and things of such.

 

We moved in together a few months after she split with her husband and are living together now. Thoughts of her cheating on me constantly run through my mind and some of her "sarcastic" jokes make me think she will do it to me too. I know the saying "once a cheater always..." but I try to think to myself that it won't happen to me even though deep down inside it tears me up to even imagine it.

 

When we first started our relationship, she stopped and gave her number out and her excuse was "that she could" which crushed me. I felt like she didn't give me a chance at all and threw anything I could have had to offer out the door. I dealt with this feeling for a while and moved on. To date nothing has happened to my knowledge, but her jokes here and there have me withdrawing little by little.

 

I try to explain to her that by her telling me things like "What you don't know...", or "You're not my keeper", and other little sarcastic comments are driving me away. I don't tell her what to do, nor do I try to tell her what to do. In fact I tell her "do what makes you happy", I think she says her sarcastic jokes for a reaction, I'm almost positive it is just for that, but I don't think she realizes how distant I've become in my own little way from her comments.

 

Do I love her? Absolutely I would do anything for her and her child, but when her jokes come out, I want nothing but to distance myself from her. Am I overreacting. Should I just listen to my gut instinct and slowly distance myself and end this. I do love her but I don't think she gets it and I don't think she understands how her "old ways" have affected me and continue to affect me.