Lobouspo Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 My family is helping out on the cost at a restaurant at $25 a plate. Trying to explain to my fiancee it's ONLY for people in the wedding and immmediate family. Not for out of towners coming in. What's the protocol or your experience with this? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Significant others are typically also invited to the rehearsal dinner, even though they are not part of the wedding, just as a courtesy and because they are likely coming in town for the wedding part anyway. But the invitation should make clear one way or the other, and if it doesn't, you should ask. Not your mother, but the bride or broom. If the invitation doesn't specify, I would think your significant other would be welcome, but isn't there an RSVP on your invitation? You can just RSVP for two. Just because your mother is helping doesn't mean it's her call, just fyi. It's up to the bride and groom. It's their wedding rehearsal. You can't just go show up without letting them know there will be another mouth to feed though. Again, never heard of an invitation without a request to rsvp. Mostly done online these days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Theoretically yes, but in reality it's whatever you want it to be. At $25 a head, if there are only a few extra people she wants to invite, I certainly wouldn't make it the hill that I die on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted July 17, 2019 Author Share Posted July 17, 2019 Significant others are typically also invited to the rehearsal dinner, even though they are not part of the wedding, just as a courtesy and because they are likely coming in town for the wedding part anyway. But the invitation should make clear one way or the other, and if it doesn't, you should ask. Not your mother, but the bride or broom. If the invitation doesn't specify, I would think your significant other would be welcome, but isn't there an RSVP on your invitation? You can just RSVP for two. Just because your mother is helping doesn't mean it's her call, just fyi. It's up to the bride and groom. It's their wedding rehearsal. You can't just go show up without letting them know there will be another mouth to feed though. Again, never heard of an invitation without a request to rsvp. Mostly done online these days. That makes total sense. Unfortunately, we didnt make formal invitations to the rehearsal dinner. Ugh! With everything going on that slipped through the cracks. I should have just taken care of it myself, but my mom wanted to pay and I'm just worried about her paying over $700 for something like this Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 The main thing to take into consideration is how soon is this coming up? And is the dinner catered, whether it's at a restaurant or not? Because large parties are planned in advance with whoever is doing the food and you can't wait until last minute. Usually, it's a planned menu and not ordering off the menu. You really just need to ask the bride! Say, Am I supposed to bring Becky to the rehearsal dinner? Did you plan for me to bring a guest? It's always the bride's say-so in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Generally it is also for out of town guests who had to travel a significant distance to attend. I would absolutely include anybody who had to fly to get your big day. Everybody does things differently & cost is always a factor. Does that $25 pp include drinks. Your bill could skyrocket there but it would be extremely bad form to expect people to pay for their own cocktails. Since you were willing to take care of this yourself, take the money your mother can afford & make up the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 IMO, rehearsal dinner is for immediate family and wedding party only (and their plus ones if applicable). You can invite out of town guests if you want, but a better alternative might be to plan to meet somewhere for drinks after the rehearsal dinner, and everyone can pay for their own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 IMO, rehearsal dinner is for immediate family and wedding party only (and their plus ones if applicable). I've noticed as I've grown older and my kids and their friends have gotten married, these guidelines have become blurred. For the typical Saturday weddings, often something light is planned for Friday night out-of-town guests following the rehearsal dinner and, after the next-day wedding and reception, brunch on Sunday is often provided also. These wedding weekends make it an expensive time to be father of the bride or groom... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Some of the best rehearsal dinners I have ever been too were pizza or subs in the couple's backyard or the local pizzeria. It doesn't have to be fancy schmancy even if the wedding itself is. It's about hospitality -- giving food & beverages to your guests. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I had to Google 'rehearsal dinner' as it's not customary here. I discovered that it's thoughtful to invite people who have travelled to your wedding as a mark of appreciation for their effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Out of towners have been invited to every rehearsal dinner I have ever attended. That said, the rehearsal dinners have been rather informal events... It is, after all, supposed to be a celebration... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 take them all to burger king for dinner. you'll save at least $15 per head 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 You can have it as small or as large as you want it. These aren't "rules." These are just general summaries of what people do. But inviting out of towners to the rehearsal dinner, especially if one of you feels close to these folks, is totally legit. Of course, there is politics ... if you invite more people, you can kick in more money to pay for it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I think most out of towners know they are only invited if they are....invited. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 From what I understand, it is invitation only. At the weddings I've been to, the rehearsal dinner is put on by the groom and/or his family, and can either involve only family and people "in" the wedding, or it could be everybody. Usually it is a meal out someplace. Here in the MidSouth, taking everybody to a good buffet is a common choice. When my husband and I got married it wasn't a huge deal, but the night before everybody went out to a Chinese buffet for a feast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 (edited) Rehearsal party - wedding party and their plus one, immediate family (those involved with the actual ceremony or funding it) plus their one. It's a rehearsal party. You're ironing out all the last minute details. This isn't a place for out of town guests. You don't invite the audience to the dress rehearsal. Edited July 22, 2019 by MuddyFootprints Link to post Share on other sites
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