How to go about making a profile to appeal to your "people"?

[mr_ybor]

"Genuine,loyal guy with gsoh, likes to love and to be loved"

 

I suppose if that works, I'll give it a try. ¯\(°_o)/¯ I try to demonstrate over just describe, but you know, I got nothing else to lose. Meeting women would be a huge start.

Edited August 13, 2019 by mr_ybor

[SumGuy]

....

 

I agree 100%. I'm probably not for "everyone", but I'm not looking for everyone, either. That's quite the distillation and quandary, I suppose. Two qualities? Someone with a similar outlook and perspective on life (I suppose that boils down to similar appreciations in life), and someone with a similar lifestyle to myself. That's probably nebulous, but to anyone who really knows me, it's not. Where do I go with that, exactly?

 

 

....

 

 

I can share what I do as I am very much not interested in everyone or just anyone.

 

 

Outlook on life? Lead with it. Don't be afraid to get a little philosophical here. Not so much say you are looking for someone who believes in x, but just state your beliefs and outlook. Describe your lifestyle and connect it to your world view. This is not so much an essay as an expression of your outlook, dreams and how you live.

 

 

Maybe you can also convey this in pictures.

 

 

For example, I have none of me in a suit or with expensive things. I show the casual side of me because I want to weed out the women who are focused on material things and signs of material wealth.

 

 

You might also be able to convey it through books and movies you like, especially ones that may be known to your people but unknown to others.

 

 

I wouldn't be afraid to take lessons from other profiles, in particular women who from their profiles (not photos) you think are what you are looking for (even if you are not physically attracted to them).

Edited August 14, 2019 by SumGuy

[mr_ybor]

Outlook on life? Lead with it. Don't be afraid to get a little philosophical here. Not so much say you are looking for someone who believes in x, but just state your beliefs and outlook. Describe your lifestyle and connect it to your world view. This is not so much an essay as an expression of your outlook, dreams and how you live.

 

Does this actually work, though? I kinda feel like this is always what I've had on my respective profiles in some form or another over the years.

 

Like you said, not so much an "essay", but describing myself in general. Where I'm at in life (career as a designer, no kids, live downtown and not in the 'burbs), what I enjoy (playing guitar, live music/the scene, artsy stuff, cooking, indie cinema, and so on), and that I think life is about open-mindedness, experiences, and spontaneity over repetition and regimen.

 

 

Maybe you can also convey this in pictures.

 

For example, I have none of me in a suit or with expensive things. I show the casual side of me because I want to weed out the women who are focused on material things and signs of material wealth.

 

Again. I think it's pretty apparent. I basically look like your prototypical muso/hipster (I'm not in love with that term as I'm not so much an "indie rock" guy, but whatever: It gets the point across ), so I'm kinda working with like-attracts-like. My girlfriends in the past more-than-less illustrate that fact. I mean, I try to keep an open mind in some respects, as I'm I don't think you have to be 100% in line with every particular detail of your respective personas, but I think I'm playing pretty well to my crowd.

 

 

You might also be able to convey it through books and movies you like, especially ones that may be known to your people but unknown to others.

 

Again, I've had that stuff on there, and while I try and keep things somewhat concise by distilling it down to genres and maybe name dropping a few favorites/recent, I don't get any convos going this way. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

 

 

I wouldn't be afraid to take lessons from other profiles, in particular women who from their profiles (not photos) you think are what you are looking for (even if you are not physically attracted to them).

 

But their profiles are in general, so... well, bad. Sparse, poorly written, focus on talking about want and little to nothing about themselves. I have trouble finding many takeaways from most of what I've read. To be perfectly honest, I suspect the average woman would abhor the average woman's profile. I'll leave that to the women on here to confirm or deny.

Edited August 16, 2019 by mr_ybor

[SumGuy]

Does this actually work, though? I kinda feel like this is always what I've had on my respective profiles in some form or another over the years.

Works for me, has upped my connection rate dramatically from my first profile which was more traditional.

 

Like you said, not so much an "essay", but describing myself in general. Where I'm at in life (career as a designer, no kids, live downtown and not in the 'burbs), what I enjoy (playing guitar, live music/the scene, artsy stuff, cooking, indie cinema, and so on), and that I think life is about open-mindedness, experiences, and spontaneity over repetition and regimen.

That sounds good.

 

Again. I think it's pretty apparent. I basically look like your prototypical muso/hipster (I'm not in love with that term as I'm not so much an "indie rock" guy, but whatever: It gets the point across ), so I'm kinda working with like-attracts-like. My girlfriends in the past more-than-less illustrate that fact. I mean, I try to keep an open mind in some respects, as I'm I don't think you have to be 100% in line with every particular detail of your respective personas, but I think I'm playing pretty well to my crowd.

Well that sounds about right. Not sure how Tampa is to the rest of Florida, but thought it was pretty hip (like Ybor by the way, the roosters are neat). When I've been there I saw many a woman who had that look (know this is pure judging by looks). It may be that your people are not OLD dating people.

 

 

If a musician, I'm surprised your not getting interest if you do gigs. I've had friends in their 50's, who are not lookers let me tell you, have women half their age all over them because they are musicians (got to choose the right set). Granted, there maybe some daddy issues with them.

 

Again, I've had that stuff on there, and while I try and keep things somewhat concise by distilling it down to genres and maybe name dropping a few favorites/recent, I don't get any convos going this way. ¯\(°_o)/¯

Me either, but when it does happen it's magic.

 

But their profiles are in general, so... well, bad. Sparse, poorly written, focus on talking about want and little to nothing about themselves. I have trouble finding many takeaways from most of what I've read. To be perfectly honest, I suspect the average woman would abhor the average woman's profile. I'll leave that to the women on here to confirm or deny.

Well of course find one that is good. I'm not sure what an average woman is, but yes I've seen plenty of ones that turn me off (no matter how hot she is). I hear that men's profiles can be just as abhorrent, but in different ways. From what I can read between the lines, shirtless bathroom picks and dead fish are common.

 

 

Overall, from the very little I know, it sounds like there is nothing fundamentally wrong with what you are doing. No sure if it is the site you use relative to your demographic or what.

 

 

If you got a "look" that aligns with your people, maybe less is more. Get rid of all the words and just have picks and some attitude toward life stuff. Like really short, forget about career, location talk, etc. Just love of guitar, cooking and living life to it's fullest, and photos especially ones where you look "hot" (please don't ask me what that means for a guy, I don't know). All that other stuff that will attract is likely assumed from your "look," all the other stuff that is not assumed may paint you as someone too uptight for your people.

 

 

 

 

I've kind of have the opposite difficulty, I have a look and job that does not necessarily align with my people.

[mr_ybor]

Works for me, has upped my connection rate dramatically from my first profile which was more traditional.

 

I like the sound of that. I don't know that I could pull off a "traditional" profile either way (whatever that is, Photoshop myself and pretend I watch football?). I'm just honest about who I am. Someone you're dating is going to find out eventually.

 

 

Well that sounds about right. Not sure how Tampa is to the rest of Florida, but thought it was pretty hip

 

It is, and the rising rents and real estate tell you so. Ybor/Channelside/Downtown/Riverwalk/Hyde Park are all quite lively, and gentrification abounds, colleges on both ends, HCC on the east, U of Tampa on the west. You can either drive/ride-share, or just take the Teco anywhere. It's pretty great. Ybor is the more rambunctious end of things, kinda like our Bourbon Street. Most of the live music happens down here, there's a big alt/goth/industrial scene and clubs and whatnot. You will see freaks 'n' geeks. I dig it.

 

Across the bay on the Downtown St. Pete / south end of the Peninsula, it's a pretty happening place too, but it's a bit more upwardly mobile and stuffy in general (there's some cool spots to, though), but ultimately, I moved over to this side of things because I love having the music venues right here and the rents over there are stupid. Like really stupid.

 

 

If a musician, I'm surprised your not getting interest if you do gigs. I've had friends in their 50's, who are not lookers let me tell you, have women half their age all over them because they are musicians (got to choose the right set). Granted, there maybe some daddy issues with them.

 

I dunno. It's pretty damn obvious on my profile that I play and am pretty passionate about it. I had pics of my last band from live gigs up for a while there (they've gotten a bit old and my look has changed a bit as one does) if playing live is somehow "cooler" than actually writing & recording to women, but I never get any interest or comments based on it. ¯\(°_o)/¯ Never. I haven't gigged since I lived in Portland, BTW. I just do stuff in my studio until I find some bandmates again. I run into guys on occasion here, but most are to decidedly old school to mesh with my writing style.

 

 

Well of course find one that is good. I'm not sure what an average woman is, but yes I've seen plenty of ones that turn me off (no matter how hot she is). I hear that men's profiles can be just as abhorrent, but in different ways. From what I can read between the lines, shirtless bathroom picks and dead fish are common.

 

Still, if you're guy and avoid all those pitfalls (it's not hard, really), you still get ignored. Online dating advice is largely warning off the absolute worst things one can do. I'd like to think I'm a few leagues above a shirtless car selfie of me pointing a gun at the camera.

 

 

Overall, from the very little I know, it sounds like there is nothing fundamentally wrong with what you are doing. Not sure if it is the site you use relative to your demographic or what.

 

Could very well be. I've just got Ok Cupid (which supposedly is more in the ballpark of the types I'd like to date), and an alternative specific site called AltScene, at the movement. OkC did seem to be better in the past, though. These days it feels a bit like Plenty of Fish, if you know what I mean. When I first moved here I had Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and all that. I should probably get back on them... I just find the endless swiping to be tedious and pointless.

Edited August 16, 2019 by mr_ybor

[an0nym0us123]

My tinder profile has 6 pictures, last one with my dog.

 

Current bio is as follows-

 

5'11"

Few age related marks

Don't smoke, no kids

Always up for an adventure

Dog gets more messages than I do....

 

I get several girls initiate a week often with a comment about how cute the dog is, has worked well to get people to initiate. Wasnt really planned.

[preraph]

Hire a professional photographer to go take "candid" shots of you if you must.

[mr_ybor]

My tinder profile has 6 pictures, last one with my dog.

 

Current bio is as follows-

 

5'11"

Few age related marks

Don't smoke, no kids

Always up for an adventure

Dog gets more messages than I do....

 

I get several girls initiate a week often with a comment about how cute the dog is, has worked well to get people to initiate. Wasnt really planned.

 

 

I've got a dog pic. Doesn't help me at all. Doggies, strumming the guitar, sport sailing like a boss. Nothing elevates me to the point of matchable/messagable, LOL.

Edited August 16, 2019 by mr_ybor

[basil67]

Why would she want to be with with me? Because we're... um, similar. ¯\(°_o)/¯ Ain't rocket surgery.

 

Please tell me this isn't a serious response Similar interests won't necessarily make you compatible. What are your positive attributes?

 

Reading through these posts, I have an idea of what you enjoy doing, but have no idea of who you are - how you think and feel. Amd still have no idea of why someone would want to be your girlfriend. If your profile is equally vague, it's no surprise that you're getting nowhere.

Edited August 16, 2019 by basil67

[Rayce]

I did like your 1st pic with the beard that you posted for an avatar. I am not really into beards though. You looking down in the picture. The angle the picture that was a bit off putting otherwise I really liked it.

[mr_ybor]

Please tell me this isn't a serious response Similar interests won't necessarily make you compatible.

 

Ii didn't say similar interests. It said 'similar', as in similar people, holistically speaking. Similar outlooks, lifestyles, morals, desires, interests... a collection of things.

 

 

What are your positive attributes?

 

That would be in the eye of the beholder, now wouldn't it. One person's positive is another's negative. Some people see being highly educated as a positive, some people see it as an being a snooty elite they wouldn't want to be around. Some admire a squeaky clean, law abiding citizen, some admire an outspoken dissident who doesn't always play by the rules. Etcetera. You know?

 

I can merely present myself as thoroughly and accurately as possible and let the prospective match decide if they see those things as positive.

Edited August 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[basil67]

Ii didn't say similar interests. It said 'similar', as in similar people, holistically speaking. Similar outlooks, lifestyles, morals, desires, interests... a collection of things.

 

Ok, so how would you describe your outlook, lifestyle, morals, desires and interests? This is what I've been trying to establish.

 

That would be in the eye of the beholder, now wouldn't it. One person's positive is another's negative.

 

Yes, I know. But what traits do YOU think make you desirable?

 

I can merely present myself as thoroughly and accurately as possible and let the prospective match decide if they see those things as positive.

 

Indeed. The question is, outside of your interests, what makes you tick and how do you present that?

Edited August 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mr_ybor]

Ok, so how would you describe your outlook, lifestyle, morals, desires and interests? This is what I've been trying to establish.

 

I dunno. I feel like it's all in there, more-or-less. I mean, I don't want to write an essay. "I'm this" and "I'm that". It's a show, don't tell kind of thing, and you're not going to spell your morals out, for instance: "I'm trustworthy, honest, blah blah blah", because every D-bag liar would write exactly that. A lot of that stuff is covered with Ok Cupid's questions anyway, as that tends to be their focus. Lifestyle is more than covered. I don't know what else to say about it.

 

 

Yes, I know. But what traits do YOU think make you desirable?

 

My visage (for those women who are into my type of visage), my body type (for women into my body type), my style (for women into my style); my intelligence, knowledge, & worldlieness (I guess for all the sapiosexuals out there nowadays); my adventurous/outgoing nature; my being a creative (it's more than just an "interest" as you put it, it's a part of your persona... hanging out with artists isn't the same as hanging out with CPAs).

 

Honestly, having had a number of girlfriends in the past, a conjunction of the highlighted part was all that really mattered in the outset. Women have pretty much only contacted me because they thought I was "hot" (with respect to their type), not because I was interesting or had anything deeper to offer. They stick around when they figure out you've got an interesting personality and bring new things to their lives. Then they fall in love... buy we're really ahead of ourselves at this point.

 

In the end, it's on the woman to decide if I'm desirable or not. If she likes chubby, bear guys, I'm not desirable, if she likes jacked, clean-cut guys, I'm not desirable, if she likes lanky, rocker dudes, we might have something. Either way, it's all hanging out there.

 

 

 

Indeed. The question is, outside of your interests, what makes you tick and how do you present that?

 

My pictures show what I look like, face/body/style. My profile speaks to my lifestyle/situation, love of spontaneity, free thinking, exploring the world around me, living in the moment, trying new things, liberal/progressive leanings, and outgoing nature. I think my writing style and grammar/punctuation demonstrates that I'm at least decently educated. ¯\(°_o)/¯

Edited August 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude

[Lotsgoingon]

Actually the best online dating advice I've seen says to forget about appealing to everyone ... you can easily end up appealing to no one ... unless you have all the standard definitions of beauty and success about you.

 

Here's a famous TED Talk lecture by a mathematician who talks about highlighting your quirky traits ... so that you get rid of people who won't like you and can make a strong appeal to those who are your type.

 

BTW: what you've written above is way too much ... is way too generic ... Cut that way down ... no need to mention all that ... think of five important qualities or interests you have ... get specific ... don't worry about turning people off ...

 

Like identify one specific restaurant you like ... not a broad cuisine ... Identify an absolutely favorite hangout ... place you go that makes you feel good ... could be a park ... could be a museum ... could be a club ... If you don't go super-specific, then the reader can't really "get" you ... Pick one favorite album or some songs you've been playing a lot recently. Don't qualify ... and hemm and haw ... and say your interests are really broad (of course they're broad) .. .but give something people to grab onto. This is just an invitation ... and you'll go from there.

 

Here's the mathematician speaking about the folly of a general appeal vs. a niche appeal. Maybe the music thing is your focus.

 

[mr_ybor]

BTW: what you've written above is way too much ... is way too generic ... Cut that way down ... no need to mention all that ... think of five important qualities or interests you have ... get specific ... don't worry about turning people off ...

 

That's not my profile, though. That's just the discussion we're having here.

 

 

Like identify one specific restaurant you like ... not a broad cuisine ... Identify an absolutely favorite hangout ... place you go that makes you feel good ... could be a park ... could be a museum ... could be a club ... If you don't go super-specific, then the reader can't really "get" you ... Pick one favorite album or some songs you've been playing a lot recently. Don't qualify ... and hemm and haw ... and say your interests are really broad (of course they're broad) .. .but give something people to grab onto. This is just an invitation ... and you'll go from there.

 

I have exactly that... that I can cook Haitian Griot; that I like to hang out at The Castle and catch new music at Crowbar; and I link the latest YouTube music vid that I've been into (I think it's 'Summertime Love by Confrontational right now, but was recently some other tracks I've rotated through, Nanowar of Steel, Voyager, and some other stuff).

 

This has always been my M.O. to one degree or another, but I've never seen where it's the least bit interesting to anyone. Basically, no one cares what I enjoy.