JessD30 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 There is a man at work who has been flirting with me Who I have lunched work etc, I was starting to feel attracted to Him as I thought he was me then he eventually said he was married ! Obviously I was put off by this situation and distanced myself however It’s hard to keep your distance when you like someone and NOTHING has happened, but now he has said he would like to take me to a hotel etc but states he is happily married and it would only be sex... I asked if you are happily married why would you do this and his response was “I don’t know, it’s exciting I guess” then also went on to say don’t take it the wrong way but it’s not you and it could be anyone really... naturally this has made me feel like **** about myself And I have declined his lovely offer... but I can’t help feeling awful about myself And he must have never have really been attracted to me to even say that. I feel like telling him he hurt my feelings but I’m thinking what is the point.. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Why do you feel awful about yourself? You have done nothing wrong. In fact you have done the right thing by not getting involved. His actions are no reflection on you, he said it himself he would do the same with anyone. You value yourself more than just a sex play thing, which is great, you know your worth, a lot of women don't. Stay away from him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessD30 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Share Posted July 19, 2019 I guess I just feel like my confidence is knocked and that he never really liked me and was just planning on using me. Lesson learnt Thank you for your reply, I will definitely be staying away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 His opinion of you is not your concern. Only your opinion of you matters. He thought you were sexy, hot & desirable. The fact that he's a cad only interested in sex, doesn't make those positive attributes about you any less valid. The idea that he would cheat on his wife & try to justify it as only excising sex makes him a lowlife but it certainly doesn't invalidate you as a person. Look, your judgment may have been temporarily clouded by his flattering attentions but in the end you chose morally. Cut yourself some slack 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 I guess I just feel like my confidence is knocked and that he never really liked me and was just planning on using me. Lesson learnt Thank you for your reply, I will definitely be staying away You are correct that he was planning on using you but; you were smart enough to not get involved with a married man. He sounds sleazy. His poor wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Steer clear of him - definitely don't tell him he hurt your feelings, he might try to 'make it up to you' in some gross way. Try to remind yourself that you do not WANT his attention because he's not a good sort of person. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 By responding to his flirting, he saw you as "easy" and "up for it", he thought he had you hooked. He probably thought you already knew or suspected he was married. When you questioned his morals and rejected his hotel romp plan, he was not happy, so he decided to put you down by his "it could be anyone really." comment. These would-be Lotharios are everywhere. Next time do some digging for wives and gfs before you let them get under your skin. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessD30 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Share Posted July 19, 2019 Thank you for all your replies, it is appreciated :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 I watched a TED Talk a while ago about dating and relationships and the speaker said that it's never a compliment when a man wants to move quickly to bed because men like that would take pretty much any warm and willing woman to his bed. There is no reason to be offended by his proposal because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with HIM. The fact that you had the good sense to decline his offer is all that matters and shows you have morals and integrity. No one can take that away from you. Celebrate the fact that you didn't fall for his weak and pathetic attempt at wooing you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Lesson learnt A little bruised emotionally but you got out almost unscathed and learned a valuable lesson. Your parents would be proud of you. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 You know, it is those that would have still gone with him after his honesty are the ones with lack of self-worth and self-esteem. Kudos to you for keeping good personal, love of self boundaries. Now, go forth with your head high and silently thank your lucky stars that he was upfront with you from the beginning. When they tell you what sleeze bags they are from the get go, it's much easier to accept and move on from their BS overtures. Good on you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 don’t take it the wrong way but it’s not you and it could be anyone really... naturally this has made me feel like **** about myself Man, what a POS! How'd you like to be married to that? If he gives you any more sexual offers or any trouble, go to HR about him. He deserves it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 And I have declined his lovely offer... To cheat on his wife? Is it really that "lovely?" but I can’t help feeling awful about myself And he must have never have really been attracted to me to even say that. Why are you so concerned with the opinions of an adulterer? The guy is a scum bag and doesn't deserve another thought. I feel like telling him he hurt my feelings but I’m thinking what is the point.. I feel like the point is being missed entirely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 My guess, this isn’t his first rodeo. A man who flirts at work, tells you he’s happily married, and then asks you to have sex in a hotel room sounds like a pretty shameless and experienced cheater. Don’t feel bad, feel proud of yourself - you had the courage and conviction to say no. Many are not that strong... You made the right decision. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I asked if you are happily married why would you do this and his response was “I don’t know, it’s exciting I guess” then also went on to say don’t take it the wrong way but it’s not you and it could be anyone really... naturally this has made me feel like **** about myself I'm not so quick to hand you the good conduct medal. You weren't hurt by his proposal, your dented feelings come from the offer's lack of exclusivity. You also didn't maintain the boundaries you knew were necessary once his marital status was clear. Hopefully, a learning experience... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 (edited) I can understand you feeling hurt but I think you are misunderstanding what happened. Yes, he is crap for trying to cheat on his wife. It says a lot about him. He was attracted to you and tried to get you to have sex with him. It was a stupid fantasy on his part because he should have known you would turn him down. He was hoping. When you turned him down, his ego was hurt even though he didn't say so. He tried to brush it off by a sly dig - saying it could have been anybody. He was attracted to you in the first place so saying that is rubbish. I don't think you need worry about your attractiveness. Some guys will try to have sex with you - there are always some who are only ever interested in that. Some will be interested in getting to know you as a person. You are still learning how to filter out those with dubious motives. As others have said, best to check out if someone is married before getting too involved with them. I find it is best to ask directly if you feel someone is flirting and you are in doubt. Most men do not like to lie outright but some will 'lie by omission'. Put simply, they will let you think they are not married if you don't ask. Oh and I do know what you mean about such a proposal feeling like an insult. A guy I know (but never really liked) walked over to me in a pub one evening and asked me if I would have sex with him. I was pretty stunned. I said no and he went away. It did leave me wondering what it was about me made him think such a proposal would be acceptable. Looking back, I think it was an impulse. He probably regretted asking later. Edited July 22, 2019 by spiderowl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessD30 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 I wasn’t after a good conduct medal I was simply hurt by the whole thing and was under the impression he was single, hence my refusal... just because I asked why he would do this if he was happily married was partly me being angry and curious of the answer... thanks for taking time to reply 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessD30 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 I'm not so quick to hand you the good conduct medal. You weren't hurt by his proposal, your dented feelings come from the offer's lack of exclusivity. You also didn't maintain the boundaries you knew were necessary once his marital status was clear. Hopefully, a learning experience... Mr. Lucky I wasn’t really after a good conduct medal to be honest. I was simply expressing my hurt feelings and the fact that I was lied too, yes I did go back at him with questions but I felt within my right too and understood the boundaries just fine, I do hope curiosity never gets the best of you and you have clearly never made a mistake, so you are the deserving one with the good conduct medal by the sound of it. Thanks for taking time to reply 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JessD30 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 I can understand you feeling hurt but I think you are misunderstanding what happened. Yes, he is crap for trying to cheat on his wife. It says a lot about him. He was attracted to you and tried to get you to have sex with him. It was a stupid fantasy on his part because he should have known you would turn him down. He was hoping. When you turned him down, his ego was hurt even though he didn't say so. He tried to brush it off by a sly dig - saying it could have been anybody. He was attracted to you in the first place so saying that is rubbish. I don't think you need worry about your attractiveness. Some guys will try to have sex with you - there are always some who are only ever interested in that. Some will be interested in getting to know you as a person. You are still learning how to filter out those with dubious motives. As others have said, best to check out if someone is married before getting too involved with them. I find it is best to ask directly if you feel someone is flirting and you are in doubt. Most men do not like to lie outright but some will 'lie by omission'. Put simply, they will let you think they are not married if you don't ask. Oh and I do know what you mean about such a proposal feeling like an insult. A guy I know (but never really liked) walked over to me in a pub one evening and asked me if I would have sex with him. I was pretty stunned. I said no and he went away. It did leave me wondering what it was about me made him think such a proposal would be acceptable. Looking back, I think it was an impulse. He probably regretted asking later. Thanks for your reply, on reflection I am actually feeling better about the whole situation and glad I found out the truth... the part of the story I missed out was that he Told me he was divorced and never mentioned he was remarried.... No prizes for guessing why his first marriage ended. Sorry to hear this happened to you as well, I think it is just the world of casual sex that we live in now ...onwards and upwards Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I do hope curiosity never gets the best of you and you have clearly never made a mistake, so you are the deserving one with the good conduct medal by the sound of it. Not true JessD30, I clearly made a mistake suggesting you might learn from this experience. You were never going to change him, so any continued involvement after his marital status was confirmed was simply about you. I wish you well... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 If a married man wants to cheat with you on his wife, you haven't lost anything. He wouldn't ever be worth the effort. Anybody that was that bold to want to cheat like it isn't a big deal NEVER would be. What he thinks of you isn't important. Forget him. All you would ever be to him would be another sexual conquest. Don't go there. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Thanks for your reply, on reflection I am actually feeling better about the whole situation and glad I found out the truth... the part of the story I missed out was that he Told me he was divorced and never mentioned he was remarried.... No prizes for guessing why his first marriage ended. Sorry to hear this happened to you as well, I think it is just the world of casual sex that we live in now ...onwards and upwards Good for you. I can understand why it hurt and it's always surprising to me when I find out someone I thought was a decent person isn't a decent person at all. Good luck. You've handled it well. Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 (edited) Im in the fitness industry, many of the offers I get are from women in relationships. You just simply say no. I understand it might be hurtful, and the amount of people willing to betray their partners is alarming. I've even had women going for a baby with their partner, wanting to sleep with me. Wish it were a more respectable world, but it isn't. Just build your defensive castle against it and ignore the wrong ones. Edited July 27, 2019 by fromheart Link to post Share on other sites
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