sexiibabee Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 I am not experienced in having a steady relationship. I absolutely love my boyfriend and we have been together for 9 months now. At the beginning of our relationship it was perfect. Seemed too perfect, but i was happy and I loved every minute of everyday. We've been living together too sicne we've been together. He was away for 3 months where i was shattered but still had to go about my daily routine. Before then we were never apart. Now that he's back its been 2 months and he has trust issues with me. Things keep coming up everyday. We're open with each other and we love each other. So aside from the random things that come up all the time that we argue about...I've been recently finding a lot of porn come up. he says that he's always done it when he's bored. that its not a big deal. i love him to death but like i said i'm not experienced with relationships..Is this normal?? Need I be as hurt as I feel. My boyfriend is looking and enjoying to look at naked women...why wouldnt i feel horrible about that.. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 There are a million threads on here about women who are upset about their men watching porn. I think it's pretty normal if it's not obsessive, some people will disagree with me though. Personally, I couldn't care less if they do or not. It's only fantasy. Do you think he gets upset when you go to see the new Jared Leto or Jude Law movie? Cause we know why you're really going to see it and it's not for the outstanding script. I would be more concerned that there's a trust issue between the two of you and that you're arguing all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 He was away for 3 months where i was shattered but still had to go about my daily routine. Before then we were never apart. Now that he's back its been 2 months and he has trust issues with me. What was he doing those three months? Its apparent that he has at least had a change of heart in that time he was gone. I'm not suggesting that anything was going on, but something was certainly going on on an emotional level if he came back acting differently than he was before he left. Did he maintain contact with you during that time? Did you have any doubts about anything - the way he was acting, etc when you would talk to him? Was he being distant, or had unaccounted for lapses? What sort of trust issues are you talking about? Is it him not trusting you, or you not trusting him? Is it only the porn thing, or other things that have been coming up? I've been recently finding a lot of porn come up. he says that he's always done it when he's bored. I'm not certain why he wouldn't have been bored before, but is now bored enough to do it after he got back. It seems to me that something was going on at least internally with him, and he let some of his emotional investment in you slip and as you try to keep it from slipping, it just seems to push him further down the slope. If anything, you will want to focus on what happened during those three months with him that got him this way when he got back. The porn thing is troubling, but right now you'll want to focus on what got him there. Something is causing this - the trust issues, the arguing, etc - it would do well to figure out what that is. Have you talked with him - not about the porn, but about what is going on in his heart in regards to you? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 I think what sticks out at me the most about your post, was when you said now that he is back he has trust issues with you. That would be a redflag for me if I were in your shoes. Has he said WHY he has trust issues with you? Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author sexiibabee Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 hey thanks everyone. i had an anthropology class today and very appropriately the professor lectured on culture, relationships, and communities. my bf has trust issues because we were unseparable while we were together and i relied on him for everything. he left to serve some time and i had to learn to do things w/o him. we definitely wrote to each other everyday but just being away and not knowing what i was doing led him to not trust me. that is something that will heal with time. he is here now and we are together when we are. he still cannot leave the house. i was upset about the porn because it made me self-conscious and insecure about my physical appearance and intimate life. after reading all that and listening to what a few people had to say, the main issue is with me. once i change my world and make myself feel better with confidence i believe everything will end up ok. thanks everyone!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts