S2B Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Is she quitting the job? It seems obvious they were doing things at work - and he wanted her to go on an outing with him. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 If you're concerned that something happened before you caught her, just use data recovery software and you'll be able to pull up her previous texts. It'll take you all of an hour and give you the answers you want/need. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 The app is nice. Accept the offer of the polygraph but don't do it. First private polygraphs are incredibly expensive. Plus what are you going to do if she fails? The device measures breathing & heart beat. If she's nervous because she knows the outcome of her marriage hangs in the balance that could skew the test. You & the machine would see that as lying when it was really just terror. If quitting her job isn't one of the options on the table all the rest is BS. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 (edited) If quitting her job isn't one of the options on the table all the rest is BS. Agree. If she doesn’t have a plan to quit her job, the rest is nothing more than smoke and mirrors and she is not committed to healing the damage she has done to the marriage... And if she says that she can’t/there are no other options for employment - I would respond to say that she shouldn’t have been engaging in an inappropriate relationship with a coworker. It’s the natural consequence when an individual crosses inappropriate boundaries at work. Edited July 21, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 If money is a huge factor I Might be convinced that she can stay until she gets another job but I'd need to see a huge effort to get one. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 Right now she is in self preservation mode. Her words are meaningless. Better look at her actions. Those will tell you what you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 Accept the offer of the polygraph but don't do it. First private polygraphs are incredibly expensive. Plus what are you going to do if she fails? The device measures breathing & heart beat. If she's nervous because she knows the outcome of her marriage hangs in the balance that could skew the test. You & the machine would see that as lying when it was really just terror. I don't understand why you keep anti-selling polygraphs as being worse than useless. Granted they are not flawless, and some people are able to be controlled enough to beat them, but that does not make them totally useless. Nervousness is factored into the baseline response by asking simple questions that the subject can easily answer truthfully, and other questions that they can answer truthfully but that they may be nervous about. Then, for the vast majority of people who haven't been trained to beat them, the indications are clear on deceptions. The skill of the administrator is a factor too. While I completely agree that they should not be allowed as evidence in court, they are absolutely useful in figuring out if someone is lying or obfuscating. A negative result is not assurance of them telling the truth, but a positive result is more reliable. In these infidelity circumstances, as someone else said, the anxiety of a polygraph prompts the parking lot confession. That's the real benefit here. I see no reason why OP should not avail himself given that it's almost certain that she's trickle truthing the crap out of him. Being that overtly sexual in initial messages is simply not believable. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 The day that I have my spouse actually do a polygraph test is the day all trust has been lost in my marriage and I file for divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 OP, Has the potential for leaving her job been discussed? If they work together in the same physical area and can email/talk/make arrangements there, what does it matter if you see texts and phone calls? It won't solve the root issue of who she is/why she did what she did, wherever she goes she could do the same and it's all the same slippery slope she set foot on. But quitting is an actionable sign of commitment to rebuilding trust and removing the temptation/reminder so the focus can be redirected to the way forward. Her actions need consequences that impact her to hopefully be a catalyst to prioritize you, your relationship and appropriate boundaries. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 The day that I have my spouse actually do a polygraph test is the day all trust has been lost in my marriage and I file for divorce. No kidding! Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 Hi brother, I say this as you have to think clearly, focus on the hear and now! Now let’s start and focus on your mind and body to get in tune. Ok 1 what do you want to know, 2 what will it take to believe the responses, 3 what if she fails the Poly, 4 what will your actions be if you don’t believe the response with/without evidence. To ensure she believes this you need to clearly and rationally communicate your wants, needs, mindset, ramifications if caught lying etc to her. Not angry or threatening but clear. That way there is no miss understanding. Please don’t speculate, or respond with ‘I know you did this’ but listen to you subconscious but don’t put blinkers up and reject evidence that don’t support your thoughts. I did read you posts, but am I correct in saying that she would agree to say the sexting went on longer as you don’t believe her version of the events? What was her justification in starting and continuing in the sexting relationship? Did you inform the MM’s spouse that a sexting possible EA was going on? What will it take for you to believe and undertake R with your W? Please look after your self, mind and body. Take care and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Friend, she knows your history about being betrayed, she knows that cheating on you is a deal breaker, didn't stop her from jumping in with both feet did it? She was caught and when confronted lied to you about their relationship. Tell his wife, expose the POS, don't let your wife know until after you have exposed him. If she has agreed to take a polygraph do it because she may never agree to it later when things have calmed down. Many will tell you they are unreliable but just remember, every law enforcement organization on the plant uses them for a reason. A good polygraph examiner can tell the difference. Your wife is a grown woman, she knows right from wrong, making dates with a male co worker and keeping it secret from you is wrong. Putting things in writing(text) and sending it out over internet is dangerous, specially for a woman. Creeps like him brag about their conquests specially if they are a married milf. You need to find out who you are really married to and if this is the woman you want to grow old with. Have her write out a timeline of all that has happened(make sure she understands that she only has one chance to tell you the truth no matter how hard it is on you) and that you will be following it up with a polygraph. She needs to know that you are still undecided about the future of your marriage as her infidelity has trumped her vows and honesty is key to any potential reconciliation. As of right now you don't really know what your forgiving. These are all consequences of her decision to cheat on you. It is better to know the truth now so you don't waste anymore time on a bad relationship. Independent counselling for her is a absolute requirement for reconciliation. She needs to fix what is broken in her that allowed her to give herself the approval to betray you and her child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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