Friend getting married should I ask about prenup

[noname321]

My friend is getting married. He hasn't known the girl long he's a wear his heart on a sleeve kind of guy.

 

I am the best man at the wedding.

 

Should I ask him if he has considered getting a prenup? Do you think it will offend him?

 

Just trying to look out for his best interests

[Beendaredonedat]

Is your friend wealthy?

Does he have a lot of assets accumulated prior to meeting her?

[schlumpy]

You must have a reason for asking this question. Is your friend wealthy or liable to inherit a large sum of money?

 

Does his fiancée have debt that he may end up liable for? Something has prompted you to worry about this at a late stage in their relationship.

 

If you are a good friend I don't see why you can't ask about it. I don't find it bad form to look out for my friends even if they don't listen to me most of the time.

 

Best Wishes

[noname321]

She is a single Mum with 3 children. I assume she doesn't have much money. He has savings, earns good money, saves wisely, owns a house etc.

 

He talks to me about how great she is etc. To be honest I don't know how long they have been together he is a bit of a secret squirrel.

 

Just don't want to see him being taken to the cleaners!

Edited July 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Beendaredonedat]

Then just ask him matter of factly if he has a prenup in place. Make is so it looks like its something you will when you get married.

 

You: "Hey Joe, did you get your prenup in place yet? I know I'll be getting one done before I get married." See what he has to say. All you can do is suggest it and then let it go as it's his decision.

Edited July 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[schlumpy]

I don't blame you but he has right to his own life. Face it, any new relationship is a roll of the dice. I can't say his marriage will be any less successful than any one else's until he proves it isn't.

[Simple Logic]

I don’t know the divorce laws in the jurisdiction of your friend, but in the US marital property does not include assists owned prior to the marriage unless put in the name of the spouse and child support for her children is a non starter.

[basil67]

Don't offer your opinion unless he asks for it.

[Mr. Lucky]

Should I ask him if he has considered getting a prenup?

 

I think asking if he's considered a prenup is different than advocating for one.

 

To me, seems like the kind of thing a good friend and best man would do.

 

If he's previously unmarried and childless, I can almost guarantee her friends have asked her about marrying a man who doesn't have children.

 

So yes, I'd bring it up casually...

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

Unless you are his father, his lawyer or financial advisor, do not ask about a prenup. He will take it as an insult.

[The Outlaw]

Express concern, but don't ask him if he's considered a prenup. It's always a danger to rush things, but he's going to have to see for himself if this is going to be worth it in the end.

[Beendaredonedat]

I don’t know the divorce laws in the jurisdiction of your friend, but in the US marital property does not include assists owned prior to the marriage unless put in the name of the spouse and child support for her children is a non starter.

 

I don't think that is correct. Family law differs from state to state. So that may be true where you live but may not be true in another state.

 

Where I live, assets brought into the marriage are taken into consideration based on on what amount they have increased. If a house was owned by one party and was appraised in the year of the marriage at say $50,000 and at the time of divorce it was appraised at $75,000 only the difference of $25,000 would be split down the middle making it easier for the original home owner to just buy out their spouse.

[Timshel]

Should you be his best man if you are thinking about his divorce?

Is he happy? You obviously disprove of the marriage but will stand up as a witness to the love they have for each other. Hmmm.

I would say mind your own beeswax and if you are flustered doing so, then step down as best man.

If you can't say what you think to your best bud then he doesn't know that you are not his best friend; like you think she is after him for money....get it?

[somanymistakes]

Depending on how long it is until the wedding, a last-minute prenup is not legally valid, so it may be too late.

 

For that matter most people don't need one. There are strict limits on what you can and can't put in a prenup. If it says "lol I owe no child support and no alimony ever" it will simply be overturned later. This isn't some deal-with-the-devil story, making someone sign an invalid contract does not actually bind their immortal soul.

 

There are a few specific circumstances where you need to specify certain assets to be ringfenced and excluded from the marriage. This is more likely to be an issue if you own a business or if you have your own kids before you get married. If either of these is true, you definitely should be talking to a financial adviser before marrying to ensure you don't screw things up (Also, update your will!)

 

Or you may just want it on paper making it clear that you DID own XYZ before getting married. That's fine.

 

But for the most part:

* his premarital assets will still belong to him

* marital assets will still belong to both of them

* marital appreciation of assets will belong to both of them

* nothing of his will go to her kids unless he chooses to gift it to them

* he would not be responsible for child support for her children unless he adopted them

 

and he doesn't need a prenup for any of that

[thefooloftheyear]

I know several attorneys, including my own personal attorney...

 

I believe all of them have pre-nups…

 

That should tell you all you need to hear or know about this topic...I disagree with the others in the sense that its perfectly normal to suggest this to a close friend...Sometimes people become blind and lack clarity when they have fallen in love/lust...

 

In pairings where both parties start at completely equal footing then its less of a concern...Here, that is obviously not the case..

 

But either way, a consult with an attorney is something that this guy would be wise to entertain.. Laws vary from state to state, and its important to know going in what you could be getting yourself into if the crap hits the fan, as its far better chance than a coin flip that it will..

 

TFY

[Springsummer]

She is a single Mum with 3 children. !

 

 

I am surprised a mum with 3 children can still find someone decent to marry. I surely won't marry a men who has 3 kids. unless myself also have kids.

[Mr. Lucky]

I surely won't marry a men who has 3 kids. unless myself also have kids.

 

Yes, I'm also curious about the groom's history. If he hasn't been previously married or fathered children, wedding a recently met single Mom of three is a heck of a jump. Forget prenup, the OP may want to conduct a sanity check..

 

Mr. Lucky

[somanymistakes]

It's really not as unusual as you might think. It's not the most common arrangement, no, but it happens all the time. Read a step-parenting forum! While it's more common for people to marry someone with kids if they have kids of their own, people without kids do get into these arrangements.

 

Sometimes even weirder setups. It's hard to imagine what drives a 21 year old to marry a 41 year old with three kids... but I've seen it happen.

 

Will it last in the long run? Uh... that's a separate question. A lot of people who leap into these arrangements when they don't have kids of their own do burn out pretty fast.

[Cersei]

Although you are concerned, it is their business not yours. It has nothing to do with you. Stay out of it and be there to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart.

[lana-banana]

Depending on how long it is until the wedding, a last-minute prenup is not legally valid, so it may be too late.

 

For that matter most people don't need one. There are strict limits on what you can and can't put in a prenup. If it says "lol I owe no child support and no alimony ever" it will simply be overturned later. This isn't some deal-with-the-devil story, making someone sign an invalid contract does not actually bind their immortal soul.

 

There are a few specific circumstances where you need to specify certain assets to be ringfenced and excluded from the marriage. This is more likely to be an issue if you own a business or if you have your own kids before you get married. If either of these is true, you definitely should be talking to a financial adviser before marrying to ensure you don't screw things up (Also, update your will!)

 

Or you may just want it on paper making it clear that you DID own XYZ before getting married. That's fine.

 

But for the most part:

* his premarital assets will still belong to him

* marital assets will still belong to both of them

* marital appreciation of assets will belong to both of them

* nothing of his will go to her kids unless he chooses to gift it to them

* he would not be responsible for child support for her children unless he adopted them

 

and he doesn't need a prenup for any of that

 

I know we aren't supposed to quote full posts, but this post in its entirety deserves attention. Unless you are in a state with unusual laws, or you have assets which could potentially be used by your partner during the course of a marriage (a business, property, or an inheritance), you probably don't need a prenup. In a case like this where one partner has a lot more assets than the other, she won't have any claim to any of his assets unless they're married for decades or he adopts her children. If the marriage goes south quickly she's not going to be able to take him to the cleaners.