What's there to miss/gain? Would U commit to a guy who doesn't believe in marriage?

[lovesucks]

Is marriage really just "a piece of paper"?

 

Afterall, one can still love and live with someone and have kids together like a family. Once can still care for another for the good or the worst, sickness or health, richer or poorer like a married couple does without being married. The only different thing here is the couple are not married.

 

In this case, is there any love committment exist in this kind of relationship? If so is it possible for it to last? Are there any benefits or downsides to being not married and starting a family? I would be interested to hear any viewpoints from both males and females. Thank you!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

All of that largely depends on what importance people put on symbols of love, as opposed to the love itself. I guess for some it is a matter of security. For others, its just a piece of paper with no bearing on the emotional end of things. For others it is a heck of a lot easier legally (in terms of govt. paperwork/insurance/etc). For some it is a cherished symbol of how deep one's commitment can go.

 

1. In this case, is there any love committment exist in this kind of relationship?

2. If so is it possible for it to last?

3. Are there any benefits or downsides to being not married and starting a family?

 

1. It depends on the people in the relationship. For me, the paperwork is second to the emotional bond I share with Mr. B. Marrying or not marrying would not have changed how I felt about him.

2. If the people involved want it to, sure. They have to be on the same page about it though.

3. I started out that way. Mr. B and I didn't marry until the day Little B came home from the hospital (she was in a neonatal unit for three months). We decided that when we left the hospital together, we wanted to leave as a family - both emotionally and legally, so we married in the chapel of the hospital the day that Little B was discharged. It made sense to do that since we were three now instead of just two. It has made general 'life-stuff' paperwork/taxes etc. a lot easier.

[SilentPrayer]

Personally,

 

I believe in marriage before childbirth. My family is really old fashioned and It would be against all of our values to have a child out of wedlock.

Personally I would like to live an egsistance with a spouce that I have children with but with no serious bond such as marriage.

Then there is another side of me that really understands the fact that even if you don't get married and not exactly bonded in that legal sence you can still be liable for a divorce court.

 

Commenlaw Divorces are beguining to be more and more frequent.

 

In this sence I would really rather get married and have the celibration to family, friends, co-workers, ex's lol. Everyone to whom I care to invite.

 

I am a senceable person and I enjoy my life @ the moment. I really do hope to find a life companion soon. I may be young and you possibly could say foolish but I feel older then my years. I don't feel my age, I feel like god has handed me wisdome of another. Someone wiser and smarter.

I should listen and reflect apon that side of me more often.

 

Anyhow.

 

I believe in marriage but I do not believe in divorce. However I do also believe in a contract that is personally writen between both partners stateing marriage rules, guidelines, ect. Something that is totally personal, intimate, and reflect apon both partners. Incase of any legal dispute it would be a nice reminder of any rules set down.

 

Agree??????

 

 

Tell me what you all think

 

Silent:love:

[quankanne]

is marriage just a piece of paper? depends on the outlook of the couple in question. No way in hell would I have put up with some of my husband's crap had we not been married, simply because marriage has given our relationship more concise, definite parameters and we know what to expect of it and each other. I'm sure he feels the same. Had we just been boyfriend/girlfriend or living together, it would have been easier to walk whenever crap hit the fan. Which speaks tons about my loyalty to that relationship, doesn't it? In my case, no permanence = no expectations of the success of that relationship because it's not rooted in anything "real." But that doesn't mean I'm wrong or I'm right, just have a very definite outlook on marriage and relationships.

 

is there any love committment exist in this kind of relationship? If so is it possible for it to last? Are there any benefits or downsides to being not married and starting a family?

 

again, it all depends on your outlook on a monagamous, committed relationship. Some people are able to make a strong union without benefit of marriage, and they do just fine, while others find strength in knowing that they've got a legal leg to stand on. I would imagine that having a family without benefit of marriage would complicate things in terms of medical benefits/insurance, giving the kids a solid claim to their kinship with their extended family (remember, a lot of people still punish kids of unwed parents by making them "less" because they're bastards, legally) and other stuff that LB touches upon

[bab]

I think it really depends on the couple. I like the idea of marriage, because it's a public commitiment. I think that without marriage that in the back of my head I would always think that, well, if this isn't perfect, I can still bail...

 

Besides that there is all the legal and medical advantages.

[lilmoma1973]

Hey Lovesucks,

Marriage can be a wonderful thing if two people are willing to meet in the middle.. When you have one trying and the other not pulling their weight then i guess then you could say it is just a piece of paper..

[lilmoma1973]

what i am saying is that marriage is what you make of it and if you want a wonderful one you can have one and if you want a ****ty one then you can have that too!!!

[georgiagirl76]

I realize you were asking more of a philosophical question- but there are legal reasons to get married. As a lawyer I always advise clients to get married in a situation such as the one described. If one of you dies there are a lot of things that are beneficial in settling the estate if you are married as opposed to just living together. If one of you ends up needing surgery or something in an emergency situation you woudln't be able to make that decision as their bf/gf. It would be left up to the next of kin and that person may not be really very close your bf/gf. There are also issue with insurance and other financial stuff. There are many legal implications but I am sure that isn't what you were talking about.

[Woggle]

There is no point to marriage anymore. If I love a woman it should be enough.

[Cecelius]

I honestly believe that, like having children, two people have to be of exactly the same mind on the subject of marriage. If you cannot, in your heart, avoid being disappointed that you would not be marrying the guy, then staying with him is probably incorrect.

 

From the guy's perspective, no offense, but he is probably reacting to the many unfortunate stats and stereotypes out there about what happens to you after marriage.

 

For a man who is financially and emotionally stable and is enjoying life, there is little to recommend itself about marriage, unless he wants children.

[Tamrick]

I believe marriage is important cause it is a committment that two people make and vows are taken - you promise the person you are marrying a large number of things, one of which is to support them and create a single unit (two become one) People live together cause they do not want to make a commitment and because they want to be able to bail when things don't work out - that is lazy. Marriage is a committment to work together to fix problems, not just to run when the going gets tough.

 

Here are some reasons men may want to get married

- their wife is committed to them and won't just run away

- they can have children (ok so no one cares about continuing their family line anymore, but maybe they should else the human species will disappear)

- if they are in huge financial debt then they can buy things like houses which they may not be able to do because of the debt (I know a guy like this)

- they will be mighty lonely in old age - there are very few 20 year olds who will marry you when you are 80 except to get on your will and that is not love

- they do not have to care for themselves constantly - ok so many woman will not just stay home and clean up anymore, but if you only have to cook 50% of the time its still a bonus

- you get to share your life with a woman and be close to her - many men will not admit it but emotionally many are insecure and what works at 30 may not work when you are 50 or 60

do guys know that they have far less chance of getting a girl these days at all - I'd advise them to keep her. Here is the story: many men did NOT marry early, therefore at 40+ they are looking for girls younger than 30, as are guys in their 30s and 20s. That means for every available girl there are something like 5-6 guys wanting her. If you find one, you better keep her cause they are a rare breed!