For real, what's wrong with me?

[bradt93]

I'm 30 and a virgin, I never really had a date and I'm uncomfortable around women. I don't socialize at all with anyone. All my life I've had a few compliments from women, but other than that I feel they hate me. I always stay in my room afraid of being rejected. I just go to college and pretend noone exists in my orbit.

[PRW]

You just answered your own question.

 

1. I'm uncomfortable around women.
   
2. I don't socialize at all with anyone
   
3. I feel they hate me.
   
4. I always stay in my room afraid of being rejected.
   
5. I just go to college and pretend no one exists in my orbit
   

The kind of self improvement work you need to find is beyond the scope of what any anonymous amateur wanna-be therapist, such as myself, on a discussion forum website can deal with. You need in-person work with real people that know what they are doing. Hence, my tag line at the bottom.

[Happy Lemming]

...afraid of being rejected.

 

What are you afraid of?? What do you think a woman is going to do or say if you approach her in a social situation and ask her out?? What is the worst thing that is going to happen??

 

As a man that has approached & dated many women, I can tell you first hand that 99.9% of women who reject you will do it in a polite manner. Usually, it is a "No, thank you" or "I already have a boyfriend" or something along those lines. In the rare event that a woman is rude to you in her rejection, what is the worst thing that is going to happen. She says some unkind things to you as you walk away, who cares.

 

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

[chillii]

Yep hl is right , l too rarely if ever found women to be nasty about such a natural thing and it is, actually it often makes their day they've said it, even if they did have someone already.

The way l see it your a 30yr old man that's the absolute prime of your life.

You got 2 choices , make yourself get out there and start living, baby steps are just fine, bit by bit, you'll get there.

Or go get some help , but you'll still have to do something about this either way yourself your the only one that can change anything real

Edited July 21, 2019 by chillii

[schlumpy]

Find yourself a part time job where you have to interact with people. Run an information desk, take orders at a fast food place, library desk - anything where you are forced to interface with a variety of people and you have to make an effort so you can keep the job.

 

A few months of that will boost your confidence and allow you to take another step forward in a less secure environment. It is about security, isn't it? Feeling safe?

 

Best Wishes

[somanymistakes]

Talk to a therapist. Learn to be feel more comfortable with yourself and with other people.

 

You need to learn how to make friends and to not be afraid of everyone hating you more than you need a date. You need to be able to see women as people and to like people.

[Foxhall]

Get out of that corner buddy,

 

You are in your prime there as Chilli says,

 

these meetup groups are a decent starting point, get yourself out there socialising even once a week or a fortnight,

 

its not that hard and you will actually enjoy it even though it may seem daunting at first,

 

try the therapist idea if that helps you get out there, but get socialising is the key for you now.

[The Outlaw]

Why do you feel they hate you?

[elaine567]

Are you taking your medication?

Have you spoken to anyone regarding how you don't want to go out and are hiding away?