My friend is very angry at me, is she overreacting?

[miss2017]

Me and this girl have been friends for over 10 years, although we live 4h apart and don't see each other often, but we talk daily on Facebook and tell each other about our lives.

 

So earlier this year I was on a 6 month relationship with a guy and we broke up in May.

 

About 2 weeks ago we started talking again, and I told my friend about it. She wasn't very happy about it.

 

So last Tuesday I met with him and we just realised we are still very much in love and want to give another try to our relationship. I was very happy because we seem so aligned and connected now like we even weren't before.

 

So I was with him on that day, then had a lot of work to do on Wednesday and was also with him later in the evening, and Thursday morning he took me to the airport as I went abroad for holidays. I posted a photo of both of us kissing on Instagram Stories as I was so happy about it.

 

I planned to tell my friend about it after I arrived at my destination and have more free time to talk, but also was having this feeling she wouldn't like to know I'm back with him.

 

So she basically saw my Insta Story photo before I talked to her and was VERY mad at me, saying how could I do this to her, that she felt really stupid for knowing about it from Instagram and not from me, etc, etc.

 

I told her my life had been really busy the previous days and I had planned to tell her when I arrived and had more time. And also, we only got back together 2 days ago, and I was still living the reconciliation and trying to see how I feel about it, without wanting to talk about it with anyone else.

 

She was really harsh to me, almost felt like she's my mom or something like that, and I think it was a bit too much.

 

She could just asked me: "hey I saw your IG Story photo, do you want to tell me about it"?

 

No need to act like that, like I have the obligation to rush and tell her just because I talked about him before.

 

She also started saying she's not happy I'm back with him, that I am making a mistake, etc. And I didn't ask her anything about it or her opinion about it.

 

Any insight on this?

[stillafool]

I would imagine when you first broke up with him you told your friend all kinds of bad things about him. She supported you through this and then sees you kissing him on social media. She probably feels like a fool for investing her time helping you. I wouldn't be as upset as her if I were in her place but some people react badly as your friend did. This is why I never get in the middle of my friends break ups because in my experience they always end up back together and I'm the one left with egg on my face.

[Cersei]

By chance Have you ever confided in her about how he treated you? If he treated you poorly and she was your shoulder to cry on then of course she would be mad at you for going back to him.

 

Or do you ignore her and leave her out when you are with him?

 

There is a reason she is mad and only she knows the answer. Ask her why she is mad.

[FMW]

I agree with the other posters that a large part of her behavior might be from knowing your history with this guy.

 

I do agree with you that she's being rather harsh. Her asking how you could do this to her is a little too dramatic in my opinion, maybe a little controlling. You made a choice she didn't like and didn't tell you immediately. Not something to go off about.

 

I do think, however, that she has a right to tell you if she thinks you're making a mistake. But she should do so in a calm and reasonable way. That's what friends do. So she may have overreacted, but she probably had a legitimate and caring reason at the core of it.

Edited July 21, 2019 by Finding my way

[miss2017]

I would imagine when you first broke up with him you told your friend all kinds of bad things about him. She supported you through this and then sees you kissing him on social media. She probably feels like a fool for investing her time helping you. I wouldn't be as upset as her if I were in her place but some people react badly as your friend did. This is why I never get in the middle of my friends break ups because in my experience they always end up back together and I'm the one left with egg on my face.

 

That's the thing. When she saw the Instagram Story photo, she didn't know who he was, because the photo was taken me kissing him on the cheek and you couldn't see his face, so she didn't know it was him or who it was and was instantly mad about me without knowing who he was.

 

She asked me in a very rude way "who is that dude?"

 

I didn't like that at all, because I don't go about kissing "dudes".

 

She only got more mad when she realised it was him. But even if it was someone else, she would be mad as well.

[miss2017]

I would imagine when you first broke up with him you told your friend all kinds of bad things about him. She supported you through this and then sees you kissing him on social media. She probably feels like a fool for investing her time helping you. I wouldn't be as upset as her if I were in her place but some people react badly as your friend did. This is why I never get in the middle of my friends break ups because in my experience they always end up back together and I'm the one left with egg on my face.

 

Yes I told her the bad things about him and yes she supported me. The same way I supported her many times before with her relationships and guys. Same here.

 

So, I have invested time as well supporting her, not just her to me.

 

If it was the other way around, I would be curious to know why she decided to go back together and would tell her I'm here if you want to talk. Not get all angry because she didn't tell me immediately, especially if I knew she was busy travelling.

[preraph]

Well, she sounds more like a jealous lover. Are you sure there isn't something going on there?

 

 

Of course, if you have spent a lot of time in the past complaining about this guy you just got back together with, then she has a right to think you're stupid for getting back together with him.

[miss2017]

Well, she sounds more like a jealous lover. Are you sure there isn't something going on there?

 

 

Of course, if you have spent a lot of time in the past complaining about this guy you just got back together with, then she has a right to think you're stupid for getting back together with him.

 

She wasn't mad at me because I got back together with him, she was mad because I didn't tell her immediately as soon as that happened.

[stillafool]

That's the thing. When she saw the Instagram Story photo, she didn't know who he was, because the photo was taken me kissing him on the cheek and you couldn't see his face, so she didn't know it was him or who it was and was instantly mad about me without knowing who he was.

 

She asked me in a very rude way "who is that dude?"

 

I didn't like that at all, because I don't go about kissing "dudes".

 

She only got more mad when she realised it was him. But even if it was someone else, she would be mad as well.

 

When she asked yo9u "who is that dude" what did you tell her?

[rainbow12]

The dark side of her is that she's feeling perhaps jealous...that you're with someone and she's on her own, She probably wants attention from you but you now can't give it to her because you have a boyfriend whom you are with and she disapproves. We can all share our opinions and thoughts on here but the bottom line is that you're the one who has to talk to her and sort this. It's not going to fix itself. I think she probably had a feeling you was going to go back to him and as quick as a wink YOU did and since you didn't talk to her immediately about it I guess that's what set her off the most because to her you kept it like a little secret from her. You and her need to hear both sides and come to a agreement.

[miss2017]

The dark side of her is that she's feeling perhaps jealous...that you're with someone and she's on her own, She probably wants attention from you but you now can't give it to her because you have a boyfriend whom you are with and she disapproves. We can all share our opinions and thoughts on here but the bottom line is that you're the one who has to talk to her and sort this. It's not going to fix itself. I think she probably had a feeling you was going to go back to him and as quick as a wink YOU did and since you didn't talk to her immediately about it I guess that's what set her off the most because to her you kept it like a little secret from her. You and her need to hear both sides and come to a agreement.

 

Who needs a friend who is jealous and behaves like that then? What's the good in that? Nothing.

 

I tried to talk to her already and sort this. I even explained to her that we only got back together a few days ago, and I was about to leave on holidays, had everything to prepare, and I also had a lot of work to do before I leave and I also have a 10 year old son to take care of!

 

I told her all that and that I wanted to tell her but when I arrived at my destination and I have free time to talk.

 

After I told her that she was still angry at me. And then I told her that there's nothing else I can do about it if she chooses to continue to be angry.

[miss2017]

When she asked yo9u "who is that dude" what did you tell her?

 

I told her who he is and that we got back together.

[miss2017]

Well, she sounds more like a jealous lover. Are you sure there isn't something going on there?

 

 

Of course, if you have spent a lot of time in the past complaining about this guy you just got back together with, then she has a right to think you're stupid for getting back together with him.

 

Yes, she sounded like I was dating her and cheated on her with someone else and she found out through a photo.

 

There is probably something else going on there but I don't know what.

 

She has the right to think I'm stupid for getting back together with him if in the past I complained about him, what she doesn't have the right is to BE stupid to me.

[rainbow12]

Who needs a friend who is jealous and behaves like that then? What's the good in that? Nothing.

 

I tried to talk to her already and sort this. I even explained to her that we only got back together a few days ago, and I was about to leave on holidays, had everything to prepare, and I also had a lot of work to do before I leave and I also have a 10 year old son to take care of!

 

I told her all that and that I wanted to tell her but when I arrived at my destination and I have free time to talk.

 

After I told her that she was still angry at me. And then I told her that there's nothing else I can do about it if she chooses to continue to be angry.

 

 

it seems like she's immature and can't handle you not telling her right away, So, the only thing I shall suggest is either give her space and let her cool off or just leave the friendship thing. I mean you aren't telling her is not going to effect her life is it? So what if you didn't tell her straight away.? She thinks you need to answer her urgently when something happens, but life is not like that.

 

She must not have kids to not understand how busy you are.

You are in the hot seat with her at this time, so it's better if you just ignore her for awhile.

[BettyDraper]

The dark side of her is that she's feeling perhaps jealous...that you're with someone and she's on her own, She probably wants attention from you but you now can't give it to her because you have a boyfriend whom you are with and she disapproves. We can all share our opinions and thoughts on here but the bottom line is that you're the one who has to talk to her and sort this. It's not going to fix itself. I think she probably had a feeling you was going to go back to him and as quick as a wink YOU did and since you didn't talk to her immediately about it I guess that's what set her off the most because to her you kept it like a little secret from her. You and her need to hear both sides and come to a agreement.

 

I think you could be right. This situation is about jealousy. OP, you just have to give her time to come around.

[preraph]

The only other thing I can think to ask is, when you were with him, were you spending less time with her? Could that be why she dreads you getting back with him? And maybe when you got back with him, already you weren't contacting her so she started wondering why and when she found out, she was like, Oh, here we go again, now that she had a bf again, she will neglect me?

[miss2017]

The only other thing I can think to ask is, when you were with him, were you spending less time with her? Could that be why she dreads you getting back with him? And maybe when you got back with him, already you weren't contacting her so she started wondering why and when she found out, she was like, Oh, here we go again, now that she had a bf again, she will neglect me?

 

Me and my friend we live several hours away from each other and haven't seen each other in ages. But we do talk everyday on Facebook chat and I have continued to chat with her during the time I was with him before.

 

Actually, the ironic thing is, in about 2 weeks I am going to travel to where she lives because I have family there and have to go to take care of some family stuff, and I was planning with her for us to meet and see each other.

 

Now that this happened, I am basically travelling there with him and I don't think I am going to meet with her any longer.

[miss2017]

it seems like she's immature and can't handle you not telling her right away, So, the only thing I shall suggest is either give her space and let her cool off or just leave the friendship thing. I mean you aren't telling her is not going to effect her life is it? So what if you didn't tell her straight away.? She thinks you need to answer her urgently when something happens, but life is not like that.

 

She must not have kids to not understand how busy you are.

You are in the hot seat with her at this time, so it's better if you just ignore her for awhile.

 

No absolutely nothing affected her life because of me not telling her immediately. And I didn't know there was a contract between us with some kind of script that I need to follow and tell her immediately and before I post any photos on social media. Sorry, I didn't read that script...

 

I just find this is way too much.

 

She does have kids actually, but her kid is on holidays away at the moment, whilst I was still doing the school run with mine whilst packing and planning our holidays abroad.

 

That's what I am doing, just stepping back for a while, because at the moment I have zero interest in talking to her because if I do I know it will be arguments again.

[preraph]

Stepping back may be the death of this relationship.

I just want you to realize that friends are harder and harder to find the older you get and it sounds like you're already in the age group where it begins to be harder to find friends. If you want to know why she reacted so harshly you should ask her, but the fact that you fought head of time that she wasn't going to like it tells me you already know something that you're really not talking about.

 

There is an obligation to maintain friendships. If you just shelve them when it's not convenient for you, you will lose friends and you may find yourself without very many when you're older.

 

the fact that she has a child and is still making all this extra effort to keep up with you is something you may not appreciate until you have a person you're close to who has children and then just abandons you or until you have children yourself.

[miss2017]

Stepping back may be the death of this relationship.

I just want you to realize that friends are harder and harder to find the older you get and it sounds like you're already in the age group where it begins to be harder to find friends. If you want to know why she reacted so harshly you should ask her, but the fact that you fought head of time that she wasn't going to like it tells me you already know something that you're really not talking about.

 

There is an obligation to maintain friendships. If you just shelve them when it's not convenient for you, you will lose friends and you may find yourself without very many when you're older.

 

the fact that she has a child and is still making all this extra effort to keep up with you is something you may not appreciate until you have a person you're close to who has children and then just abandons you or until you have children yourself.

 

Sorry but I am the one who has a full-time son and still makes time to talk to her. I was talking to her everyday up to this argument.

 

I don't agree with you, we have no obligation to maintain friendships that are not aligned with how we want a friendship to be. Also you might be right that as we get older is more difficult to make new friends, but that doesn't mean that we should accept things we don't like from the ones we current have.

 

I did try to talk to her, asked her why she reacted so harshly and she was harsh again basically, and wanted to have an argument again. That's why I stepped back.

 

I want to talk to her, not to have arguments. Stepping back may be the death of this relationship, but every time I try to talk to her she is harsh to me and enough is enough.

 

I felt she was going to behave like this before I told her, and to be honest I was VERY happy to be together with him again and didn't want any argument with her.