I'm not sure if a girl at work is interested or just being a nice person

[SeanPorter]

There's this girl at my job that I'm interested in (I know, a terrible idea). To start, she's very attractive. To the point that the guys in our office always find reasons to be near her. When she asks for help with something, there will be like three or four guys around her desk helping out. This is precisely why I kept my interactions with her to a minimum so I wouldn't be the 10th guy running behind her. I find that its easier to meet women when you keep to yourself and let them come to you. If they're interested, they will give you signs to talk to them and you go from there.

 

Its been confusing. With the other girls at work, I know who may have been attracted to me at one point (I never pursued anything with them but, it was obvious enough to tell) and I know the girls who had no interest at all (completely reciprocated on my end as well) as our conversations are always formal, clinical and professional. With the woman in question, its more opaque. Over the past few months, there's been multiple times where we ended up alone together (breaks, in the same room, after meetings, her sitting next to me or asking for help, etc.) and we ended up talking for fifteen to twenty minutes. I would try to keep the conversation short sometimes to not look thirsty + to appear professional + not knowing if she's just simply being friendly and she would just change the subject and start talking about something else to keep things going. I'm stuck between trying to play things cool with her for the sake of my job + not knowing if she wants to be around me because she's interested or because she's just a nice person that likes talking to people.

 

The issue is the next day she would barely speak. As if I was bothering her. Which confused me even more. So I would barely speak back. And things would go cold between us until she approached me again and the process repeated. It was just highly odd and unusual that she was just smiling, staring at me, flirting and spilling her life to me the day before only to be cold the following day. Feeling her disinterest, and to keep it professional, I would just go back to focusing on my work. She works on the same floor as me but, her desk is across the room so we don't have to speak on a day to day basis. And as I've stated, she would just start back again, smiling at me in passing on the floor, in the hall, sitting next to me in group meetings, walking around my work station and asking for help for everything. Also, sometimes I'm the last one to leave the office as I'm still finishing up a few things for the day. And I've noticed that she does it at times too. Again, because I didn't know if she was simply being friendly before, I would stay behind and let her walk out alone to not make her feel that I was always trying to leave with her. But the past two weeks, she's either forgotten something and had to come back, or I'd let her leave and she's still in the hallway five minutes later when I'd come out or she'd stop to talk to a supervisor before leaving, which led to us leaving together and talking in the parking lot for 5-10 minutes before driving off to go home. In the past two weeks, the hot/cold behavior has went away. We've been talking more and more on a daily basis and she's found reasons to come find me or to be near me. Its fun getting to know her more and I like her obviously but, I can't tell if there's really anything there or if she's simply just being a girl who likes meeting people.

[Foxhall]

well it has got to the stage now you surely have to "satisfy your own curiosity"

 

ask her out for a drink after work some evening,

 

if she accepts great, if not it is no big deal.

 

a lot of ladies like to be asked anyway even if they are not interested

[preraph]

Remember that she is also capable of asking you for a drink herself, or to go to lunch with her.

 

I think separating yourself from the herd is a good idea, of course. I'm just not sure her behavior is flirtatious. Hard to say without being there. On paper, it sounds like work related and then also that she is chatty (like you said, she stops and chats to people all the time, those guys and then as she's leaving the building, can't get out the door.) I think wait a bit and see if she starts hinting at a coffee or lunch or anything.

[The Outlaw]

Asking her out is the most effective way to know with absolute certainty. But if she seems to be making excuses to come back to the office or stick around when she knows you'll be walking by, there's your cue. Go for it.

[alphamale]

most women make it pretty obvious if they are truly "interested". if you have to guess they are probably just being nice or friendly

[basil67]

What Alpha said. I'd assume she is naturally friendly.