Glovesoff Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 Hey guys, my ex has been seeing this guy since our seperation. She has since fallen pregnant to him. The Ex and I are still on talking terms. I was invited to dinner the other night at her house. She was looking after his daughter who was conceived because he cheated on HIS ex. I thought it was funny that His ex's car was at his house because she lives in a different town. When I told my ex that she was there she knew that His ex was down because he works on her car she did get a little paranoid and messaged him asking why she was still there. His response was that he was borrowing her car and that he was taking her back to her (his ex) house to fix the car(she has 2). After dinner and a coffee with the ex and the kids I decided it was time to come home. I got to go past the 3xs boyfriend's house to go back to mine. Both his and her cars were still there. He had told my ex x that he was dropping her bback in his car and fixing up her other at her house. I was only at dinner for an hour before I came home. For him to take his ex back to her house fix what was required on the car and come back would of been a minimum of 3 hours. ( his ex lives 60 kms away which is an hour round trip) I can see what's going on ( Well maybe). Do i tell her or do I keep it as ignorance is bliss for her.??? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 You need to limit contact. She cheats gets knocked up and you're trying to be Mr Nice Guy??? You are the one that's naive. Have you even seen an attorney yet? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 You need to limit contact. She cheats gets knocked up and you're trying to be Mr Nice Guy??? You are the one that's naive. Have you even seen an attorney yet? ^^^ this ^^^ You are far too involved in your ex's bizzzzzz. You are at your ex's doing nothing but having dinner, why do you assume he's with his ex doing her? Lordy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 hmmn, got a bit lost there with all these "ex's" buddy, Personally Id stay out of it , let her make her own mistakes, if you are genuinely still friends though, no harm to keep an eye on her I suppose, she may need the support at a later stage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I know you think you can handle being friends with her but you can't. She's too deep into your psyche. Limit all contact to essential services and work towards having no interest in her activities. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I also got a bit confused. However, I'm fairly confident that if you express concern, she'll ignore what you say and chalk it up to jealousy on your part. Best to stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Tell her what you think you know. She will shoot the messenger. You will have tried. Your conscious should be clear but then you need to walk away. Stop talking to her. Stop having dinner with her. Disconnect on social media from her. If you are so inclined say a prayer for her unborn child but walk way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 dude, no matter what you do you are screwed 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glovesoff Posted July 22, 2019 Author Share Posted July 22, 2019 You need to limit contact. She cheats gets knocked up and you're trying to be Mr Nice Guy??? You are the one that's naive. Have you even seen an attorney yet? You must be American hey.. seems like it as you think you know everything. In Australia things are a little different when it comes to family law. Mediation is underway and we have signed paperwork in relation to financial matters as we had already divided everything at the point of separation. Yeah definately American. Just because I have a heart doesn't make me naive. It makes me stronger than you will ever be. Hmm maybe you should do some research on issues with kids when you "limit contact" with your ex. Showing that we can still have a solid friendship will make things easier for the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glovesoff Posted July 22, 2019 Author Share Posted July 22, 2019 Tell her what you think you know. She will shoot the messenger. You will have tried. Your conscious should be clear but then you need to walk away. Stop talking to her. Stop having dinner with her. Disconnect on social media from her. If you are so inclined say a prayer for her unborn child but walk way. Here in Australia we have a thing called equal parental rights. (Unless great harm has come to the kids) it seems to me that you don't realise that from now on we are going to be in each other's lives anyway. School performances and graduations. School holidays when the kids start their own relationships. When the kids have their own kids so on and so forth. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Hmm maybe you should do some research on issues with kids when you "limit contact" with your ex. Showing that we can still have a solid friendship will make things easier for the kids. I do not believe you can be friends with an EX spouse who cheated on you in such a dramatic way. You can be civil & collaborative for the kids' sake. I absolutely believe you should do whatever you can so they don't see the seamier side of why you split. IMO opinion friendship like a marriage requires trust. I don't see how you can ever fully trust her again. Best wishes with the mediation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 I do not believe you can be friends with an EX spouse who cheated on you in such a dramatic way. He said she started seeing this guy after they separated. He didn't say she cheated, unless you're calling it cheating because they weren't fully divorced. He also didn't mention them having kids together initially, but seems like they do based on subsequent posts. I agree that he should be limiting interaction to the minimum necessary (for the kids), but apparently that's American know-it-all bunk. And, if he is determined to try and be 'friends' or whatever, interjecting himself into her new relationship is just trouble. She's pregnant with the guy's baby –– too late to do the white knight routine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 salparadise In his other thread the OP states his wife cheated. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/686224-heartbreak-kicked-he-teeth In this related thread he soft pedals the affair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 He didn't say she cheated OPs other thread. The wife cheated on me with a so called friend and she thought she was pregnant with his child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 I live in Australia and it is still considered strange. My ex had dinners with his ex wife and the man she cheated on him with. The ex W and OM are now a proper couple. The OM was also a family friend of both of them. To his own admission, finding out that they were cheating together was the most hurtful thing that ever happened to him. And now he is having dinners with them? It's weak and spineless in any culture. One of the reasons I dumped him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Kids or no kids there's no reason to be going round having 'dinners', that's just odd, and no I'm not from America. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 op, I applaud you for doing what you can to make a stable parenting relationship for your children. My question is whether or not this is the best way of doing so. You can still be strong and capable co-parents , but the "friendship"aspect may be best kept to minimum. Even parents who do their best to explain a situation like this can still have kids who are really confused about the situation and what it means. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Here in Australia we have a thing called equal parental rights. (Unless great harm has come to the kids) it seems to me that you don't realise that from now on we are going to be in each other's lives anyway. School performances and graduations. School holidays when the kids start their own relationships. When the kids have their own kids so on and so forth. I absolutely realize that good parents remain connected through their children for the rest of their lives. It doesn't matter whether you live in Australia, the US, Europe, Asia or on the moon. There are ways to be civil without having dinner & being continuously enmeshed in one another's lives. You are taking it too far. This woman cheated on you with one of you friends. She is having his baby. You are unwisely dating somebody else. You can't very well drag your new SOs on double dates with your EX. Having dinner with her & giving her dating advice is too much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 OP: nationality has nothing to do with it although thank you for disclosing your inherent bias against Americans. You are definitely getting too deep into this. She made her bed now she needs to sleep in it. And you need to stay out of her business. Also I don't buy the whole I just happened to drive by excuse. Quit stalking your ex. It's bad for your health. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Yeah definately American. Just because I have a heart doesn't make me naive. It makes me stronger than you will ever be. Hmm maybe you should do some research on issues with kids when you "limit contact" with your ex. Showing that we can still have a solid friendship will make things easier for the kids. Definition of friend = loyal, honest and trustworthy. You're just making excuses to be a doormat. Kids learn most from their parents. Guess what you're teaching them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 salparadise In his other thread the OP states his wife cheated. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/686224-heartbreak-kicked-he-teeth In this related thread he soft pedals the affair. Ah, thanks for the background info. I wasn't following that thread. Now it all just seems bizarre. The guy has no gonads, goes along playing nice guy like she's a precious little snowflake. Then hatefully blasts those trying to give him advice and insults Americans generally as having not having enough sense to tell him anything. Okay. Another one of those 'truth is stranger than fiction' scenarios. I'm American so I won't offer any more advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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