Juggernut23 Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Hey guys. Talking to this girl for a 3 months. We started hooking up/ hanging out daily a month ago. She spends about 4 nights of the week at my place. She has a bf of 6 years that she lives with in his dads basement. They sleep in the same bed when she’s there. Says there is zero emotion and she wants to leave him for me, that she wants to be with me. Every time I question what the status is, I get “he told me if I wanna break up with him just do it now, that I’m using him, that things are not the same”. She never flat out says I dumped him. The only issue is that she has nowhere to go if she leaves him, would be tough for her to get a place of her own (we live in a big city with pricey rent rates). We don’t wanna live together just yet, even though she’s almost always here, cause that would be jumping the Gun. Recently I blew up on her because she didn’t text me all night when she was with him. She goes “I was breaking up with my bf of 7 years, sorry I couldn’t get back to you”. Told her I needed space to process her spending nights in there and would like alone time, she flipped her **** on me. Then proceeded to ask if she can live with me because he doesn’t want her there if she doesn’t wanna be with him. I said yes, she’s been sleeping at my place since that convo (two nights ago) Some concerns: -she still wears his promise ring -still has in a relationship with him in fb/insta -says she’s depressed and upset about discussing her living situation because she got comfortable after being there for so long Thoughts? I’m pretty confident she’s into me. We legit spend all our time together, and she apparently says she won’t be sleeping there anymore
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 She is a total tool. If her relationship was that bad, she would have left a long long time ago. She is using you both. You should have some sympathy for her bf because you wouldn't want your gf cheating on you. If she cheats on him, she will cheat on you! I know someone who started talking to a girl who had a supposedly abusive bf. She ended up cheating on him as well. I don't believe people who cheat, no matter the reason. If I'm unhappy, I leave, I don't cheat on the person I am w/. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 You need higher standards, OP. This woman is not a good one. You will find this out the hard way if you insist on dating her. 3 1
chillii Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 So what, and you'd be interested in someone like that ? What does that tell you about her ? 1
Author Juggernut23 Posted July 22, 2019 Author Posted July 22, 2019 I get where you’re all coming from. Just to give you some background..she lives in his dads basement. Closest family lives 2 hours away, she has to live in or close to the city because that is where we work (both cops). Her options in terms of moving are limited. Prices for single bedroom condos are ridiculous and barely affordable for one person. I looked through her phone once, and read multiple messages of her asking friends if they need a roommate because she wants to move out. Also looked at her history, and saw a lot was condo rentals in our area. So I understand why she wouldn’t have left him even if she was unhappy. Not making excuses for her, but if she’s comfortable with limited options that story makes sense. My main concern is the ring she still wears and her relationship status on social media that she hasn’t changed.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 My main concern is the ring she still wears and her relationship status on social media that she hasn’t changed. You should be concerned. She is a cheater, OP. Sure, she might feel stuck in her current living situation. That doesn't explain why she lies and cheats. She had the choice not to cheat. She had the choice not to get involved with another guy until she had sorted out her accommodation and properly finished her relationship. You would be incredibly foolish to get involved with a woman who displays such utter disregard for relationships and appropriate boundaries. Proceed at your own risk here. 2
PegNosePete Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 There are a lot of people who can't afford to rent an apartment in the place where they live and work. You know what they do? They don't stay in a broken relationship, sponging off and using their alleged soon to be ex to live rent-free. They do the normal thing and get roommates. 1
schlumpy Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 She's just a cheater in training and if she does jump to you she will soon once again be practicing her craft. Never love her so much that you can't walk away. Best Wishes 1
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 She is not some poor waif that you need to save, she is a cop with a job and a brain I presume. Had he chucked her out she would have found somewhere to stay so DO NOT let her move into your place. Else in 6 months if it even takes her that long she will have monkey branched onto the next poor sucker with his own place or she will have gone back to her ex... You are the rebound and she is already grieving for her old life... No-one jumps unscathed from a six year relationship, you are a temporary fix, the convenient bridge she will use till she gets her life back together. Once sorted she will leave you in the dust, that is what tends to happen when you "save" someone. Your ego is flying high, she chose you over some "loser" in a basement, but getting involved with anyone who has unfinished business with their ex is always a risky strategy... and then there is the cheating... Be careful.
Flame Aura Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Crazy. OP sorry but you are being taken for a big mug. There's so much wrong with this woman. She needs to sort herself out as she is a complete mess. Stay away. 1
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Don't get sucked into that bs....she's using you and him. She will never leave him. She's rebounding off you as an escape from her current situation. Don't look at it as something more than that. If she even got with you, she would get bored of you and find someone else to play with. You are just her cuddly little toy.
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 If she was a quality person with any integrity she would be out of the other guy's bed & house before she started sleeping with you. What's she expecting to do, move in with you? You'd be nuts to let that happen. She is not a good reliable person. She's a user looking for somebody to support her. Remember, if they cheat with you they will cheat ON you. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 She sounds weak and uber-dependent. And she's a policer officer? Not to mention duplicitous. I have a feeling this won't go well for you. Not to mention it will be a pressure cooker in your place if she moves in. I'm quite concerned with the list of the 3 things you are "worried" about with her--as if the biggest ones has slipped your mind: she's a cheater; she does what she needs to, to get what she needs via using people not through her own true effort or sacrifice. That part will not change, I promise. The police officiers in my big city where is is not that affordable to them live farther away and make the drive. It works with the hours they work and surely she could get a room or place to live if she was willing to compromise, which she should. She is just jumping from one guy to another--do you really want to be this chump? 1
The Outlaw Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 I wouldn't put much stock in anything she says, because if she wanted to do it, she'd done it by now. And there are just too many red flags to just ignore. 1
Logo Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Like others have said she is using you both. If her moral compass is so off there is no doubt she will do to you what she is doing to him. Are you sure there isn't a third guy somewhere in all this?
kendahke Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 I wouldn't do it. In a minute, you're going to be her "soon 2 b ex" and she's going to be running to some other guy looking to shack up with 2-3 day/week because she doesn't have her stuff together enough to have her own place and not be at the mercy of some guy for a place to lay her head. What she is doing is called "monkeybranching".
Beendaredonedat Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 (edited) Thoughts? I’m pretty confident she’s into me. ... and I'm pretty confident that she will do to you what she did to her boyfriend. *Looks in crystal ball* She's a mess with no means of supporting herself and will monkey branch from one guy to another the minute another starts to show her attention and the excitement of 'strange.' Good luck, we'll be here when you need to vent. BTW: Op, you might want to impose stricter personal boundaries on yourself so you avoid this jealousy you feel for her ex by NOT pursuing chicas who are already in a relationship. Edited July 22, 2019 by Beendaredonedat
Woggle Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Later on down the road she will leave you for somebody else.
rainbow12 Posted July 22, 2019 Posted July 22, 2019 Is she even a cop? it makes me wonder. If you don't love someone anymore and you met someone else whom you like, you would end the relationship straight away not wait a while for her to break it off with him. She should get her own condo or room mates. The thing that makes me think she's using you is that she is telling you that she is looking for condos and apartments but they are expensive on the other side so that makes me think she's only dumping her bf so she could find somewhere better to live in that's your place. You need to lighten the load for yourself and don't offer anyone free rent all because you have a liking towards that person.
OnlyHonesty Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 The other guy is you, and you are the other guy.... 1
emeraldgreen Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 Pump and dump. She's manipulating the two of you.
OatsAndHall Posted July 23, 2019 Posted July 23, 2019 She cheated on her boyfriend of six+ years, my friend. She will do the exact same thing to you. Her financial and living situation are inconsequential; she's not one to be trusted.
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