catherine1 Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 (edited) Hi, So I have this friend of 10 years, she has always been there to talk to and be a source of support during difficult times, as I have with her. I consider her one of my closest and trusted friends. The thing is, trying to meet up with her is becoming ever harder. If we arrange to see each other, she’ll say “oh Sarah* is coming down that day, so you can come then” *sarah, being her sister, who I also know well. She done it again this week, and said we can go out when she would already be out with her other sister from out of town. It just seems to me that she doesn’t want to go out of her way, and wants to meet up when it’s convenient to her. I would like to spend some time just me and her to chat like we used to. She has always been a little self-centred, it just feels like she is putting no effort into the friendship. I feel like backing off, as much as I love my friend, I feel she is taking me and my efforts to see her for granted. Any advice on how to go about this issue? Thank you Edited July 23, 2019 by catherine1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I would like to spend some time just me and her to chat like we used to. She has always been a little self-centred, it just feels like she is putting no effort into the friendship. Can't you just talk to her and tell her that you want to spend alone time with her to chat? Is there something specific you need to discuss with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine1 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 Nothing I want to talk about specifically, it’s just the fact that there seems to be excuses (laziness) about meeting up. “I can’t eat take out as I’ve already ate it twice this week” I suggest we do something else, and she comes up with no other suggestion. It’s just the excuses when it’s not at her convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Its a pity friendships seem to go down the priority list as peoples lifes evolve, I think its still better to try to keep them going though, perhaps you are not as big of a priority but she is still reaching out offering you a chance to meet up, sometimes you just have to accept whats on offer and be grateful for that, you could meet up this time with the two of them and quietly suggest that just the two of you meet up some other time to catch up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 She's drifting away from you. It's possible she may drift back or ten years from now you will get a remorseful phone call from her wanting to re-establish the connection that you value. For the moment, something else in her life is taking priority. I agree that you should just put the friendship on autopilot. Make yourself available but don't initiate. It could be that she still wants to see you but not as often as you would like. Use the extra time to read some books you always wanted to read but could never devote the time to. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine1 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 Thank you, it would be a real shame as I thought she would value our friendship more than that Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Does she have a husband and kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine1 Posted July 23, 2019 Author Share Posted July 23, 2019 No she has no kids, a long term boyfriend who she’s lives with and a full time job Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 tell her that while you enjoy Sarah's company you miss the one on one time you two used to enjoy together. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Weird that she wants you to come only when the sister is there. Maybe she likes a buffer or something. I have a friend that it's the opposite. She will drop you like like a hot potato if either her sister or her grown daughter shows up at the last minute. I tried to see if I could integrate myself in with her sister at least because why not, and suggested we drive to her town and invite her to go to the museum and out to eat with us, which we did, but it didn't help any. She still excludes me. I don't mind that so much anymore since it sounds like it's her sister's way or the highway when she's here anyway and they do some things for old time's sake I wouldn't enjoy (like go to the Burlington Coat Factory clear across town because they grew up near there). So I wish I had answers for you, but some people just don't care enough about you to be considerate. Now this same friend (we are in our 60s) also took on a boyfriend, a guy she's known forever, and so I fell completely off her radar. I'd love to know what the order of priority is now, whether it's still daughter, sister, bf or if she's put him first (he's pushy so she probably would have trouble getting him to hang back). I know he's incorporated into their family some at least, which she seems happy about, so I just don't see why she was exclusionary with friends about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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