How to succeed on Tinder

[ZA Dater]

But, I think we should appreciate him stepping out of his comfort zone and trying something new to see how it goes even if it's not the easiest thing for him. Here he is taking the action to break his habits that people (me, at least) suggest. I'd encourage him to keep going forward from here rather than take a step back to where he came.

 

Buy the premium version. Make sure your pictures are good. Boost yourself when most women are at home, doing nothing (8-11 pm Monday-Thursday). That will get you in front of the most eyes.

 

I have put a whole different set of pictures but the issue is they are solo pictures, I don't really have pictures with me and other people. In part I think my lack of success with Tinder is picture related and maybe bio, what should one say in the bio?

 

The difference is this time I am not going to take Tinder that seriously, in the past boosting mostly got me matches I didn't want, some changes I made last week gave me a bit more inner peace about being alone and single.

 

To be fair, all I really want is a decent date for the black tie dinner I am hosting. That's all I really want out of Tinder this time.

 

Maybe the issue with me and Tinder is the way I look at it, I just assume everyone wants to date, maybe that's not true? My views are perhaps wrong so when I go on dates my objective is date 2, maybe that's wrong too?

 

 

That's probably the biggest issue I don't really know how to market and even less what to do on dates.

[jspice]

If you really just want a date for dinner, then hire someone. Seriously.

A professional escort. Or look on a sugar baby site. You want to impress these people and she should fit in well, know which fork to use, etc.

 

Finding this on Tinder is possible but will likely be a long process. And you still don’t know if she can hold her own.

 

If you insist on using Tinder, your bio should be specific.

I’m looking for someone educated, interested in xyz and who knows the difference between the dinner and dessert forks.

Not looking for a relationship or dates right now, but I’d love to have someone who wants to join me at some social events and who knows my secret signal for “help! I’ve looked at her grandkids’ pictures for the last 20 minutes! Save me!”

In return you get some witty banter, a decadent meal and to meet some of the” coolest/ smartest/ whatever” people I know.

Hopefully we won’t have a repeat performance off our last dinner where i sheepishly had to retrieve one of my snails that went flying across the room!

Etc.

 

This is obviously not a great effort - I just woke up- but my point is be upfront. That takes the pressure off you trying to impress her in a romantic way. You both know the deal. Don’t think about what will “wow” you.

 

This is purely to find an escort for an event. She knows the deal. You know the deal. Lay your cards on the table and none of this “I don’t know how to date’ nonsense.

[ZA Dater]

If you really just want a date for dinner, then hire someone. Seriously.

A professional escort.

 

Finding this on Tinder is possible but will likely be a long process. And you still don’t know if she can hold her own.

 

Because doing that would be too easy and besides when I researched that idea there was nobody who has any sort of appeal.

 

Tinder is a considerable challenge, tried new pictures but they didn't really seem to work either or not yet. I seem to get very specific matches so I want to try and change that because the matches I get are completely unsuitable, not only as a dinner date but also as people to date.

 

I have what I have in terms of looks which is suffice to say is skinny and hardly the built gym look, I don't want to look like that truth be told. But somewhere along the line I need to think what women actually want and whether if doing one thing would get me better luck, hence I have become more built, with the same level of mediocre success.

 

Look I am being realistic here, just trying to work out better odds, heck if I can go on a date with one attractive person to me its a win.

[jspice]

So are you just going to completely disregard the fact that I wrote out some stuff you could put in n your tinder profile?

 

You said you want someone who you can take to this dinner. you're not going to hire an escort on tinder but you’re going to try to find someone who will already know what she’s in for and can ESCORT you. Wouldn’t you rather say, hey this is what I need, Do you have what I need? This is what you’re in for. It’ll be fun.

 

You might get luck. Who knows?

 

Why not just try it? Write out a bio and post it here changing some private details of course. You have to make it sounds light and fun. Not so intense.

[Cersei]

If you really just want a date for dinner, then hire someone. Seriously.

A professional escort. Or look on a sugar baby site. You want to impress these people and she should fit in well, know which fork to use, etc.

 

Finding this on Tinder is possible but will likely be a long process. And you still don’t know if she can hold her own.

 

If you insist on using Tinder, your bio should be specific.

I’m looking for someone educated, interested in xyz and who knows the difference between the dinner and dessert forks.

Not looking for a relationship or dates right now, but I’d love to have someone who wants to join me at some social events and who knows my secret signal for “help! I’ve looked at her grandkids’ pictures for the last 20 minutes! Save me!”

In return you get some witty banter, a decadent meal and to meet some of the” coolest/ smartest/ whatever” people I know.

Hopefully we won’t have a repeat performance off our last dinner where i sheepishly had to retrieve one of my snails that went flying across the room!

Etc.

 

This is obviously not a great effort - I just woke up- but my point is be upfront. That takes the pressure off you trying to impress her in a romantic way. You both know the deal. Don’t think about what will “wow” you.

 

This is purely to find an escort for an event. She knows the deal. You know the deal. Lay your cards on the table and none of this “I don’t know how to date’ nonsense.

 

Hell I would scoop up that "date" in a heartheart beat! Sounds like a fun guy. And hey who doesn't like a nice meal?

 

ZA try it!

[jspice]

That’s what I’m saying! ?

I’d go out with that guy.

[chillii]

Thoughts. firstly , taking someone you don't even know toa dinner your hosting could get weird. You won't even know each other or if you even get along in any way especially in a sitch like that.Could well end up a long tense night.

ls there someone you know , like say yoga, you were comfortable with her from memory, if she's not seeing anyone atm she might love a nice free meal.

 

The other thing l'm thinking , if that's your main date site , then you've met some great ladies lately, so you are meeting your thing on it and they are around.

When l was on a date site there is a patience thing involved , biding time until hopefully the right person comes along and you've gotten very close , it just hasn't gone anywhere.

So whatever you've been doing on it has brought out some damn nice women lately right, could be just a time thing za , it's been working.l would've been more than happy with the type and amount of women you've been meeting, in time who knows who will show up in the future.

Not that there's anything wrong with revamp l guess.

Edited July 28, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

To make a picture work, you need good fashion taste. Do you wear glasses? If so, make sure the style is current. When's the last time you got your hair re-styled? And do you use product in your hair?

 

Also, perhaps one of the pictures could show you doing something interesting.

[mr_ybor]

To make a picture work, you need good fashion taste. Do you wear glasses? If so, make sure the style is current. When's the last time you got your hair re-styled? And do you use product in your hair?

 

Also, perhaps one of the pictures could show you doing something interesting.

 

What's your pic look like?

[ZA Dater]

Also, perhaps one of the pictures could show you doing something interesting.

 

My hair style is very much Leo in Woolf of Wall Street.

 

I do always try make the pictures interesting, for example one is in car me driving a Ferrari around the race track. Another is me at a charity event and yes there are some infamous mirror type pictures...

Edited July 29, 2019 by ZA Dater

[mr_ybor]

I do always try make the pictures interesting, for example one is in car me driving a Ferrari around the race track. Another is me at a charity event and yes there are some infamous mirror type pictures...

 

I've got a great pic of me sport sailing. One of me playing guitar too. Women don't give a **** about this stuff.

[ZA Dater]

Why not just try it? Write out a bio and post it here changing some private details of course. You have to make it sounds light and fun. Not so intense.

 

 

 

I'll try it...the last part is going to be difficult though.

[ZA Dater]

like say yoga, you were comfortable with her from memory, if she's not seeing anyone atm she might love a nice free meal.

 

Yoga girl would have been good for this, alas she lives 1000 miles away.

 

The significant pitfall of this plan is as someone said, I probably wont have much chance to meet the person before the dinner which makes the entire thing very risky, not sure I like those odds.

 

Nevertheless I might as well try.

 

The analytical part of me thinks I should just go alone, its not like anyone is expecting me to have a date anyway and K is there so in some respects I do have a date, albeit one working as part of the event.

 

I am going to see what sort of pictures I can find of myself, granted pictures aren't really my thing and seldom do I feel like I really look good in any of them, probably because I don't smile that much or I look awkward.

Edited July 29, 2019 by ZA Dater

[elaine567]

Maybe you need to take the pressure off and go alone to this dinner, but make it your goal to cultivate a regular partner for subsequent events.

So when you have another important event you can call on her.

You will already know her so no weirdness, no letting you down at dinner(drunk, antisocial, boring, poor table manners etc.) and no, heaven forbid! - stomping off...

[ZA Dater]

Maybe you need to take the pressure off and go alone to this dinner, but make it your goal to cultivate a regular partner for subsequent events.

So when you have another important event you can call on her.

 

I have been trying to do exactly that for years, what the forum doesn't know is I have tried almost all variations of what to look for, friends, dates, fwb, so its not like I have only been looking at one specific thing.

 

What I don't know is how important a Bio is on Tinder, does anyone actually read them?

 

Fortunately I don't have too many of these dinners, maybe 3-4 a year. In most respects K works well enough for these dinners BUT, just feel like something different.

 

The only negative with going alone is I am arranging this dinner so it doesn't really look fantastic to go alone but it is what it is, the reality is people have far greater issues than going to a dinner on their own.

[littleblackheart]

I do always try make the pictures interesting, for example one is in car me driving a Ferrari around the race track. Another is me at a charity event and yes there are some infamous mirror type pictures...

 

I asked one of my sisters (your ideal demographic - wordly, well travelled, very attractive, great job, solvent, introverted, never married, no kids) what she would make of Ferrari and mirror type pics on Tinder: she said instant turn-off, clearly showcasing wealth and shallow stuff (charity events are neither here nor there, apparently).

 

That does not portray you as a down to earth, humble, laid back guy, tbh.

 

For what you're looking for just now (a one-off date, seemingly), that probably is fine, though?

 

Is Tinder a popular app in South Africa?

Edited July 29, 2019 by littleblackheart

[LauraXX]

I asked one of my sisters (your ideal demographic - wordly, well travelled, very attractive, great job, solvent, introverted, never married, no kids) what she would make of Ferrari and mirror type pics on Tinder: she said instant turn-off, clearly showcasing wealth and shallow stuff (charity events are neither here nor there

 

I typed the exact same reply a little earlier and then deleted it because I didn’t want to offend any Ferrari lovers ? But, yeah, completely agree. A picture with a flashy car would be a complete no-go for me. I‘m sure that there are women who are totally into these things, but you complained about superficial women and shallow conversations before, so maybe your pictures impress the wrong kind of people.

[ZA Dater]

I asked one of my sisters (your ideal demographic - wordly, well travelled, very attractive, great job, solvent, introverted, never married, no kids) what she would make of Ferrari and mirror type pics on Tinder: she said instant turn-off, clearly showcasing wealth and shallow stuff (charity events are neither here nor there, apparently).

 

 

Very interesting post, thanks for sharing (thank your sister from the no name guy in SA)! So my question then is what type of pictures should I post? Never said I was laid back

 

Tinder is by far the most popular app in SA, the others don't really have much of a following at all. Tinder is the one most people actually own up to being on, even though its still sort of shunned.

 

Really wondering what sort of picture I should post, I don't have any with people and most of the ones I have could be construed as being the same.

 

I'll have a go at writing a bio and see what the consensus here is. As ever I have no idea how women think so I pretty much go about dating with no real idea of what I should be doing.

[littleblackheart]

She says you're welcome (she's literally just next to me looking at pics of guys on her app - not Tinder though).

 

What she likes to see = engaging smile, kind eyes, no ostentatiousness or pretence, just a few normal headshots / full shots under various angles acting as natural as possible (kind of 'caught in the moment' as she says, ie not contrived).

[Normm]

As ever I have no idea how women think so I pretty much go about dating with no real idea of what I should be doing.

 

 

A winning strategy.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Hell if I could ever find out.

 

I've tried a number of different pics and bios. Tried to look my best, engaged in cool hobbies, tried being humorous, tried being honest about what I was looking for. You name it. I've probably tried it.

 

Been on-and-off it three or four times over the last 6+ years or so. Throw Bumble and Hinge in there as well.

 

Tried the FWB angle when I was just completely exhausted with trying to find a woman who was looking for something more serious. No goddamn clue what women want anymore. It ain't me, that's obvious.

 

Women are just as frustrated, believe me.

[ZA Dater]

An update on this.

 

I used a bio roughly similar to the one suggested here and I used some different pictures, natural, me standing pictures, two of which were taken without me knowing.

 

Yet I get the same people matching me as I always do. The same people who do not interest me. I am at a loss really I am. Yes, I don't take this too personally but it is irritating to not get one match with someone I find attractive. And NO I am not being incredibly picky, the only criteria really is someone in shape/to slightly curvy and a pretty face.

 

What I have got using this bio is a lot of people looking for hand outs and sugar baby type arrangements which would be a consideration if they were actually an attractive to me to begin with.

 

Perhaps Tinder is contrived, perhaps it just matches me to the same people, only perhaps shows me to them, perhaps the people I like don't actually get shown my profile?

 

Again I don't take this too seriously, I can come home and get lost in spread sheets and forecasts. To some degree I have accepted this life because we only have one life and if this is the best I can do dating then I need to just enjoy each day for other reasons and not feel bad about never getting what others have found at least once by the age of 35.

 

I'll put some other pictures up again and rework the bio but I am going with what Elaine said and simply going alone, I'll live with the teasing and questions.

 

There is only one life and sure we can and should always try to improve our circumstances but I think I need to concede defeat when it comes to dating. I'll keep reading, keep trying but my expectation will be very close to zero and I wont be going out to sell myself like a salesman sells a car.

 

I'll have to find wow somewhere else seemingly.

[BaileyB]

I'll have to find wow somewhere else seemingly.

 

Seemingly.

 

Indeed, women are just as frustrated by the online dating experience. I can’t tell you how many men I went out with who turned me down because I didn’t “wow” them. I also don’t know how many men I turned down because they didn’t have the social skills to actually be on a date.

 

Live your life. That’s all you can do.

[chillii]

That's what l always tell the guys having trouble and to just read around LS.. Doesn't matter how many emails he or she gets at the end of the day it's still gotta come down to reality and in person sooner or later and that's where it all evens out again and seems just as frustrating for everyone.

Never try to sell yourself za, Not only would that be very obvious be a turn off and come across desperate , but it's just not the way to go about things.

Anyway , it's only a date app, there's also life and many other ways people meet.

Besides, why does it matter what they so called match you with that's probably only the app doing the matching, a computer, can't you just look through and choose for yourself on that thing.

 

You've found some nice women on it lately just bide your time until the next one comes around they aren't gonna be an everyday thing, takes time.

[basil67]

Forgive my ignorance, but how does Tinder know to recalibrate matches after a user has updated their bio and pictures?

 

And given your new, broader criteria from a potential date, it sounds like you've opened your criteria to include single mums. Good for you.