how would you rate chemistry/attraction at the beginning

[Curiousroxy86]

if you are married or in a relationship how would you rate the attraction/chemistry you felt towards your partner at the beginning when you met them on a scale of 1-10 and why?

 

also how long have you been in a relationship/married?

 

curious minds want to know. thank you in advance.

[Kitty Tantrum]

When my fiance and I were first introduced, on a scale of 1-10, I'd probably say 3.

 

Coming up on 4 years since we met, and we've been "together" for close to three. And NOW my heart starts pounding when I stare at him for a while, or whenever he takes his shirt off.

 

Most of that is ME. I am not an immediate-attraction sort of gal. Guys On The Internet really like to talk about how ANY WOMAN would bang Brad Pitt in a heartbeat if he showed up at her door. I don't know why so many supposedly straight men have such a boner for Brad Pitt, but let me tell you that NUH UH, NO I WOULD NOT. Or anyone who is ACTUALLY nice to look at, for that matter - unlike Brad Pitt (seriously, I don't understand what the deal is with everyone, especially men, thinking he's hot - he's improved with age, I guess, but I look at his face and I'm reminded of the dead rodents my cat likes to leave on the porch). When the ex(es) and I were swinging, I learned pretty quickly that it didn't really matter what the guys looked like or how they presented at-a-glance. I might think "wow, he could be a model" - but never "ooh, I want some of that." I just don't have that sort of immediate-attraction response. It's just not there. People I've only just met are never sexually interesting to me. Period.

[major_merrick]

At the beginning of my friendship with my husband, my attraction to him was a 1. I mean, we were kids. And I was stressed out and starving. We didn't get into a relationship until we were teenagers, and even at that point my physical attraction to him was pretty low. I prefer women.

 

Time has changed that, but in my relationship with my husband it is more about the bond we have rather than "OMG you are so hot." I'm more into his personality/attitude than his appearance, although he is very good at sex and knows exactly what to do to make me very happy. We've been married about 19 months, but we've known each other almost 20 years. Now we've got three kids together, so we'll see how life goes.

 

With my GFs, they were 10's at the very beginning and still are. Hot, hot I'm finding them more attractive as time goes on. I guess the takeaway is that your perception can either change or stay the same... No real pattern or rule.

[d0nnivain]

11+ Seriously my husband is gorgeous. Lucky me!

 

We will be married 11 years in the Fall, together 13. Next Monday is actually the anniversary of our 1st date.

 

Every man I have ever had a LTR with caused my heart to go pitter pat the second I laid eyes on him. I learned that attraction doesn't grow over time for me. It's either there from the outset or it never materializes. Lust & love are different. The lust can fade as quickly as it started if the guy is dreadful. My love has grown over time. Heck, I fell in love with my husband all over again yesterday when he took care of me after a minor out-patient medical procedure.

[mark clemson]

When I first saw her in a class probably a 4. She came across as a bit mousy. However when she dressed up and got a bit tipsy for a basketball game a different side of her came out that was more compelling.

[spiritedaway2003]

11+ Seriously my husband is gorgeous. Lucky me!

 

We will be married 11 years in the Fall, together 13. Next Monday is actually the anniversary of our 1st date.

/QUOTE]

 

I love reading things like this. Happy anniversary to you both!

[basil67]

At first glance, nada. But by the end of the night, the interpersonal connection had built and we shagged all night. And all the next day. And I couldn't keep my hands off him.

 

We're coming up to 27 years together.

 

I will echo what Kitty wrote about attraction. It's not about god given looks, it's about connection. And I also don't know why Guys On The Internet say that I'd date Brad Pitt or George Clooney or some hot dude who asked me out. Doesn't matter what you look like, it will be a "no" unless a connection has been built. Truth be told, a really hot guy will have to work even harder to get though because (rightly or wrongly) at first glance, I'll peg him as being up himself.

[Curiousroxy86]

unlike Brad Pitt (seriously, I don't understand what the deal is with everyone, especially men, thinking he's hot - he's improved with age, I guess, but I look at his face and I'm reminded of the dead rodents my cat likes to leave on the porch).

 

Lol I don’t think he is ugly but he does favor a mouse

[Curiousroxy86]

but in my relationship with my husband it is more about the bond we have rather than "OMG you are so hot." I'm more into his personality/attitude than his appearance, although he is very good at sex and knows exactly what to do to make me very happy.

 

You still don’t find your husband physically attractive as far as looks?

[Kitty Tantrum]

Truth be told, a really hot guy will have to work even harder to get though because (rightly or wrongly) at first glance, I'll peg him as being up himself.

 

Hahaha, exactly. I felt that way about my last boyfriend initially. ALL my friends thought he was gorgeous. Borderline too-pretty-for-me (and way prettier than Brad Pitt). If he hadn't been REALLY into me, it never would have happened. And he WAS kinda cocky. But I guess he also kinda deserved to be; he fulfilled most if not all of the requirements all those picky women on Tinder put in their profiles (tall, handsome, athletic, good career... in other words, all the superficial things that I don't really care about).

 

With my fiance, it's not even as much about how he LOOKS (although he IS sexy and I DO get turned on looking at him) as it is about all the other things - his temperament and the way he carries himself, and the fact that he always opens doors for me, the way he touches me (not just sexually, but tenderly), the anticipation of hearing his deep sexy voice growl something in my ear... you don't all of that from a glance.

 

Actually the first time I realized I was attracted to him, he wasn't even in my line of sight. I was upstairs in my room (we were housemates), and I heard him come home and he was talking to some of the other housemates in the kitchen, and it was his VOICE that made me go "Ohhh... hmmmm."

[Curiousroxy86]

11+ Seriously my husband is gorgeous. Lucky me!

 

We will be married 11 years in the Fall, together 13. Next Monday is actually the anniversary of our 1st date.

 

Every man I have ever had a LTR with caused my heart to go pitter pat the second I laid eyes on him. I learned that attraction doesn't grow over time for me. It's either there from the outset or it never materializes. Lust & love are different. The lust can fade as quickly as it started if the guy is dreadful. My love has grown over time. Heck, I fell in love with my husband all over again yesterday when he took care of me after a minor out-patient medical procedure.

 

Awww happy anniversary donni

 

Yea right now I don’t see myself overlooking attraction when it comes to dating. It has to be there for me too. I have tried before to focus on qualities outside of attraction but I realize I just can’t interact without it or atleast interact romantically in a way that would be fair and enjoyable for the guy as well as for me lol.

[Curiousroxy86]

When I first saw her in a class probably a 4. She came across as a bit mousy. However when she dressed up and got a bit tipsy for a basketball game a different side of her came out that was more compelling.

 

And by then from a 4 to a what?

[Curiousroxy86]

At first glance, nada. But by the end of the night, the interpersonal connection had built and we shagged all night. And all the next day. And I couldn't keep my hands off him.

 

We're coming up to 27 years together.

 

I will echo what Kitty wrote about attraction. It's not about god given looks, it's about connection. And I also don't know why Guys On The Internet say that I'd date Brad Pitt or George Clooney or some hot dude who asked me out. Doesn't matter what you look like, it will be a "no" unless a connection has been built. Truth be told, a really hot guy will have to work even harder to get though because (rightly or wrongly) at first glance, I'll peg him as being up himself.

 

There has been guys I seen on tv that at first I think “he is not cute” and then by a few episodes I am like “he is soooo fine” lol. So I imagine that could happen. I try to give a guy who I seem to click a max 3 dates to see if my attraction can grow. But if it’s a no go I let it go. But I can’t see zero to 100 lol. There has to be some sort of “he is not ugly but not cute” for me to want to continue to date. If he is a zero I don’t think I would give it a chance.

[Curiousroxy86]

 

Actually the first time I realized I was attracted to him, he wasn't even in my line of sight. I was upstairs in my room (we were housemates), and I heard him come home and he was talking to some of the other housemates in the kitchen, and it was his VOICE that made me go "Ohhh... hmmmm."

 

Lol kinda the opposite for me. there was a guy recently I have been on few dates with and I love his voice and I get so turned on hearing him speak plus he has a good head on his shoulders which another reason I find conversing with him very attractive. but when I saw him each time I felt a bit let down every time and forgot I was not physically attracted every time we met up. Ugh

[basil67]

Roxy, I really can't relate as I don't place any priority on god given looks. My attraction is cerebral. I'm watching re-runs of ER at present and find both Goran Visnjic and Noah Wyle damn attractive, but that attractiveness doesn't make me want to date them or have sex with them.

 

I once met a guy who had a facial abnormality. He was great to talk with and had I been single, I would have dated him.

[Springsummer]

Interesting topic....so all those guys I am not attracted to when looking at them, I might end up attracted to them after giving them some times?'

 

still doubt....can't even try

[Curiousroxy86]

Yea basil good looks alone doesnt necessarily mean I want to date the guy. There has to be other factors as well. Many a guy I have been turned off completely once he shown unattractive behavior or has said very ignorant things. But I also can’t see myself dating a guy I find to be hideous either. If I look at him and literally don’t want to/can’t bring myself to kiss him then I don’t think I could date him.

[alphamale]

I don't meet the requirements so I cannot reply

[Curiousroxy86]

Technically I don’t either alpha lol. Say what’s on your mind as long as it’s on topic

[alphamale]

Technically I don’t either alpha lol. Say what’s on your mind as long as it’s on topic

 

 

I was married for 4 years. At the beginning of the marriage my attraction/chemistry level was a 9, at the end of the marriage my attraction/chemistry level was a -2

[Kitty Tantrum]

Interesting topic....so all those guys I am not attracted to when looking at them, I might end up attracted to them after giving them some times?'

 

Maybe, but maybe not. If you're CAPABLE of feeling that sort of attraction right off the bat, I'm inclined to think that would be less likely for you than me - whereas I NEVER experience attraction immediately. Ever. If they couldn't grow on me, I'd be hopeless.

 

But all the guys I've been in relationships with have been pretty objectively physically attractive. So I could potentially be even more shallow than the next gal, I guess - and just be evaluating criteria in a different order, so it LOOKS like I care less about appearance.

[Springsummer]

Maybe, but maybe not. If you're CAPABLE of feeling that sort of attraction right off the bat, I'm inclined to think that would be less likely for you than me - whereas I NEVER experience attraction immediately. Ever. If they couldn't grow on me, I'd be hopeless.

 

But all the guys I've been in relationships with have been pretty objectively physically attractive. So I could potentially be even more shallow than the next gal, I guess - and just be evaluating criteria in a different order, so it LOOKS like I care less about appearance.

 

I guess people are different then.

 

I rarely feel attracted to someone. but a few times in my life I have felt immediate attraction.

 

I think attraction is an immediate thing for me.

[basil67]

If I look at him and literally don’t want to/can’t bring myself to kiss him then I don’t think I could date him.

 

I kiss the person, not the looks.

[Springsummer]

 

I was married for 4 years. At the beginning of the marriage my attraction/chemistry level was a 9, at the end of the marriage my attraction/chemistry level was a -2

 

oh, goodness...so attraction in the beginning is not reliable? um...scare me...I am doomed...nothing seems to work.

[basil67]

oh, goodness...so attraction in the beginning is not reliable? um...scare me...I am doomed...nothing seems to work.

 

Nope, not reliable at all. I was attracted to my first husband when we met and married. By the time I left, I'd rather have stuck pins in my eyes than have sex with him.