northnjguy Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Went to a restaurant with my wife and 3 other couples. One of my wife's ex-boyfriends waked in (from over 20 years ago). He recognized her, but she didn't recognize him since he put on a ton of weight. They talked a little bit, no big deal. At our table I was to the right of my wife and two other women were to the left. I was talking to the other men. The women started to whisper and I could hear they were talking about my wife's ex-boyfriends penis. I had to leave dinner early. When I was leaving I leaned over to my wife and quietly said it is really not appropriate to talk about you ex-boyfriends penis when your husband is sitting right next to you. She was shocked that I heard. Then she texted me that mine was better and she was sorry. I said I am not mad, but it is just not cool. Later at home I also asked her why would she think it was appropriate to talk about this with me sitting right next to her. She then said she was sorry again. I also said I assume you were trying to be nice, but I really don't want to hear about a comparison of my penis to your ex-boyfriends. She said she wouldn't do it again. I know there was no intent to be mean or hurt me. But, she did. Am I wrong for being pissed off about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 You are entitled to your feelings but there is no point holding onto them. She's apologized and she really didn't mean for you to hear. As Trump would say: "It was just locker room talk" She's sorry, let it go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 The women started to whisper and I could hear they were talking about my wife's ex-boyfriends penis. What in the world were these women doing, talking about a man’s PENiS, in a restaurant at a public gathering. Never in my life, have I compared penises with my girlfriends, or my partner for that matter. In all seriousness, you both need to make a list of other topics for conversations... why the focus on penises, it comes up far too often... Surely there is something else that you can find to discuss - like the state of the Ebola epidemic in Africa, or the upcoming election in the US, or the weather... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 You told her you're not mad. But you're here asking if you're wrong for being pissed off. Why did you lie to your wife about not being mad? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I went out to a local Mexican restaurant with my fiance a couple weeks ago. There was a pretty girl lovely lady dumb broad in a party of six seated across from us, talking about inappropriate things in a not-inaudible tone. I leaned over and rested my chin on my hand and STARED at her. She noticed me staring and got all uncomfortable and "whispered" something to the person next to her about someone staring at her, and then she got up and left. The rest of the party followed shortly thereafter. They were mostly done with their meal, so I don't even feel a LITTLE BIT bad about it. Whatever happened to the concept of appropriate dinner table conversation? Especially in restaurants. I'd cut some slack if it were a bar and 21+, but most restaurants are supposed to be "family friendly." The thing about most restaurants (at least the ones I've been to) is that if you're talking loudly enough for the person right next to you or across from you to hear you - the kids at the next table can probably hear you too. And I absolutely agree that this was disrespectful of you as well. I could go either way on the coed sauna thing, but I'm with you on this one. But also agree that "mad" and "pissed" are pretty much the same thing, so you should be honest with your wife about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 The good thing is if she was talking about his penis, it was probably to make fun of it with the other women, rather than to be gushing about it. Which means she has no feelings for him and no regrets. It does seem like they would have been a little more discreet since you were sitting right there. Is it because you all were drinking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 Am I wrong for being pissed off about this? Kind of. She meant to say it's wrong to gossip about other men period whether or not the husband is present. It just came out wrong. She took some corrective steps, texting you & apologizing. So yes, you are wrong for continuing to be Pissed. Pissed is an intense emotional reaction. You can be hurt. You can be upset. Just don't go overboard for one mis-statement that was immediately followed with an apology. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 I wouldn’t think we would need a list of acceptable topics to talk about at dinner. I guess I might be wrong. But, I am pretty sure that most women should know that is is really not cool to talk about you ex-boyfriend’s penis with your girlfriends when your husband is sitting right next to you. Yes, they were whispering, but I could hear it. Just common sense and a true lack of respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 You are still smarting over the naked sauna thing. Her conversation & phrasing weren't good but alone or even combined with the sauna thing you are picking fights. I you itching to get a divorce or something? You & your wife really need to have a serious conversation about boundaries & soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 You are still smarting over the naked sauna thing. You & your wife really need to have a serious conversation about boundaries & soon. This. It’s good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 Then she texted me that mine was better and she was sorry. I have NO idea what the 'naked sauna thing' is so my reply is based solely on the OP's posts in this thread. The guy may be fat, but he's obviously hung. Hung enough that these hens had to have a little confab about it, right in front of you. That ridiculous platitude your wife texted you about yours being 'better' than his was such a freakin' cliche and so damned childish. If it's so much better, then I would imagine she probably had a whispering confab with her cronies about YOUR "better" penis too, right? Ask her exactly WHICH group dinner it was when they discussed your super penis. I think her behavior was INCREDIBLY crass and disrespectful. If they HAD to talk about it, she should have had the ladies go into the ladies room like most of us ladies do when we need to say something we don't want you to hear. Tactless, disrespectful, ignorant. That describes your wife AND her behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 Do you not know this woman? Seems to me you are demanding "respect" from her when she seems to be pretty free with her ideas and actions. She is an adult, you do not get to control her, surely you knew what she was like before you married her? Maybe the bfs penis(big or small or weird maybe) was an old joke between her friends so it probably has little to do with you. Relax. Paranoia will annoy her and may indeed send her into the arms of another man... One day you may wish all she did was go into a mixed sauna or laugh about an ex's penis... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 The good thing is if she was talking about his penis, it was probably to make fun of it with the other women, rather than to be gushing about it. Which means she has no feelings for him and no regrets. It does seem like they would have been a little more discreet since you were sitting right there. Is it because you all were drinking? No drinking involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 You told her you're not mad. But you're here asking if you're wrong for being pissed off. Why did you lie to your wife about not being mad? I am no longer mad/pissed. Just checking to see if other people agreed with me that this is inappropriate dinner conversation we me sitting there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 You are still smarting over the naked sauna thing. Her conversation & phrasing weren't good but alone or even combined with the sauna thing you are picking fights. I you itching to get a divorce or something? You & your wife really need to have a serious conversation about boundaries & soon. Not looking for a divorce. I was over the sauna and we were in a really good place. Then this happened the other night. I know she is not trying to piss me off, put it seems she keeps on doing dumb things. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 Just checking to see if other people agreed with me that this is inappropriate dinner conversation we me sitting there. We agree with you. Women don’t generally discuss men’s penis’, especially not during a social gathering with their husband’s present. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I know there was no intent to be mean or hurt me. But, she did. Am I wrong for being pissed off about this?Yes. You are making yourself look worse than them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 The good thing is if she was talking about his penis, it was probably to make fun of it with the other women, rather than to be gushing about it. Which means she has no feelings for him and no regrets. It does seem like they would have been a little more discreet since you were sitting right there. Is it because you all were drinking? Your wife is irreverent and a free spirit. Always remember that it is you she has chosen to be with. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that that free spirit may be part of what attracted you to her. It's part of who she is. Women do talk to their friends about all kinds of things and it's usually in a joking manner, so she is not any different in that regard. But as others have said, she could work on being a little more discreet and considerate. So be sure she understands that that is the problem. Not that you want her to stop talking to her friends about men or whatever because women are going to do it. It's often part of a shared past. She just shouldn't do it within your ear shot. Most women would understand that so that right there is her failing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I have NO idea what the 'naked sauna thing' is so my reply is based solely on the OP's posts in this thread. The guy may be fat, but he's obviously hung. Hung enough that these hens had to have a little confab about it, right in front of you. That ridiculous platitude your wife texted you about yours being 'better' than his was such a freakin' cliche and so damned childish. If it's so much better, then I would imagine she probably had a whispering confab with her cronies about YOUR "better" penis too, right? Ask her exactly WHICH group dinner it was when they discussed your super penis. I think her behavior was INCREDIBLY crass and disrespectful. If they HAD to talk about it, she should have had the ladies go into the ladies room like most of us ladies do when we need to say something we don't want you to hear. Tactless, disrespectful, ignorant. That describes your wife AND her behavior. Pfffft You're making his molehill into a mountain. Hysterical opinions don't help the Op to let go of his negative feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 Your wife is irreverent and a free spirit. Always remember that it is you she has chosen to be with. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that that free spirit may be part of what attracted you to her. It's part of who she is. Women do talk to their friends about all kinds of things and it's usually in a joking manner, so she is not any different in that regard. But as others have said, she could work on being a little more discreet and considerate. So be sure she understands that that is the problem. Not that you want her to stop talking to her friends about men or whatever because women are going to do it. It's often part of a shared past. She just shouldn't do it within your ear shot. Most women would understand that so that right there is her failing. I agree with you. If she wants to talk about an ex-boyfriend's penis, she can do it. I don't control her. Just don't do it when I am sitting next to her at dinner. I don't really need to or want to hear the details of my wife's ex-boyfriend's penis. At dinner I wouldn't talk about the breasts of an ex-girlfriend at dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 Originally Posted by northnjguy Just checking to see if other people agreed with me that this is inappropriate dinner conversation we me sitting there.Yes, of course it is inappropriate dinner conversation but it wasn't exactly "dinner conversation." She thought it was being done discreetly, between the women as she/they was whispering. She realized the error of her ways and apologized. Hopefully she won't do it again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 I agree with you. If she wants to talk about an ex-boyfriend's penis, she can do it. I don't control her. Just don't do it when I am sitting next to her at dinner. I don't really need to or want to hear the details of my wife's ex-boyfriend's penis. At dinner I wouldn't talk about the breasts of an ex-girlfriend at dinner. Right. And there's another facet that can come back to bite her, and that is what if she tells her friends something when you're not there, but then one of them is also a loud mouth and indiscreet (which is probable) and decides to blurt it out some other time just to make conversation or a joke. A friend of mine actually had this happen to her after she girl-talked a friend she jogs with. Then they were at dinner and she just decided to blurt out this more private thing, which made the husband mad (he is touchier than you and really doesn't think women should gossip, which I disagree with), but anyway, it was so indiscreet that she did cut the friend out of her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 Sauna? What sauna? Another example of staying with an old thread is better than starting with a new thread. Not providing us important previous relationship problems. Asking for advice but denying us the whole story. Just the tip of iceberg can be misleading. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 I am no longer mad/pissed. Just checking to see if other people agreed with me that this is inappropriate dinner conversation we me sitting there. If you wern't still mad, you wouldn't be looking for affirmation Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 Women don’t generally discuss men’s penis’, especially not during a social gathering with their husband’s present. My sentiments exactly. And if it doesn't make sense....... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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