elaine567 Posted July 28, 2019 Share Posted July 28, 2019 I can easily see how this happened. Sitting at dinner, women next to each other. "Dave" the ex appears. One of the women or the wife recognises "Dave" and someone says "He's the one who..." "Yes..." Whisper, whisper, whisper to great hilarity... Husband hears and shows displeasure. "Oh dear..." Next time, the joke is even funnier as it includes an annoyed and pissed off husband... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 You are still smarting over the naked sauna thing. Her conversation & phrasing weren't good but alone or even combined with the sauna thing you are picking fights. I you itching to get a divorce or something? You & your wife really need to have a serious conversation about boundaries & soon. Between the hotel sauna for talking about her ex boyfriends .... and now the boating trip with just all the guys knowing she’ll be changing clothes in front of them. It sounds to me like his wife is doing things to cause the fights. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 Your wife is irreverent and a free spirit. Always remember that it is you she has chosen to be with. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that that free spirit may be part of what attracted you to her. It's part of who she is. Women do talk to their friends about all kinds of things and it's usually in a joking manner, so she is not any different in that regard. But as others have said, she could work on being a little more discreet and considerate. So be sure she understands that that is the problem. Not that you want her to stop talking to her friends about men or whatever because women are going to do it. It's often part of a shared past. She just shouldn't do it within your ear shot. Most women would understand that so that right there is her failing. Are you serious, she has never done anything like this in the past. If she gets a free spirit she would’ve been doing this the entire relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 northnjguy, I think you really need to start looking into what your wife’s doing. Something is going on that wasn’t going on before all this started I think you should also read no more Mr. nice Guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 How are things going northnjguy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 9, 2019 Author Share Posted August 9, 2019 How are things going northnjguy? Things have been ok. Thanks for asking. I am a lot more aware of things now. Last weekend went to a pool party. All of the other women were not in bathing suits. My wife had a low cut bathing suit top. The women were sitting at a table and the guys were in the hot tub. Of course my wife was hanging out with the guys. One of the women sent her a joking text that she was acting like one of their slutty friends. I know my wife really likes the hot tub, but after that text she went to the table with the other women. In the past I would not have thought a thing about this, but now I am maybe a bit too sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Why is your wife always the center of attention with all your male friends? I believe the other wife fired a warning shot with the text. This will end up with her cheating if it continues, if she hasn’t already. Sorry but I have seen it myself and have read to many threads where this has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 10, 2019 Author Share Posted August 10, 2019 Yes she does like to be the center of attention. In this group it is easy. My wife is in good shape. She exercises and watches what she eats. Me too. The other couples are all over weight and don’t exercise. Well they say they go to the gym, but must not do too much. I have been very aware of the cheating thing. I actually went with her to the gym this am. She goes to a different gym then me. All old men, nothing to worry about there. But, my eyes and ears are open. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 (edited) It doesn’t matter how unattractive or overweight a guy is if he’s able to push the right buttons with your wife she’s going to cheat.I have yet to read a story on any of these forums where a wife that seeks attention like this has not cheated. There’s also plenty of stories out here where the betrayed husband says, how could she cheat with him he can’t even hold a candle to me. Edited August 10, 2019 by usa1ah 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 northnjguy, This is all fair warning. You really need to talk with your wife and set boundaries with all this going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Where were you in all of this hot tubbing? Given that your wife likes to be in a hot tub, why couldn't she accompany you? It's pretty awful that she had to miss out just because the other women chose not to participate. Also, why did you attend a pool party in the first place if you would frown on your wife wanting to participate? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Context is everything. What exactly were they saying? For example, I could see how easily it could become a talking point if a guy walks up over to talk and has everything hanging out there on display or has a semi. A group of friends might make a comment or joke about how obvious/awkward it was. I find it hard to imagine women getting excited over it though, and that is the only thing I would personally take exception to. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Although every thread has been about your wife's behavior, the truth is this is about you northnjguy. You are not in a good place with your wife. You are not discussing these thoughts with her, rather, raging and keeping to yourself. Your wife is neither psychic or your pet. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Just giving my perspective while I have been introspective about my break up. Truthfully, when I read your post i found it quite humorous. Not that I am laughing at you, it was just funny the way you described it, as I pictured it in my head. I have found that it is just as bad to take things so seriously that everything becomes a problem or obstacle. That is when the dreaded “distance” creeps in. Do you love and adore your wife? Do you trust her? Do you not trust her judgment? If NOT then are these her problems or yours? Remember life is short. If you can’t love and laugh about things together then what is the point? My point: perspective counts. You can control whether your marriage heads to the dumps by your actions and reactions. You cannot and should not control her actions. She bears the same responsibility on actions and reactions. And in between this there should be strong communication. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 So what did northnjguy’s wife Say about her ex’s junk? The fact is northnjguy said she didn’t recognize her ex at first because of his weight gain. Then when she realized who he was she starts telling her gf’s about his junk. Who does this and why? The sauna is easily. She likes attention from other guys, what better way to get it then to be in a sauna naked with all this guys around checking her out. Your lying to yourself if you say it doesn’t happen, every guy that is attracted to females always looks a a beautiful women. Now if northnjguy was with her in the sauna it would have caused all of these guys to look away and try to steal a glance every now and then. That is why she didn’t tell him about it, she didn’t want the chance of him coming with her into the sauna. For those that disagree then answer why was the first thing she said about the sauna was to tell northnjguy about another mans junk? If it was no sexual like so many say then why was she checking out the guys to a point she could describe another mans junk to her husband. Then she is going to be the only female on a boating trip, husbands having to work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 usa1ah, none of the above is relevant to the hot tub. I still don't see why the OP wanted her to avoid the hot tub when she could have joined him in the bubbles. Why bother inviting the women folks to a pool party at all if they aren't welcome to participate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 11, 2019 Author Share Posted August 11, 2019 Where were you in all of this hot tubbing? Given that your wife likes to be in a hot tub, why couldn't she accompany you? It's pretty awful that she had to miss out just because the other women chose not to participate. Also, why did you attend a pool party in the first place if you would frown on your wife wanting to participate? I was sitting at the edge of the hot tub with her. At that point the guys were hanging out in the hot tub and the gals were at the table with the exception of my wife. Pool party was with a group of friends. I don't care that she goes in the pool or hot tub. Just at that point it was awkward. And, it clearly bothered the female friends that she was doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 It was awkward that she was sitting with you and the guys? Apparently she's doing the wrong thing if she's away from you and she's doing the wrong thing if she's with you. There's really no winning for her, is there? As for the other women, perhaps they are dull. Frequently, women's conversation goes to babies and children, complaining about husbands and how fat they are. I'd go and hang with the guys too. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 One of the women sent her a joking text that she was acting like one of their slutty friends. Who are these people that you call “friends?” In the past I would not have thought a thing about this, but now I am maybe a bit too sensitive. Clearly, it’s been another week and you have yet another example on which you can perseverate and over-analyze... building a case against your wife, one piece of circumstantial evidence at a time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 12, 2019 Author Share Posted August 12, 2019 Just giving my perspective while I have been introspective about my break up. Truthfully, when I read your post i found it quite humorous. Not that I am laughing at you, it was just funny the way you described it, as I pictured it in my head. I have found that it is just as bad to take things so seriously that everything becomes a problem or obstacle. That is when the dreaded “distance” creeps in. Do you love and adore your wife? Do you trust her? Do you not trust her judgment? If NOT then are these her problems or yours? Remember life is short. If you can’t love and laugh about things together then what is the point? My point: perspective counts. You can control whether your marriage heads to the dumps by your actions and reactions. You cannot and should not control her actions. She bears the same responsibility on actions and reactions. And in between this there should be strong communication. I do love and adore my wife. And, I do trust her not to cheat. I think you got it with I don't trust her judgment. I had a discussion with her that most things that you don't want to happen are preventable. They might not be intentional, but they are preventable. If you are sitting at a table with friends by the pool and you want sun tan lotion on your back you don't unclip the top back of your bathing suit top. When you try to reclip it fall off in front of everyone. Preventable -- don't unclip or walk away from the table to get it done. This is not intentional, but preventable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 12, 2019 Author Share Posted August 12, 2019 It was awkward that she was sitting with you and the guys? Apparently she's doing the wrong thing if she's away from you and she's doing the wrong thing if she's with you. There's really no winning for her, is there? As for the other women, perhaps they are dull. Frequently, women's conversation goes to babies and children, complaining about husbands and how fat they are. I'd go and hang with the guys too. I don't think I agree. Sometimes the guys just want to hang out and talk (just like the gals). If we are having guy talk I don't want my wife hanging out with us. Yes, the guy talk can be just as boring as the gal talk. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 Trouble is with groups of friends like this, then it can end up as "the gals" and "the guys" . But sometimes some women have absolutely nothing in common with "the gals" and I am guessing your wife is like this. They have not naturally come together, they have been put together as "the wives". Your friends wives want to stick together, your wife wants to talk to and hang out with "the guys". "The gals" are threatened hence the pretty nasty message to your wife - as a joke - Yeah right! Your wife is no doubt fed up of "the gal" talk, she probably knows "the gals" don't really like her and it is getting awkward all round. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 12, 2019 Author Share Posted August 12, 2019 Trouble is with groups of friends like this, then it can end up as "the gals" and "the guys" . But sometimes some women have absolutely nothing in common with "the gals" and I am guessing your wife is like this. They have not naturally come together, they have been put together as "the wives". Your friends wives want to stick together, your wife wants to talk to and hang out with "the guys". "The gals" are threatened hence the pretty nasty message to your wife - as a joke - Yeah right! Your wife is no doubt fed up of "the gal" talk, she probably knows "the gals" don't really like her and it is getting awkward all round. Actually these are her friends and the guys are put together. That is why this is a bit crazy. She is trying to get me to be friends with these guys. I am trying, but don't need a babysitter. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 She is trying to get me to be friends with these guys. I am trying, but don't need a babysitter. Ok I get it. But you have been with your wife a long time, why do you not already know these guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 Trashy move on her part. Double standard by multiple people on this thread. Let me illustrate... How does this feel? Went to a restaurant with my husband and 3 other couples. One of my husband's ex-girlfriends waked in (from over 20 years ago). She recognized him, but he didn't recognize her since she put on a ton of weight. They talked a little bit, no big deal. At our table I was to the right of my husband and two other men were to the left. I was talking to the other women. The men started to whisper and I could hear they were talking about my husband's ex-girlfriends vagina. I had to leave dinner early. When I was leaving I leaned over to my husband and quietly said it is really not appropriate to talk about you ex-girlfriends vagina when your wife is sitting right next to you. He was shocked that I heard. Then he texted me that mine was better and he was sorry. I said I am not mad, but it is just not cool. Later at home I also asked him why would he think it was appropriate to talk about this with me sitting right next to him. He then said he was sorry again. I also said I assume you were trying to be nice, but I really don't want to hear about a comparison of my vagina to your ex-girlfriends. He said he wouldn't do it again. I know there was no intent to be mean or hurt me. But, he did. Am I wrong for being pissed off about this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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