Timshel Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 Northnjguy, if you are telling us that your wife is more attention seeking than usual and that her behavior is more risque than usual, ok, I believe you. These are her friends who 'shamed' her, which was silly because friends should talk to each other, not shame. None the less, they called her out. Have you talked to her? I mean have you said to her, I'm thinking something is going on with you which means 'us.' Let's figure this out together and perhaps marital counseling. It's better to head discourse off at the first than clean up a big mess at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 Trashy move on her part. I know there was no intent to be mean or hurt me. But, he did. Am I wrong for being pissed off about this? Yes it was trashy. No, you're not wrong, imo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 12, 2019 Author Share Posted August 12, 2019 Ok I get it. But you have been with your wife a long time, why do you not already know these guys? These are her day friends. We don't really socialize with them at night. I know the guys, but not really friends with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 12, 2019 Author Share Posted August 12, 2019 Northnjguy, if you are telling us that your wife is more attention seeking than usual and that her behavior is more risque than usual, ok, I believe you. These are her friends who 'shamed' her, which was silly because friends should talk to each other, not shame. None the less, they called her out. Have you talked to her? I mean have you said to her, I'm thinking something is going on with you which means 'us.' Let's figure this out together and perhaps marital counseling. It's better to head discourse off at the first than clean up a big mess at the end. I have and she has said nothing has changed. It is all in my mind. I am not sure if these things happened in the past and I was not aware, but now that it is on my radar I see everything. I can now predict what they of bathing suit and/or top she will wear based on who we will be with. This group always low cut showing cleavage. I am not sure why, besides getting the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 Well, some people will tell you the sky is fuchsia when you have two eyes of your own and it's grey. My advice would be to say that you are uncomfortable and would feel better to have a marriage reboot. Depending upon budget, that may mean a marriage retreat, marriage counseling or reading books/ted talks together while taking walks and doing activities together at the exclusion of 'friends' time for a bit. I would trust your gut, because even if you are over reacting, you two are a married couple working for a common goal. All the bumps have to be weathered, together. The alternative is the end of a unified/peaceful marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 I can now predict what they of bathing suit and/or top she will wear based on who we will be with. This group always low cut showing cleavage. I am not sure why, besides getting the attention. Ask her perhaps? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldlion Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Would you have displayed the same reaction if you had heard your wife whisper, "Compared to northnjguy, the ex penis is a peanut." I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 (edited) I don't think I agree. Sometimes the guys just want to hang out and talk (just like the gals). If we are having guy talk I don't want my wife hanging out with us. Yes, the guy talk can be just as boring as the gal talk. So by the sound of it this is how you want it to go: Invited to pool party. Wife must sit with the women and only join the men if other women are with her, she must not show her bathers and cannot have access to the hot tub. Does this sum it up? I understand wanting to chat with the girls or guys. But I've never been to a mixed gender event where segregation was expected. Sure, it may happen on and off over over the course of the event, but nobody would raise an eyebrow if one went and chatted with the opposite sex for a bit. If one wants to be with the guy/girls only, they need to organise a special event for that. Edited August 13, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 13, 2019 Author Share Posted August 13, 2019 So by the sound of it this is how you want it to go: Invited to pool party. Wife must sit with the women and only join the men if other women are with her, she must not show her bathers and cannot have access to the hot tub. Does this sum it up? I understand wanting to chat with the girls or guys. But I've never been to a mixed gender event where segregation was expected. Sure, it may happen on and off over over the course of the event, but nobody would raise an eyebrow if one went and chatted with the opposite sex for a bit. If one wants to be with the guy/girls only, they need to organise a special event for that. For most of the party it was a mix. Then at that point the sexes split up. As I have said, even the women made comments to her about staying with the guys. It was just strange. Even my wife made the comment that she was the only female. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 For most of the party it was a mix. Then at that point the sexes split up. As I have said, even the women made comments to her about staying with the guys. It was just strange. Even my wife made the comment that she was the only female. It's hardly a crime for a wife to sit with her husband and the guys. And given that it was only a short amount of time she was with you, the women sound nasty for sending her that text. If you want solo guy time, have a boys night out. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Depends on the history. This are her friends and it seems the wives know her better then northnjguy. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 Depends on the history. This are her friends and it seems the wives know her better then northnjguy. It seems that they do not trust her, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share Posted August 16, 2019 It seems that they do not trust her, why? I think they might be jealous. My wife is the only one who looks good in a low cut bathing suit. The other women don't even wear a bathing suit. They all wear shirts up to the neck. Again, I do trust my wife. But the other men like to look. That might piss off the other women. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 I think they might be jealous. My wife is the only one who looks good in a low cut bathing suit. The other women don't even wear a bathing suit. They all wear shirts up to the neck. Again, I do trust my wife. But the other men like to look. That might piss off the other women. Every husband for the most part completely trust their spouse. They say my wife would never cheat, it’s not in her to do that. Until they find out she has been cheating for the last 5 years. You get my point no one thinks their spouse would cheat until they catch them doing so. You never thought your wife would get naked in a sauna with a bunch of guys but she did. Then she showered with them. So how do you know she has never cheated? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author northnjguy Posted August 20, 2019 Author Share Posted August 20, 2019 Very good point. My eyes are open. When I am on my phone emailing or texting (mostly for work) she tries to look at my phone. I show her my phone and say you can read it, it is really not that interesting. Sometimes I try to look at her phone and she turns it away. She say just girl stuff. I can check the online texting and it is just to her friends. I will keep my eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Pfffft You're making his molehill into a mountain. Hysterical opinions don't help the Op to let go of his negative feelings. I wasn't aware you were qualified to decide which opinions are "hysterical" and which ones aren't. Going forward, I'll be sure to run all my future prospective replies through you first for your approval before posting. :rolleyes: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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