A decent ending.

[Sunlight72]

I'm not sure if this is the right sub-forum for this, but I am feeling 'pretty good' and so far feeling like I was able to get positive closure with my ex-fiancée yesterday. It's not the common ending, so I thought I'd share it - like venting, but about something fairly positive.

 

She broke it off with me about 6 months ago, and I had earlier told her I would not want to 'be friends' or be in contact if we split up, which she said she understood. Never the less, after splitting, she continued messaging and calling, which kept me hoping we might get back together.

 

Three times I thought she really was just looking for attention, and not wanting to get back together, so I stopped replying to her/answering her calls. Then after a couple weeks she would catch me on a day I would answer or reply, and say things that gave me hope for another month or two.

 

Yesterday I met with her, traded our last things we had of each others, spent about an hour at an art museum, which was really nice. It was a bit tense at first, as we haven't seen each other in person for 6 months, but soon we were joking and laughing and teasing each other playfully, and just talking. It felt like we'd been apart for only a day. It was nice to feel that natural, fun 'click' that I haven't had with any one else, and to know it's a real thing. Maybe I'll find it with someone else if I keep looking. It just felt good.

 

After ward, she gave me a couple long hugs, and I told her if she wants something romantic with me to give me a call when she's single. Otherwise, she has to stop calling me. She was a little surprised, and said OK. I kissed her and she didn't kiss me back. It was alright. It was a clear message for me, and I'm glad I kissed her because her no-kiss was a sign my head doesn't want to re-interpret any other way. We said goodbye.

 

I hadn't ever wanted to walk away, but yesterday felt only a little sad, and mostly clear and right. I'm glad I took the chance for it, and glad I made it happen.

 

I don't think I'll ever talk to her again. I think today is the first day on my calendar of now moving forward toward what ever new there is in my life. She is now a character in the past, and a lot of intense memories from the year together. A lot of good, a lot of uncertain, definitely alive. Now past.

[basil67]

Good for you Sunlight. Sounds like you've got some good direction happening there

[PRW]

After ward, she gave me a couple long hugs, and I told her if she wants something romantic with me to give me a call when she's single. Otherwise, she has to stop calling me. She was a little surprised, and said OK. I kissed her and she didn't kiss me back. It was alright. It was a clear message for me, and I'm glad I kissed her because her no-kiss was a sign my head doesn't want to re-interpret any other way. We said goodbye.

 

I hadn't ever wanted to walk away, but yesterday felt only a little sad, and mostly clear and right. I'm glad I took the chance for it, and glad I made it happen.

 

I don't think I'll ever talk to her again. I think today is the first day on my calendar of now moving forward toward what ever new there is in my life. She is now a character in the past, and a lot of intense memories from the year together. A lot of good, a lot of uncertain, definitely alive. Now past.

Very well done. The next thing is to not let bitterness creep in so that if she were to contact you, you would be able to accept her contact cheerfully (just as you implied to her in your statement).

[alphamale]

... and I told her if she wants something romantic with me to give me a call when she's single...

 

don't ever say this to a woman again, otherwise it was a nice story

[Lisa_Lisa]

don't ever say this to a woman again, otherwise it was a nice story

 

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through Sunlight. I feel your pain.

I myself have made a statement like the above before, but I think it gives the other person too much power like we'll be waiting for them if they ever decide to return, like loyal little puppies. I guess the best thing to do is cut and run, as hard as it feels.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Thanks for sharing.

 

Sometimes all we meed is closure in order to move forward without constantly looking over our shoulder.

 

You'll find it again, I'm sure of it.

 

Good luck.

[Twizzlestick]

Thanks for sharing sunlight. I hope it doesn’t bring you crashing down after a while. Something like that would really set me back . But maybe it’s what you needed? Shame you mentioned to her about calling if she changes her mind. But you can’t undo that so onward!

[Michelle ma Belle]

Thanks for sharing sunlight. I hope it doesn’t bring you crashing down after a while. Something like that would really set me back . But maybe it’s what you needed? Shame you mentioned to her about calling if she changes her mind. But you can’t undo that so onward!

 

Meh, so what?

 

He was honest.

 

Doesn't mean he'll actually take her back if she does come back to him. She ended things which means HER feelings had changed but his didn't so it's only natural to still hold out a bit of hope for someone you were engaged to...

[preraph]

I think you did everything right. I see no problem with telling someone who you've already once told you don't want to be "just friends" that you're serious and no more contact unless she wants something romantic and is single. I mean, she's not a stranger. You were very much together for a long time. You were crystal clear. I guess she hoped you would relent and that's why she looked surprised. She misses your friendship. I've been there before myself, but with someone who I had a long friendship with first so it seemed reasonable to be able to go back to that status quo, but he was too bitter.

 

You were very strong to tell her that. Because on the heels of you telling her before you don't want to just be friends, she proceeded to keep trying to be just friends and thus stringing you along with hope for some months, you were perfectly right to be crystal clear about it this time. She didn't respect your decision before.

 

 

I'm so sorry you are left feeling this great connection to her. Clearly she likes you too. There's just no explaining how people can lose romantic interest. It's usually better if there's another person involved, but otherwise, it is hurtful and stupifying. In my case of it happening, it wasn't that I lost it. It was that I never really had it but thought maybe it would grow -- and then it couldn't really have grown due to other complications on his end and my own.

 

I hope you can just start with a clean slate now and reset and be more at peace.

[Twizzlestick]

Meh, so what?

 

He was honest.

 

Doesn't mean he'll actually take her back if she does come back to him. She ended things which means HER feelings had changed but his didn't so it's only natural to still hold out a bit of hope for someone you were engaged to...

 

Fair enough. Yeah, suppose so. I said it myself at the time but regretted it. But then what was said at one time holds no currency months later. So doesn’t matter. Was only an instant thought

[Sunlight72]

Thanks for the supportive thoughts and encouragement everyone, it's nice to get to celebrate a bright ending and turn to face forward, and it feels good to have the positive comments here too.

 

It's only been a couple days, but I am feeling bright about it.

 

I get what people are saying about not telling her to call if she wants to see me someday when she's single again, but I'm comfortable with it. It's true to my feelings, it's from me, we were engaged. I doubt she'll call - if she does, it will depend where I'm at in life if I arrange to see her again or not. It doesn't factor into my plans.

 

It's not a chess game to me. I expect to never see her or hear from her again, and I don't see the point to hiding something from her or myself.

 

She's the only ex I've ever said anything like that to, and it feels fine to me.

 

In other news, the morning before meeting with her I took a yoga class with a teacher I'd met at the yoga festival I volunteered at a month ago. She's the one I like best of the people I met there. She came several times to help move my body into 'more correct' positions, and complimented me on my form a few times, and when I asked her to lunch after the class she said she'd love to but had to work just then. It was a nice vista to set the day of letting my ex go. I'll chat her up again and see when her schedule is more open.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I usually tell my exes to fk off and burn in hell and then block them forever. You sound like a nicer person than I am.

[Happy Lemming]

I usually tell my exes to fk off and burn in hell...

 

Have we dated?? (LOL)

[alphamale]

I usually tell my exes to fk off and burn in hell and then block them forever. You sound like a nicer person than I am.

 

I just ghost them and move on

[The Outlaw]

You took the high road. Well done. I'm don't think I'd played it that way.

[Foxhall]

Sunlight, pity it did not work out, Id imagine the two of you would have been a good pairing,

 

Yes in a similar situation id probably hang on to the friendship, but the way you've handled it is the best way, your showing more self respect and taking a proper stand,

 

ah yes, I dont think you will have too much trouble finding someone else anyway.