She hasn't texted me all day! Playing hard to get?

[crazyguy123]

So I met this girl on Bumble. Had a great first date. We had dinner, held hands, and made out. When she got home from the first date she texted me tellingme she had a great time. So I set up another date for Thursday evening

 

She agreed and she told me she would tell me when because of her work schedule.

 

I texted her in the morning yesterday to have a good day! But no response! Although she saw all my Instagram stories and such.

 

What do I do? Is she playing hard to get?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Relax.

 

The ball is in her court.

 

Although it seems odd that she hasn't at least acknowledged your morning text given how attached we are to our phones these days, give her the benefit of the doubt as well as time and space if only to see what she'll do next.

 

She knows how you feel and she's the one who needs to get back to you to confirm your date on Thursday.

 

Nothing more you can do apart from wait.

[Kitty Tantrum]

To be fair, "have a good day" doesn't invite much in terms of response/conversation. I'm guilty of not responding to texts like that most of the time, no matter who sends them.

 

Once you were done exchanging pleasantries after the first date, and setting up the second date, I think the best thing would have been to NOT TEXT HER AGAIN until it was time to confirm the time for the second date, if she hasn't spoken up to let you know when.

 

That's pretty much what you should still do. If she hasn't reached out to confirm tomorrow's date by this evening, send her a message (one, single, brief message) asking what time you're getting together tomorrow. If she still doesn't get back to you, write her off as a flake.

 

Don't try to build a "text relationship." That's what teenagers do when they're lonely and horny but not independent enough to actually get out of their parents' houses and meet people.

[preraph]

Also, she let you know she has a busy week at work. Texting just isn't always on someone's mind when they're busy with working or other things.

[d0nnivain]

No she is not probably playing. She's busy. people have jobs, lives, friends, families.

 

Simmer down.

 

She will reach out when she comes up for air. If she is playing & is one of those silly impolite people who expect you to chase as in call / text 3 o4 times before she responds to test you, you don't need that in your life.

[Whodatdog]

Theres really no response required to that, other than maybe "ok", which is a waste of time. You didnt ask her a question.

 

Lots of people dont use texting for small talk, especially busy people. Texting is for asking questions, discussing issues, etc. Not "have a nice day".

[PRW]

So I set up another date for Thursday evening

Good

 

She agreed and she told me she would tell me when because of her work schedule.

Then you don't bother her until you hear from her.

 

I texted her in the morning yesterday to have a good day!

Over the weekend a woman I was giving a ride home to was telling me how a guy was doing that to her and it was driving her so nuts she wanted to throw her phone across the room. She told you she would contact you just before the date. Maybe she will cancel, maybe she will go for it, but leave her alone.

But no response!

Exactly. Leave her alone till you either hear from her,...if you don't hear from her just show up for the date like you said you would,...maybe she wants to see how reliable you are.

Although she saw all my Instagram stories and such.

She is probably checking for "red flags" on your social media.

 

This was Bumble, you are probably one of 9 other guys,...with all 10 jumping up and down, waving their hands, saying, "Remember me? remember me?". Don't be one of the crowd, the one that catches her attention will be the one that is different from the others, a mystery, a challenge.

 

Hasn't texted all day? You need to be able to quietly go about 4 days minimum without contact before you start worrying.

Edited July 24, 2019 by PRW

[frus69]

Really surprised people say "It doesnt require a reply". Yes it's not a question, but I'm yet to meet anyone who doesnt reply a " thank you. You too!"

It's just rude to ignore a msg like that.

I really think 90% chance shes bailing, or she would have relied a thank you.

 

5% she is impolite

5% she is clueless.

 

You will find out soon.

 

And to someone who says "its bumble shes getting 100 msg so it's ok she doesnt reply", well you need to up your standard. This behavior is simply not good enough.Yes we get lots of msg but for that one guy we like, we give him all the attention. I know I wouldn't ignore a msg from the guy I have hots with because I would do anything to not blow my chance with him.

Edited July 24, 2019 by frus69

[kendahke]

Rein in your expectations--expectations are future resentments under construction and you're setting yourself up to live on Resentment Road.

 

One date and you mostly likely haven't been talking to her for over 3 weeks---chill.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Yes we get lots of msg but for that one guy we like, we give him all the attention. I know I wouldn't ignore a msg from the guy I have hots with because I would do anything to not blow my chance with him.

 

I dunno. When the ex and I were swinging/open/"poly", the format of that "scene" was a lot like OLD. And no matter how much I liked a guy, I was always straight-up ANNOYED if he acted like he just assumed I would forget all about him, or if he wanted our interaction to be continuous/ongoing through text/messaging instead of respecting and appreciating the time and attention I actually set aside for him. Just like PRW said - waving their hands, saying, "Remember me? remember me?"

 

She already said yes to the second date. Pushing for more of her time and attention before that date happens is a great way to turn that "yes" into a "no."

[frus69]

I dunno. When the ex and I were swinging/open/"poly", the format of that "scene" was a lot like OLD. And no matter how much I liked a guy, I was always straight-up ANNOYED if he acted like he just assumed I would forget all about him, or if he wanted our interaction to be continuous/ongoing through text/messaging instead of respecting and appreciating the time and attention I actually set aside for him. Just like PRW said - waving their hands, saying, "Remember me? remember me?"

 

She already said yes to the second date. Pushing for more of her time and attention before that date happens is a great way to turn that "yes" into a "no."

 

U are talking completely different issues here

Will you ignore a good morning text from the guy you like ?

[frus69]

Rein in your expectations--expectations are future resentments under construction and you're setting yourself up to live on Resentment Road.

 

One date and you mostly likely haven't been talking to her for over 3 weeks---chill.

 

Hmm no expectations but maybe do have standards.

Of course to each their own but I would require higher level of affection and attentiveness than this to be able to enjoy a relationship. Maybe others are fine with this level.

I just dont think shes very keen. Im yet to see anyone ignore texts from someone they really keen on.but Its not a deal breaker after one date, OP can keep chasing if he wants and see if he can make her keen

Edited July 24, 2019 by frus69

[Kitty Tantrum]

U are talking completely different issues here

Will you ignore a good morning text from the guy you like ?

 

It's really NOT that different. Guys I went out with, enjoyed my time with, wanted to see again, PLANNED to see again, liked them enough that they were solid candidates for ongoing FWB/pseudo-boyfriend sorts of relationships, etc. (which is where most OLD goes anyway, so the fact that I wasn't available to MARRY any of them doesn't really make that much difference). Very similar scenarios where we had plans contingent on me letting them know what time (just replace busy work schedule with busy domestic schedule). I tell them I'll let them know, they say OK, conversation ends there.

 

Then they start texting me/messaging me again before I've had a chance to figure out my schedule. And maybe this isn't the case for YOU, but for me and a lot of other women, that feels like a really awkward sort of pressure. Especially if they open the conversation with something that ends in a period instead of a question mark.

 

I LEARNED to ignore those sorts of messages, no matter how much I like the guy, because my experience is that those conversations never go anywhere, or if they do it's really cringy. Something like this:

 

Him: good morning

Me: morning

Him: *sends some dumb picture/meme/whatever*

Me: neat

Him: ur so sexy

Me: thanks

Him: [text speak that I don't understand]

Me: [ignoring]

Him: ???

Me: [really have no idea what to say or why we're even having this conversation]

Him: r u there??

 

And you know, maybe we would have had a REALLY GREAT TIME on that second date, but at this point, he ruined it. It's not happening.

[emeraldgreen]

One date and you're not the centre of her existence! Dump this game-playing ho!

[frus69]

It's really NOT that different. Guys I went out with, enjoyed my time with, wanted to see again, PLANNED to see again, liked them enough that they were solid candidates for ongoing FWB/pseudo-boyfriend sorts of relationships, etc. (which is where most OLD goes anyway, so the fact that I wasn't available to MARRY any of them doesn't really make that much difference). Very similar scenarios where we had plans contingent on me letting them know what time (just replace busy work schedule with busy domestic schedule). I tell them I'll let them know, they say OK, conversation ends there.

 

Then they start texting me/messaging me again before I've had a chance to figure out my schedule. And maybe this isn't the case for YOU, but for me and a lot of other women, that feels like a really awkward sort of pressure. Especially if they open the conversation with something that ends in a period instead of a question mark.

 

I LEARNED to ignore those sorts of messages, no matter how much I like the guy, because my experience is that those conversations never go anywhere, or if they do it's really cringy. Something like this:

 

Him: good morning

Me: morning

Him: *sends some dumb picture/meme/whatever*

Me: neat

Him: ur so sexy

Me: thanks

Him: [text speak that I don't understand]

Me: [ignoring]

Him: ???

Me: [really have no idea what to say or why we're even having this conversation]

Him: r u there??

 

And you know, maybe we would have had a REALLY GREAT TIME on that second date, but at this point, he ruined it. It's not happening.

 

well first of all you are looking for a casual relationship, not a committed one. I think this prerequisite changes everything.

second because of one guy's behavior you just assume all guys will keep texting once you reply, and harass you once you stop replying. So you choose to not reply, altogether,from the very beginning?. That's not really fair and it really makes you look rude. I have met one or 2 guys like your examples. But all the rest are pretty respectful.

 

But, comfort level to each their own. For you, ignoring texts is not a problem (probably because you are only looking for casual things but anyway) But for many others it is. It's incompatibility at least and I personally would see it as a sign of low interest which is not good enough for me. Again, these standards to each their own.

 

I think OP should figure out his own standards and stick to it. He will soon figure out her intentions anyway.

Edited July 24, 2019 by frus69

[The Outlaw]

It's too early to tell at this point, and it's only still Wednesday. Send her no more messages. See if she texts you back. But should you not hear back from her at all regarding tomorrow, then you'll have your answer.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I don't see OLD going in the "committed relationship" direction very often, so yeah, principally it's not that different. We're talking about attraction and attention-seeking here, in the just-met-each-other phase - not the difference between the commitment-and-marriage-track and the casual-dating-track.

 

And you missed the part where I said GUYS, plural. It was a very consistent pattern. Not one guy. MANY OF THEM.

 

One of my FAVORITE things about my fiance is that he has never (ever ever ever) texted me in that manner. Texting/messaging was for logistics, not conversation, not getting-to-know-you, not establishing intimacy. All that stuff was saved for when we were face-to-face.

 

Edit to add: this happened the same way when I was no longer married, too - just a smaller sample size because I had a lot less patience for entertaining strange men when I didn't have a husband encouraging me to do it.

Edited July 24, 2019 by Kitty Tantrum

[Marc878]

I wouldn't text pester her to death. That spells out needy/clingy quick.

 

If you get the second date great if you don't drop it and move on.

 

Independence is attractive needy is not.

[frus69]

I don't see OLD going in the "committed relationship" direction very often, so yeah, principally it's not that different.

 

more than half of my committed LTD started from OLD so yeah, it's very different depending what we want. and judging from my convo with many guys, they behave differently and have different standards when they want something serious, no matter OLD or in real life.

 

It's unfortunate you get many guys harass you. I must be extremely lucky cuz 90% guys are respectful to me

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Also, she let you know she has a busy week at work. Texting just isn't always on someone's mind when they're busy with working or other things.

 

Except she had time to look at Instagram. This sounds like she isn't all that interested. No one plays hard to get that's interested in you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why do so many men think women actually play hard to get? Why do desirable women even have a need to do this?

[rightondude]

 

Him: good morning

Me: morning

Him: *sends some dumb picture/meme/whatever*

Me: neat

Him: ur so sexy

Me: thanks

Him: [text speak that I don't understand]

Me: [ignoring]

Him: ???

Me: [really have no idea what to say or why we're even having this conversation]

Him: r u there??

 

If in the future people want to know where it all went wrong, they can look to conversations like this that ultimately led to the extinction of the human race.

 

From Shakespeare to "ur so sexy" ... I just can't. Ur so sexy I can't even be bothered to spell out you're! Of course they'd probably spell it "your" anyway.

[Trail Blazer]

Why do so many men think women actually play hard to get? Why do desirable women even have a need to do this?

 

Because maybe they do? Perhaps not all the time, but any attractive girl on OLD will be bombareded with messages. Whether it's playing hard to get, $h!t testing, it's all too common.

 

In the case of OP, I don't see any playing hard to get behavior. More likely she saw the message, was busy at the time then simply forgot to reply back. I believe the message warranted a response, but I don't believe a no response warrants worrying about a reason.

[d0nnivain]

There's a difference between PLAYING hard to get & BEING hard to get.

 

When I 1st started dating DH I had a FT job having just opened my own company & a PT job as an adjunct professor. I was on my way up the ladder to being state president of a large business group. I served on 3 boards of trustees and was providing care & support to my elderly parents. DH had a FT job, a PT job & was going to school on line. Obviously we were both VERY busy & it wasn't easy to coordinate our schedules to spend time together.

 

Based on the criteria I often see bandied about here on LS, most posters would say we had low interest given that we didn't talk every day, rarely sent text messages & in the beginning only saw each other once per week. Obviously that wasn't the case. We just had other obligations.

 

Now that more time has passed since the OPs 1st post it is looking more like low interest from this woman. In the beginning I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, as somebody pointed out, nothing in the original have a nice day message merited a response.

 

OP be brave. Pick up the phone. Use the voice feature . Call her ONCE & ask her on a date. If you get voice mail, leave a message about calling you back so you two can make plans. If you don't get a response to that move along. You can follow the v/m with a text that says left you a v/m. Do not pester her.

[elaine567]

The allegation of "playing hard to get", protects the ego.

"She is not replying, not because she is not interested in me, but because she is some terrible game playing woman..."