How long did it take you to delete their number from your phone? (6 mo for me)

[Optimystic]

I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but 6 months after the break I finally did it. (I do have it written in a notebook somewhere.. but I don't have the urge to do anything with it).

 

What about you? How long til you decided it was time?

[samjam7]

It has been 3 months since my BU. I still have not deleted it. Why did you delete it? Is it because you had the urge to text/call them? Or was it cause some sort of weird attachment was holding you back?

 

I don't get the urge to text him or call. Is deleting the number necessary?

 

Few more questions for you?

 

1) Were you the dumpee or the dumper?

 

2) How are you doing now after 6 months post BU?

 

3) Do you stalk their social media?

[Beachead]

@Optimystic

 

Great job deleting the number. Writing it down somewhere is an excellent way to transition off of it.

 

In my last breakup, I deleted my ex's number off of my phone inside of a week after my break up but wrote it down in a notebook like you did because I wasn't ready to completely lose it. Eventually I got rid it of all together 7-8 months later when I found out my ex got engaged.

 

- Beach

[Beachead]

@samjam7

 

I know you didn't ask me the question but thought I'd share my viewpoint anyway. I was largely a dumpee in 3 of my relationships so I'll advise from that standpoint.

 

It has been 3 months since my BU. I still have not deleted it. Why did you delete it? Is it because you had the urge to text/call them? Or was it cause some sort of weird attachment was holding you back?

 

I deleted my ex's number off of my phone and also advise others to because everytime you go through your contacts, you're going to see their name. If you have Whatsapp, Viber or similar social media apps, it'll show their number along with their profile picture. Even if you block them, you can still see their number an profile pic.

 

You'll still be attached, still carry hope and you'll be in tremendous pain while you try to work out what happened in your relationship. When you feel like this, you don't want to keep seeing their info on your phone because it can trigger you. If you're in enough pain, you might reach out and that's something you don't want to do. You want to minimize that possibility.

 

Therefore, deleting them is largely a way of putting them out of sight, out of mind and is also a way to tell yourself it's over. This is an especially important thing to do for yourself if you're a dumpee.

 

I don't get the urge to text him or call. Is deleting the number necessary?

 

If you find seeing his name on your contact list hurts, delete him. You can do what I did and write the number on a sheet of paper and keep it out of your sight.

 

Few more questions for you?

 

1) Were you the dumpee or the dumper?

 

I was a dumpee in my first two relationships but was a dumper in my recent one where I was forced into ending the relationship because of how badly I was being treated. Forced dumpers end up grieving like dumpees anyway because they didn't want to break up in the first place.

 

2) How are you doing now after 6 months post BU?

 

I'll just mention my last relationship. I still struggled with hope that maybe she'd come back. Still very much in my grief. I'd still have bad dreams that would upset my coming days. I'd still pass by places and still hurt. Only difference was, all that excruciating, paralyzing pain I felt in the first month or two subsided and it just wasn't as intense anymore. It became more of an ache. I was largely numbed out. But, I was able to function and do things in life again.

 

In general, it was more of the 1 year mark that showed me the tremendous improvement I made. I still had more healing to do but I was fairly good and largely back to myself by this point.

 

3) Do you stalk their social media?

 

I blocked my ex on all social media for largely the same reasons I deleted the number. If you have them on social media, you see updates. When you see updates, you hurt..everytime. If you see your ex with someone new, it breaks you. You also get into the habit of creeping their profile and analyzing their activity. "Who could that person be?" "What could that post mean?" "Why have they been inactive?" ..this prevents you from letting go completely which is detrimental to you when you're attemping to get back to being your best self again.

 

The way I think about it is like this: If my ex wants to reach out to me, she has my number. If she got rid of it, she has my email. There are still ways to contact me without me having to see her and her happy post-breakup life. If she doesn't understand why I took her off of social media and becomes upset with me, she's being selfish. She did what was best for her and that's fine, but she has to be okay with me doing what's best for me then. It's not to punish her..it's to help me heal so that I can move on. Coincidently, the fact that I haven't heard from her tells me she made a choice not to contact me..probably because she moved on herself. In that choice, I get all the answers I need to help me move forward.

Edited July 25, 2019 by Beachead

[Michelle ma Belle]

When I'm done, I'm done.

 

Regardless who does the ending.

 

I am a frequent purger at the best of times particularly when it comes to phone numbers.

 

Break ups are no different.

 

It's not always easy but I know it's the only way to move on.

[Happy Lemming]

Within the first 30 seconds of being dumped, I delete the person's phone number from my phone.

 

Why keep it??

 

If she changes her mind, she can call me, but I have no desire to contact someone that no longer wants me around.

 

If the number is deleted, there is zero chance I'll drunk dial/text her. Also, when I replace her and my new girlfriend goes through my phone (and yes, the majority of women I have dated go through my phone) there is nothing in there but business contacts and family members.

[samjam7]

@samjam7

 

I know you didn't ask me the question but thought I'd share my viewpoint anyway. I was largely a dumpee in 3 of my relationships so I'll advise from that standpoint.

 

 

 

I deleted my ex's number off of my phone and also advise others to because everytime you go through your contacts, you're going to see their name. If you have Whatsapp, Viber or similar social media apps, it'll show their number along with their profile picture. Even if you block them, you can still see their number an profile pic.

 

You'll still be attached, still carry hope and you'll be in tremendous pain while you try to work out what happened in your relationship. When you feel like this, you don't want to keep seeing their info on your phone because it can trigger you. If you're in enough pain, you might reach out and that's something you don't want to do. You want to minimize that possibility.

 

Therefore, deleting them is largely a way of putting them out of sight, out of mind and is also a way to tell yourself it's over. This is an especially important thing to do for yourself if you're a dumpee.

 

 

 

If you find seeing his name on your contact list hurts, delete him. You can do what I did and write the number on a sheet of paper and keep it out of your sight.

 

 

 

I was a dumpee in my first two relationships but was a dumper in my recent one where I was forced into ending the relationship because of how badly I was being treated. Forced dumpers end up grieving like dumpees anyway because they didn't want to break up in the first place.

 

 

 

I'll just mention my last relationship. I still struggled with hope that maybe she'd come back. Still very much in my grief. I'd still have bad dreams that would upset my coming days. I'd still pass by places and still hurt. Only difference was, all that excruciating, paralyzing pain I felt in the first month or two subsided and it just wasn't as intense anymore. It became more of an ache. I was largely numbed out. But, I was able to function and do things in life again.

 

In general, it was more of the 1 year mark that showed me the tremendous improvement I made. I still had more healing to do but I was fairly good and largely back to myself by this point.

 

 

Thank you so much for the input. I will go ahead and delete my ex's number although I sort of have it memorized by heart.

 

I am not tempted though. I still hate my ex for what he did though although I am in much less pain now.

 

I just hope karma gives it all back to him somehow. He hoe'd me real bad.

 

Great to hear about your progress. I just hope I can keep at it. But I don't know why I still have not reached that point of indifference. I still think if he comes back and accepts his mistakes I will gladly take him back. I just don't know why I would feel this way for a person like him. This is what emotional attachment does to a person because there was a time when I was not attracted to him in the least bit.

[The Outlaw]

I deleted it immediately. But even after five years as of mid-September, I still remember it.

[samjam7]

@The_Outlaw You mean you still have the number memorized?

[twatwa123]

I was dumped.

Deleted her number the same day.

Can't remember it.

[GoreSP]

4 months and a half but it's because we had a lease that ended 4 months after the break up and then two more weeks before final bills were paid.

Then I blocked him everywhere.

I never bothered to unblock him from my facebook. I changed phones so I guess his number is no longer blocked...

Had to unblock his email about a month ago for sports league reasons.

[GTR King]

Sounds bad but I never delete numbers/people off FaceBook only do it if they cheated on me or did something nasty...

 

I let them do it & feels it up to them to decide

 

been nearly 2 months since my BU still have there number/Facebook even has an ex of 6 years on FaceBook

[Optimystic]

It has been 3 months since my BU. I still have not deleted it. Why did you delete it? Is it because you had the urge to text/call them? Or was it cause some sort of weird attachment was holding you back?

 

I don't get the urge to text him or call. Is deleting the number necessary?

 

Few more questions for you?

 

1) Were you the dumpee or the dumper?

 

2) How are you doing now after 6 months post BU?

 

3) Do you stalk their social media?

 

I deleted his number for a couple of reasons. One, because I have had bad luck in accidentally dialing people, and would be mortified if that happened with him. Two, I didn't want to be reminded of him.. and someone mentioned, you see their name in your contacts, and it's unpleasant. I'm really glad I did it, too, because today for some reason I was having this random urge to sent him a text.. (I've been in NC for 4 months.. technically the whole 6, but he contacted me twice since then and I responded briefly, then went back to NC) and I would have regretted it.

 

As for if it's necessary.. I mean, what is the reason to keep it? That's my question, really.

 

So to answer your question, in the end I was the dumpee, but I was going back and forth on whether I wanted to be with him. Our relationship was very up and down, like a rollercoaster. We almost broke up before that a couple of times. I almost broke up with him first. After 6 months into it I was ready to walk, his disrespect had taken a toll I thought. But then I wasn't. I know now I should have ended it then. It lasted 1.5 years. I wasn't really happy and he honestly made me feel like **** 85% of the time. He took me for granted, only occasionally acknowledging it, didn't really appreciate my efforts. But you get attached, you love someone..and it's hard to let go. Especially because there were good things about being together.. it was nice sometimes. I held on for dear life, in a strange turn of events. It was a painful resistance to letting go. I definitely cried. A lot. I still do.

 

How am I doing now? OK. I have good days and bad days. Am I over him? Not completely.. but knowing that we're not really compatible and bad for each other helps me move on.. I'm trying. Also remembering all the ****ty things he did. That helps. I recommend anyone trying to get over someone to do that. Don't think about the sweet things. It just hurts. I relapse and miss him sometimes. I don't want to get back together with him though.. I know it would be the same rollercoaster that brought me so much pain and stress. In a lot of ways I'm doing better without him.

 

I don't stalk his FB anymore, but I did for a couple of months. When I saw him switch his status to single it did sting. But then I got over it. I'm single too, only I don't advertise it. Anyway, it is what it is. I unfollowed him on there, but haven't unfriended him. I don't know if I will.. I kind of want him to know that I can live without him just fine. Which is what I'm doing.

Edited July 30, 2019 by Optimystic

[Mrin]

Immediately unless I want to keep her as a friend.

[samjam7]

I deleted his number for a couple of reasons. One, because I have had bad luck in accidentally dialing people, and would be mortified if that happened with him. Two, I didn't want to be reminded of him.. and someone mentioned, you see their name in your contacts, and it's unpleasant. I'm really glad I did it, too, because today for some reason I was having this random urge to sent him a text.. (I've been in NC for 4 months.. technically the whole 6, but he contacted me twice since then and I responded briefly, then went back to NC) and I would have regretted it.

 

As for if it's necessary.. I mean, what is the reason to keep it? That's my question, really.

 

So to answer your question, in the end I was the dumpee, but I was going back and forth on whether I wanted to be with him. Our relationship was very up and down, like a rollercoaster. We almost broke up before that a couple of times. I almost broke up with him first. After 6 months into it I was ready to walk, his disrespect had taken a toll I thought. But then I wasn't. I know now I should have ended it then. It lasted 1.5 years. I wasn't really happy and he honestly made me feel like **** 85% of the time. He took me for granted, only occasionally acknowledging it, didn't really appreciate my efforts. But you get attached, you love someone..and it's hard to let go. Especially because there were good things about being together.. it was nice sometimes. I held on for dear life, in a strange turn of events. It was a painful resistance to letting go. I definitely cried. A lot. I still do.

 

How am I doing now? OK. I have good days and bad days. Am I over him? Not completely.. but knowing that we're not really compatible and bad for each other helps me move on.. I'm trying. Also remembering all the ****ty things he did. That helps. I recommend anyone trying to get over someone to do that. Don't think about the sweet things. It just hurts. I relapse and miss him sometimes. I don't want to get back together with him though.. I know it would be the same rollercoaster that brought me so much pain and stress. In a lot of ways I'm doing better without him.

 

I don't stalk his FB anymore, but I did for a couple of months. When I saw him switch his status to single it did sting. But then I got over it. I'm single too, only I don't advertise it. Anyway, it is what it is. I unfollowed him on there, but haven't unfriended him. I don't know if I will.. I kind of want him to know that I can live without him just fine. Which is what I'm doing.

Your relationship sounds ALOT like mine. When I was finally dumped mercilessly over text and after giving me hopes of engagement I broke down. I called and begged him. I met and begged him even though it was not my fault of doing so much back/forth. Honestly, my self-esteem hit so slow that when he blocked my phone number I would call him with a private number. That is how bad it was. Honestly, it took a lot for a person like me to reach that point. I know he was not worth the effort one bit. But now I know that I tried more than I could have and should have. Mine also lasted for 2 years and I heard the general length of on/off relationships last that long.

 

I try to think of his bad sides but it hurts me and makes angry. But this anger and hurt feelings no longer want me to complain to him.

 

Yes, it is 100 percent true that keeping the number makes you want to check their info to somehow feel their presence in your life. Maybe that is why I still feel the pain intensely. Although he is gone physically but mentally I have kept him alive within me. But I know he will slowly go away and that day will be so good!

[Isle]

After an 8 year relationship, it took me no more than 10 seconds to remove her number; right after she walked out. No regrets.