For those who’s been molested how has it affected your relationships and life?

[MeganDoll]

I was molested by an Uncle as a child and my grandfather also masturbated in front of me.

 

I didnt think it affected me till recently.

 

I sometimes get PTSD and just don’t want to deal with people for days. I always thought that was from my divorce but deep down I think I knew it was from this but didn’t want to admit it.

 

I would always choose weird men who would add drama to my life as partners some drug dealers or verbal abusers and think that may have something to do with my childhood.

 

I’ve heard from some people that the only way to somewhat heal form this is extensive therapy and while therapy isn’t lamenting I ever truly believed in enough people who’ve been molested told me it’s the only way to start the healing process.

[Rockdad]

I was sexually abused for 5 years by two older male cousins when I was young. For the longest time I knew incest was wrong but I had to just "know it" as I had no feelings one way or another about it. I also had grown very homophobic and I sure had feelings about that. Immediately after I had my 1st child the parental protection over that baby opened my eyes to many things one being actual feelings and utter disgust on the matter of incest.

 

 

 

I needed and did a lot counseling in my late 20's for the abuses I had from my brutal father and older cousins. Still I remained homophobic. Sure I knew where that came from. Times were changing and now sexual orientation was less of a factor than it ever had been in society. I'd listen to my sons talk about their friends at school who were gay like it was notta thing. It began to soak through my hard homophobic head and once again it was my kids who my eyes were opened up thru. Life sure is a lot easier letting myself be healed than holding on to that old baggage.

[major_merrick]

The weird thing is, when you're young and you don't realize what's going on, you're able to accept some pretty weird stuff as "normal." Sometimes as an adult, you realize what you went through wasn't normal at all - and it is occasionally better to leave that stuff buried so you don't go crazy.

 

My mother is in prison as a sex offender. She's been released before, only to re-offend and go right back. She was a pretty terrible person, but only in recent years have I figured out what she actually did to me. When I was in middle school and junior high, I had sex with some of her female friends, including one that was pretty regular. At the time, it was kind of an ego thing for me because here I was having fun with these older women and I thought I was having a good time. We'd drink alcohol and listen to music, etc... What was actually going on? My mom was trading access to me to fund her drug habit, and having sex with her friends' daughters who were about my age.

 

Yep. Thanks, Mom. I did what I could to protect my little sister and get her out of there, but she's turned out pretty messed up. Her views of sex and love are totally backwards, and now she's ended up dating one of my psycho exes.

 

Becoming a mother has brought a lot of this stuff up in my mind, and I'm determined that my daughters (and my son too) won't grow up the way I did. But they have a great man for a father, unlike the worthless drunk dad that I had. My dad's dead, and my mom has terminal cancer and won't live to see release. She'll never know she has grandchildren. Thank God.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

When I was young I was forced to see a penis, repeatedly, from a relative who liked to expose himself to my sister and me. He also tried really hard to see us naked (and attempted other things). It's definitely affected me in my adult life. It pisses me off if a man thinks I actually want to see his junk and am turned on by it (i.e. my ex H swinging it around while dancing around the room, thinking it's funny). I have always also hated (even when I was thin and toned before kids) exposing my body to anyone. Going to the doctor/GYN has always been a trigger as well as I believe my sis and I were abused by our pediatrician in our early years (i.e. under age 10). We both have bad memories . (We are twins)

[MeganDoll]

Have any of you chosen bad or abusive partners or maybe shyed away from good guys who treated you well at one point because it felt weird or too normal?

[Woggle]

My mother sexually abused me because she thought it was her way of getting back at the patriarchy. For a while I had toxic relationships then became angry and hateful toward wo me in general. Toady I have the kind of marriage many people dream of and I am pretty well adjusts I refuse to let my past ruin me.

[anika99]

I was molested by an uncle and in a way I was sexually abused by my mother. She never molested me but she would openly engage in explicit sexual activity in front of me. I was emotionally and mentally abused by my stepfather but not sexually abused by him. I also went through periods of neglect and abandonment because my mother liked to have fun and I cramped her style so she regularly shipped me off to live with other people, sometimes with other family members, sometimes with strangers.

 

I was affected deeply, but I'm not sure exactly which parts of my crappy childhood affected which parts of my adulthood. In my late teens and twenties I was a freaking disaster. Had two children out of wedlock that I was raising in poverty, chose men who were more damaged than me, started having debilitating panic attacks, had no self esteem and I was full of self loathing as I continued to make bad decisions and sabotage myself. Being molested by an uncle was horrible of course, but I honestly believe I was mostly damaged by my mother and then my stepfather when she married him. He beat her up a couple of times when I was present and he punished me by hitting me with a belt. He was always angry and I never knew what was going to piss him off so there was always an element of fear and stress when he was home. I would just stay quiet and try to be invisible when he was around. The crap I went through because of my mother and her lousy decisions was daily. Everyday I lived in fear and uncertainty, whereas the actual molestations were a couple of isolated incidences.

[amaysngrace]

Go to therapy. It can’t hurt.

 

The hardest part is reliving it all over again but once you’ve accepted that the revisiting it is way far better than what you actually lived through as a child you’ll find your strength to begin the process of healing.

[Rayce]

My life has been pretty hard and I'm pretty messed up in the head.... never really felt loved... but I did feel used... yeah felt that a lot by everyone I have ever loved. I had kids for the sole purpose of having people on this planet that would love me. lol...

 

I was molested by multiple people when I was kid. My earliest memories start around 7 or so:

 

The one I never forgot was how my aunt molested me, my brother and 2 other kids all at the same time. When it was discovered my mom explained it away by saying she was mentally disabled and didn't know what she was doing. I was forced to spend every holiday with this person until I grew up and moved out.

 

I have never shared this with anyone but my mom use to come home drunk and crawl in bed with me. I hated it so much. I remember trying to squeeze myself into the crack between the wall and my bed cringing every time she touched me. I don't recall how many years that went on but at some point I got brave and flat out told her I wasn't her husband to leave me alone! She never did it again.

 

At about that same time I was also being molested by the teenager down the street. He took my virginity. I always had the memory of my aunt but the memories of the teenager I had completely blocked out of my mind until I was in my 40's. But this event did the most damage. When I thought I was having sex for the 1st time my boyfriend at the time dumped my 5 mins post sex because I wasn't a virgin and I told him I was. I thought I was... I believed I was up until I was in my 40's when that memory came flooding back. When he broke up with me I was barely 16 years old... I was so devastated that I tried to kill myself. Both my parents were taking pills because they were pretty messed up individuals themselves. They both had prescriptions for valium and muscle relaxers. I took all of their pills... 4 bottles. I was locked up in the bathroom writing in my journal when my mom tried to stop me. I ran out of the house and down the street. I got scared so I stuck my thumb out and hitched a ride to the nearest hospital. The last thing I remember of that day was seeing our neighbor... he was the ER doc on duty that day. That day I learned the only person who would ever be there for me... was myself.... I saved myself and I have been doing that ever since.

Edited July 31, 2019 by Rayce

[Michelle ma Belle]

Sexual abuse survivor here.

 

And yes, the younger it starts, the more 'normal' it feels and often doesn't rear it's ugly head until later in your life.

 

The ONLY way to survive this is through intensive and consistent therapy. It isn't always pleasant but so necessary.

 

I'm living proof you can come out if happier, healthier AND have a very exciting and fulfilling sex life!

[GorillaTheater]

Gotta say, my heart hurts for you folks who have gone through this. I can't even imagine.

[MeganDoll]

Sexual abuse survivor here.

 

And yes, the younger it starts, the more 'normal' it feels and often doesn't rear it's ugly head until later in your life.

 

The ONLY way to survive this is through intensive and consistent therapy. It isn't always pleasant but so necessary.

 

I'm living proof you can come out if happier, healthier AND have a very exciting and fulfilling sex life!

 

If you don’t mind me asking how did it affect you?

 

Did you go for certain types of unhealthy partners?

 

Also did you have any ptsd where you wanted to disconnect from even friends and family for a few days every month?

 

And how did it affect you sexually?

[MeganDoll]

My life has been pretty hard and I'm pretty messed up in the head.... never really felt loved... but I did feel used... yeah felt that a lot by everyone I have ever loved. I had kids for the sole purpose of having people on this planet that would love me. lol...

 

I was molested by multiple people when I was kid. My earliest memories start around 7 or so:

 

The one I never forgot was how my aunt molested me, my brother and 2 other kids all at the same time. When it was discovered my mom explained it away by saying she was mentally disabled and didn't know what she was doing. I was forced to spend every holiday with this person until I grew up and moved out.

 

I have never shared this with anyone but my mom use to come home drunk and crawl in bed with me. I hated it so much. I remember trying to squeeze myself into the crack between the wall and my bed cringing every time she touched me. I don't recall how many years that went on but at some point I got brave and flat out told her I wasn't her husband to leave me alone! She never did it again.

 

At about that same time I was also being molested by the teenager down the street. He took my virginity. I always had the memory of my aunt but the memories of the teenager I had completely blocked out of my mind until I was in my 40's. But this event did the most damage. When I thought I was having sex for the 1st time my boyfriend at the time dumped my 5 mins post sex because I wasn't a virgin and I told him I was. I thought I was... I believed I was up until I was in my 40's when that memory came flooding back. When he broke up with me I was barely 16 years old... I was so devastated that I tried to kill myself. Both my parents were taking pills because they were pretty messed up individuals themselves. They both had prescriptions for valium and muscle relaxers. I took all of their pills... 4 bottles. I was locked up in the bathroom writing in my journal when my mom tried to stop me. I ran out of the house and down the street. I got scared so I stuck my thumb out and hitched a ride to the nearest hospital. The last thing I remember of that day was seeing our neighbor... he was the ER doc on duty that day. That day I learned the only person who would ever be there for me... was myself.... I saved myself and I have been doing that ever since.

 

Sorry to hear that glad you have overcame

[major_merrick]

Have any of you chosen bad or abusive partners or maybe shyed away from good guys who treated you well at one point because it felt weird or too normal?

 

 

For me, it was different. I became the abusive partner. Because of my contact with older women, I was much more sexually aggressive with girls my own age. I didn't really learn to deal with that until I hit my 20's. Even when I had a good relationship going, I basically tried to "break" the relationships by behaving badly. I think it was because I didn't trust anybody.

 

By the time I met my GF#1, I figured out I was going to have to play the game differently to keep her. She wasn't going to put up with it. I was also her very first serious partner....and she was 26.

 

My husband has been there for almost all of it. He's watched my failed relationships over and over. He's let me cuddle up to him, cry on him, yell at him, and even beat on him. To my amazement, he's still there and he still loves me.

[beccawife]

I still struggle but am happily married.

It was a long road but it is possible. Contact me for details.

[MeganDoll]

I still struggle but am happily married.

It was a long road but it is possible. Contact me for details.

 

Thanks. I can’t send you a private message for some reason.

[Uncomon]

Please tell Becca wife

[pepperbird]

I'm at the other end. I was adopted, and in the process of looking for my biological family, I found out some very distressing news, along the lines of what you're describing. I have a thread with the details, but won't share them here as I don't want to TJ.

 

I can offer you no advice, as I have none. I did want to thank you though for offering me insight into what my biological mother may have gone through from the time she was just a little girl. I'm trying to be there for her if I can, but as I've only been in contact with her for a few months and have no personal experience in the area, posts/ replies like the ones in this thread are really helpful to me.