Self-esteem issues

[hippychick3]

I’ve been with my partner who is 10 years younger for almost 6 years now. We live 3 hours apart but spend every weekend (Friday through Monday) together. He’s here with me the majority of the time. Our plan is to be in same city and married when my youngest graduates high school in 2 years. The relationship is very good and solid. I have no doubts that he is 100% committed to me and our relationship for the long haul.

 

The problem is me. I have a major health issue that I’ve been able to keep completely under control successfully with a strict diet. But in the last couple months, I’ve had a new issue pop up that may or may not have something to do with my underlying health issue. This new issue has affected me heavily and I’ve broken down in tears over it several times. On top of this, I’ve dealt with a horrendous family issue that has affected my child and has torn apart my family of origin. My partner has been nothing but supportive and loving through all of this. He’s been my rock, and I know I can always depend on him.

 

However, I’m feeling completely undeserving of his love right now. I have NOT told him this, but I seriously wonder why he’s with me given my issues and baggage. These feelings have surfaced in the last month. Up until recently I’ve been very confident in myself, but now I can’t shake the feeling that he deserves better than me.

[preraph]

Your illness has now made you depressed, so you feel worthless. If you haven't already done so, go to the doctor and deal with your newest physical problems. It is hard not to be depressed when challenged with physical problems.

 

But do not let yourself let this affect your relationship. It sounds like you have a good thing going and it also sounds like you will be glad to have a partner when you are not feeling as well and having issues as we all do growing older.

 

It's situational depression, most likely, and it's just making you feel worthless and I'm sure it's harder to get everything done in a day and that's making you feel inadequate as well, but you shouldn't let yourself rationalize that way. Deal with the physical issues as best you can and know you're doing your best and enjoy all the good moments. Do not tell him you feel worthless and put that idea into his head. Tell him your physical problems have you a little down and depressed.

[hippychick3]

Your illness has now made you depressed, so you feel worthless. If you haven't already done so, go to the doctor and deal with your newest physical problems. It is hard not to be depressed when challenged with physical problems.

 

But do not let yourself let this affect your relationship. It sounds like you have a good thing going and it also sounds like you will be glad to have a partner when you are not feeling as well and having issues as we all do growing older.

 

It's situational depression, most likely, and it's just making you feel worthless and I'm sure it's harder to get everything done in a day and that's making you feel inadequate as well, but you shouldn't let yourself rationalize that way. Deal with the physical issues as best you can and know you're doing your best and enjoy all the good moments. Do not tell him you feel worthless and put that idea into his head. Tell him your physical problems have you a little down and depressed.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I did see my doctor when this started and actually have a follow up appt today. I would never let my partner know how worthless and inadequate I feel right now. He’s aware I am down about this but I hold back the extent of my current depressed state. I’m normally a very positive upbeat person and he has always loved that about me. Of course, that makes me feel worse as I’m not feeling positive at all at this time. I’m definitely not myself these days.

[alphamale]

You need to see a psychiatrist as quickly as possible Hippy

[schlumpy]

I had my mettle tested when my wife was diagnosed with MS in 2000. I told her in front of the doctor that she wouldn't have to do this alone. I certainly meant it at the time but I had no real idea what that promise entailed.

 

I saw it as a test of my internal values or of who I thought I was as a human being.

 

I have kept true to those values more or less. When it was less, I had to accept my limitations and find a way around them. It many ways it has been up to now (and I still have much in front of me) a journey of self discovery.

 

It's one thing to espouse lofty ideals about things you have little experience with and another to live up to those same ideals. I have to say I have a more realistic view of who I am today then 20 years ago. Perhaps some of that is just age.

 

You should give your SO the chance to be the man he wants to be and not allow your fears to predict what may be the outcome. You are going to find out sooner or later anyway.

 

 

Best Wishes

[preraph]

I think most people will understand when you get a little depressed and can't be your normal positive self, so don't feel bad about it. If it turns out not much to look forward to because of your physical problems can't be alleviated, then once you've exhausted those possibilities, you might want to get on an antidepressant. But having seen you on here for years, I am just optimistic that you will get better.

[Mr. Lucky]

I’ve been very confident in myself, but now I can’t shake the feeling that he deserves better than me.

 

Have you thought about how unfair this is to him?

 

Had he reacted poorly to the recent happenings in your life, certainly would make sense to look at him critically.

 

But despite answering every bell and completing every step, you're still not giving him what he's worked so hard for - the understanding that he's committed to you, your life together and the future before you.

 

You should give your SO the chance to be the man he wants to be and not allow your fears to predict what may be the outcome.

 

Couldn't have expressed the thought better. Amen...

 

Mr. Lucky

[hippychick3]

Thank you all for the support. My dr appt went well as it turns out this new issue is not related to any underlying health issue and is self-limiting. So it will go away in time.

 

I think in time, things will get better and my situational depression will subside.

[alphamale]

Thank you all for the support. My dr appt went well as it turns out this new issue is not related to any underlying health issue and is self-limiting. So it will go away in time.

 

I think in time, things will get better and my situational depression will subside.

 

good to hear hc3

[preraph]

Thank you all for the support. My dr appt went well as it turns out this new issue is not related to any underlying health issue and is self-limiting. So it will go away in time.

 

I think in time, things will get better and my situational depression will subside.

 

That's excellent news. Now start being kind to yourself until you get back on your feet and stop thinking you're not good enough. Obviously, your man disagrees. You know, lots of men and women like feeling needed and like helping others. Unless driven to extremes, it is fulfilling to them.

[Els]

I think the best thing you can do is to respect his choice (he chose you) and to work on the situational depression as much as you can. IMO, in any good relationship, both people typically feel very lucky to have the partner that they do. The flip side of this is that when we find ourselves in a difficult situation that's "lower" than what we usually are, some of us may feel that the perceived disparity grows larger, with the associated mental somersaults ("now I REALLY don't understand why he/she wants to be with me"). But in reality, it's entirely possible that the partner still thinks they are lucky in general, despite the temporary blip.

 

 

Giving in to the insecurity would be a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I'm glad you're not doing that.

[spiritedaway2003]

 

The problem is me. I have a major health issue that I’ve been able to keep completely under control successfully with a strict diet. But in the last couple months, I’ve had a new issue pop up that may or may not have something to do with my underlying health issue. This new issue has affected me heavily and I’ve broken down in tears over it several times. On top of this, I’ve dealt with a horrendous family issue that has affected my child and has torn apart my family of origin. My partner has been nothing but supportive and loving through all of this. He’s been my rock, and I know I can always depend on him.

 

However, I’m feeling completely undeserving of his love right now. I have NOT told him this, but I seriously wonder why he’s with me given my issues and baggage. These feelings have surfaced in the last month. Up until recently I’ve been very confident in myself, but now I can’t shake the feeling that he deserves better than me.

 

Hey. It's normal to feel the way you do. We all want the best for our respective partners, but life happens. Illnesses happen. That's life. He chose you. Give him his chance to prove that he can be there for you through thick and thin. He deserves that at a minimum.

 

I can see why you would feel undeserving of his love. When you take a hit and feel like crap and you aren't 100% at your best, it gets hard to feel deserving of any love or support that is given to you. It is especially during those lowest moments in life that you really have keep remembering: You're still worth it.

 

I'm glad to hear that the new illness is self limiting. Focus on working on your health issues and getting better so that you could gradually get yourself back to that confident person that you once were.

 

I wish you well, and take care. (((HUGS)))

[hippychick3]

I think the best thing you can do is to respect his choice (he chose you) and to work on the situational depression as much as you can. IMO, in any good relationship, both people typically feel very lucky to have the partner that they do. The flip side of this is that when we find ourselves in a difficult situation that's "lower" than what we usually are, some of us may feel that the perceived disparity grows larger, with the associated mental somersaults ("now I REALLY don't understand why he/she wants to be with me"). But in reality, it's entirely possible that the partner still thinks they are lucky in general, despite the temporary blip.

 

 

Giving in to the insecurity would be a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I'm glad you're not doing that.

 

You hit the nail on the head. You are so right. Thank you so much for your wisdom!

[hippychick3]

Hey. It's normal to feel the way you do. We all want the best for our respective partners, but life happens. Illnesses happen. That's life. He chose you. Give him his chance to prove that he can be there for you through thick and thin. He deserves that at a minimum.

 

I can see why you would feel undeserving of his love. When you take a hit and feel like crap and you aren't 100% at your best, it gets hard to feel deserving of any love or support that is given to you. It is especially during those lowest moments in life that you really have keep remembering: You're still worth it.

 

I'm glad to hear that the new illness is self limiting. Focus on working on your health issues and getting better so that you could gradually get yourself back to that confident person that you once were.

 

I wish you well, and take care. (((HUGS)))

 

Your post made me tear up...in a good way. Thank you so much for your kind words and support.