Being an OW/OM - Effects on your Health

[somanymistakes]

We talk a lot about the 'consequences' - the eventual emotional repercussions of discovery/breakups.

 

But what about the effects on you during the affair?

 

I had terrible insomnia for a long time while I was constantly beating myself up about what we were doing and should be doing, so that part was obviously related to my romantic issues.

 

The doctors were also concerned about my blood pressure being higher than it should be, and kept checking it.

 

After we were finally able to move forward with our relationship, suddenly my blood pressure registers just fine.

 

Has anyone else had physical symptoms related to their romantic stress? Did they fluctuate with good times and bad times?

 

If the affair ended in a breakup, did the symptoms get better or worse, or better only slowly?

 

 

(Please don't lecture anyone about how they should quit, I'm just trying to collect information on health side effects.)

[HowToQuit]

I had elevated levels of anxiety throughout; there were times when I even asked for some anxiety medication. The anxiety was triggered by exMM cancelling plans last minute, unpredictability in communication, high and low, etc.

 

I am in much better space now mentally with NC.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Great thread idea!

 

Yes, I had loads of anxiety too. My blood pressure increased. I gained weight. Eventally I got severely fatigued and depressed from the constant stress (especially after initially cutting contact). One time I cut contact after realizing how it was taking such a toll on my health--I was on vacation at a resort getting a full body massage that hurt like h3ll beecause of how much tension and stress was in my body only due to xMM.

 

There were plenty of financial consequences too: not handling my business effectively because of stress/distraction, missed deadlines, money spent on activities trying to soothe myself, opportunities missed from being depressed over xMM.

 

In summary, there were plenty plenty plenty of lemons! The lemonade is at the end it forced me to do a ton of mental and emotional housekeeping. Now I'm focused on tackling any huge 'projects' in my life that I previously put off. I'm laser foocused on doing whatever it takes to live my best life, and no longer will invest myself in people or situations that do not make me a happier, healthier, better version of myself. I am even quicker to let go of stuff, people, and situations that will not serve my best interest!

 

Anything less is not worth the price!!

Edited July 29, 2019 by HadMeOverABarrel

[imsosad]

Great post.

During my affair I suffered insomnia for weeks and months, due to stress and guilt.

I lost weight because I was too restless to eat, and constantly nauseaus.

I stopped my fitness routine, as I was too distracted to complete a work out.

I am usually the wholesome type, but during my affair I smoked regularly, after quitting more than a decade beforehand. It was the only thing that relieved some of the stress.

I generally drink very moderately on social occasions ir a nice dinner. During the affair, I drank much more. Never as excessive as getting drunk, but way more than my normal behavior.

I would burst in to tears often, simply from being overwhelmed by everything that was going on.

It was an awful time.

Tldr- Insomnia, loss of appetite, fatigue, smoking, drinking, mood swings.

[mark clemson]

I had insomnia as well and mood swings. This was due to limerence, which is considered an altered state of consciousness. I was quite moody and sometimes do thing like wake up at 2 am and start thinking about AP and crying (and not fall back asleep). I definitely sleep better now that it is over.

 

That said, the overall impact on my health was pretty limited IMO. Of course in my case it was an EA only and really only lasted about a year. If we had been meeting up for PA and it had been ongoing for multiple years, I imagine my anxiety and the other psychological impacts would have been significantly greater.

[InvisibleLady]

During the A I had anxiety and got VERY moody when I didn't hear from xMM at the expected times. With both of us being married we had our set times when we could text and we both had our lives, families and jobs. We were long distance so no anxiety around not seeing him, that was normal and didn't happen often. I was always preoccupied and distracted though, thinking of him or texting with him. Hard time concentrating on anything else in my life, sadly.

 

With a sudden unexpected ending to the A, that's when my physical health suffered. I stopped eating and stopped sleeping. Lost some hair due to malnutrition. Stopped working out. Stopped doing things I enjoyed. That lasted for so long it seems like..... He isn't worth any of that.

 

I eat normally now, but I am still 26 lbs less than when I last saw him, went from a size 10 to a size 4. But I work out again, so I am healthy and in much better physical shape. I got a tummy tuck to boost my self esteem (since I'm not having anymore kids) and lots of new clothes.

 

If I allow myself to overthink, even now, I can still sometimes feel depressed over the whole thing. But I think I did that to myself by re-engaging recently. I just want to get to a mentally healthy place where this whole nightmare is behind me!

Edited July 29, 2019 by InvisibleLady

[Bittersweetie]

I actually asked Autumnmoon about this in her thread last week. I personally don't remember any health aspects during my affair, but I can imagine there must be some kind of consequence from living at a high level of stress for a longer period of time. It's like one is living in a constant state of "fight or flight," especially if there's a risk of discovery. That can't be a good thing on one's body, even more so if it's gone on for years.

[Abetterme]

I experienced a lot of side effects. Many of those mentioned above. I wouldn’t sleep for a week at a time until I absolutely collapsed, rinse and repeat. I was distracted and disconnected. Lost a lot of hair due to stress. I think it certainly effected my work life. At one point I felt like I was in a constant state of jitter, like what you get when you have too much caffeine. I was also extremely moody. I can only imagine the long-term effects that the amount of stress I put on my body will have.

[Prudence V]

 

Has anyone else had physical symptoms

 

My physical symptoms were positive. I used to work almost to the exclusion of all else before the A; the A got me to take better care of myself, eat better, sleep better, spend more quality time with my kids. I think when you’re in love it does just have a way of flowing out of you. I was a much nicer person at work, too because I was more focused on people and not just on outcomes.

 

But better work:life balance, less stress, more kind of stopping to smell the roses and less being in a rush from one place to the next.

[eastdean]

During my A's I was moody, cranky, distant, difficult, just a jerk. I knew it at some level, but the power of the cake overwhelmed the rest. Until things blew up. Life is better now.

[Maria1956]

Smoking when I had quit 10 years previously, drinking too much, constant sore throat weirdly, weight loss and insomnia.

[spiritedaway2003]

Physical health problems?

 

Honestly, not much during the A aside from some restless nights trying to figure things out, fatigue from some of the high-and lows. But that's because the actual A was short-lived. I felt happier, lighter whenever I saw him, but I was always happy to see him even before the A (no major mood changes).

 

After: More sadness. Anxiety (hard time breathing), emotional issues (crying, episodes of bursting into tears). Heartbreak. Distracted. Obsessive thoughts. I had a healthy sense of self-esteem and no real baggage prior to the A, so I think that helped. I've been taking this heartbreak especially hard (I really loved him) so I'm working through some things in IC. It hadn't been easy, but I like to confront those issues for my own long term well-being (and if I want to have a chance to move into healthier relationships in the future).

[skywriter]

7 years out now! I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed antidepressants during the A.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

7 years out now! I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed antidepressants during the A.

 

Did you eventually overcome your depression? Did you get off the meds? How long did it take?

 

I ask because I have low grade depression that is residual from A, and I would like to fully get back to my awesome, empowered pre-A self ASAP!

[skywriter]

HadMeOverABarrel,

 

I stayed on the antidepressants for three or four months and decided to get myself together on my own and not with antidepressants. They did help though.

 

So I excercised everyday, got better rest at night, from the excercise, watching my food choices and eventually getting myself out the web of deceit i allowed myself to be involved in.

 

For me that was the defining remedy, if you will, an overall life changing improvement.

 

This is only my testament. I understand, everyone has their own way of dealing, with their experiences.

 

I truly wish you the best, you have to love yourself more . I believe I relinquished my empowered self and didn't love myself for nearly six years in the A. It did a lot of damage during those years. My gall bladder was removed, my immune system was the worst in my life, no exaggerating.

 

It was a culmination of what I was doing to cope with my emotions and being in an A.

Edited July 31, 2019 by skywriter

[Mycatsnuggles]

Pinched nerve in my back from the muscle knots, has lead to numbness in my fingers. The stress of holding my emotions and thoughts inside. Never really correlated the two, but the time frame is right.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

After reading this thread, consider joining in on what's proposed at: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/687705-breakup-fitness-motivation

 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

@skywriter, I think you have proposed the perfect antidote. Every single thing you wrote is on point. It absolutely is all about ending self-deception, taking a personal inventory, holding oneself accountable, and then taking charge by actively making real changes that make us a better version of ourselves!

[LIRR88]

I had terrible insomnia during the A, i’d wake up in the middle of the night and just think about him for hours. Once he broke it off I started sleeping again. At the same time I stopped eating for weeks, I would literally force myself to take a few bites of food, I just couldn’t stomach anything through all the depression, I lost 20 pounds and everyone thought I’d been “exercising”. Only my closest friends knew the truth.

[Beentheretoooften]

Responding everywhere tonight. Mm here. During A I was happy, healthy, slept great, was great at home. After breakup, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think. 6 months out now, a little happier. Probably as healthy. Sleep is still hit or miss. Struggled at home at first, getting a little better now. Lost 10 pounds I didn’t have to lose at first, but have put most back on. Was def happier in A. But who isn’t. Still crave. Still sad. But I’m trying

[anika99]

Responding everywhere tonight. Mm here. During A I was happy, healthy, slept great, was great at home.

 

Well that certainly illustrates the difference between the OW and the cheating MM. The OW suffers during the affair while the MM is as happy as a pig in sh*t. He's thrilled that he gets to be married and have his chick on the side while the OW finds his married life agonizingly painful. She fantasizes that the MM is miserable at home and pining for her every second they are apart just like she pines for him. Meanwhile the MM is perfectly content spending time at home with his family knowing that his OW will be there when he feels like seeing her. Take heed.

[Lov3foo1]

I slept poorly during the A. I'd keep waking up in the middle of the night. My xMM did too, I know this because he'd message me at random hours at night.

 

I had episodes where breathing was physically painful after the A was over, from missing him...I also became prone to feeling ill - fever, fatigue, headaches, etc.

 

I could be naive in thinking this, but I believe xMM's health was also affected after the A. He texted me out of the blue at 3am one time saying how he woke up thinking about me and that he hoped all is well with me, then a few minutes later he texted again saying "sorry please ignore me". He didn't come into work the next day; I doubt he slept much that night. Then not long after that he went missing from the office for a week, which I learned later it was because he was out sick.