Author LilySun Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 So was this "break-up" really just an attempt to make him work harder at the relationship? To get him to snap to attention and do what you Not my intention. And he didn't do anything that qualified as working harder he just said he understands and that I deserve the best. I still consider it over right now and he isn't begging me or trying to talk to me out of it or anything. He has always just gone with whatever I want. With each day I feel better about it but I will always wonder if I made the right choice either way I go. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Not my intention. And he didn't do anything that qualified as working harder he just said he understands and that I deserve the best. Did he not know this before? I don't really understand this part. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Yeah , sounds like you wanted lots of fuss and tears and please don't goes. But you said what you wanted to say didn't you , and you've ended it , right? So really , you shouldn't complain because this stuff is usually much much harder so really you got off very lightly tbh. l believe he probably did have something big going on but l'd also be thinking he wasn't too bothered or into you two as much as you thought either. Anyway , your free . Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 The game playing that goes on is why I can't do long distant relationships. Lily, I feel bad for this guy because you clearly are manipulating him -- or trying to. It's super disrespectful the way you texted him to break up with him, after you spent a month together being intimate. That's low. A phone call to discuss your true feelings of how you struggle being so far apart, would have been the best choice to address your anxiety about being so far apart. I understand his response to your text-break-up and I empathize with him because you devalued the relationship and him as your boyfriend, by refusing to call him but text him instead. And you're mad because you can't control his response or behavior. Sorry to say, but you can't control anyone except yourself. You tried to bluff him, so he called your bluff, which got you upset, so now you try to keep him on the emotional hook with the friendship olive branch. Whatever happened to people calling each other? All this texting seems like game playing to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 He is willing to just be whatever I want him to be, Except closer . . . End this once and for all. Nothing is going to change. The distance is wearing on you. Neither of you has mentioned moving closer. This is a dance and both parties have two left feet. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 If he currently has an ongoing crisis, it's just best to deal with one thing at a time. Some people just don't like being overwhelmed. He'll contact you when he feels he can if he hasn't already. And should he not, just move on the absolute best you can. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 What do you want him to say? I don't get why most women feel this need to drag out a break up. You told you don't love him in a romantic way and you see no hope for repairing things. When someone breaks up, they are removing the opportunity for the person to participate in the decision. My guess is he does not want to go back and forth with you as it's pointless. So, it's an easy way to start the moving on process for him. He has a legit reason to not have to go back and forth and drag things out. Very similar to how you texted instead of calling. Taking the easy way out to move on. Ultimately, it doesn't matter anymore. You ended things and you got out of it without any kind of back and forth. That's the best you can expect. And you can't be friends, that's just something people say to come across as nice and trying to be kind to the person you broke up with. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 I have had reasons to end my LDR for awhile We had just spent a whole month together. Hmm, so you faked it while you were spending the month together? Because "a while" to me means several weeks or months. Not days. I made it [the breakup] as loving as possible and left friendship open. I said it breaks my heart but it's just something I have to do. His response? (Few hrs later)....he has a life crisis that has come to surface and he won't be able to contact me until he deals with it, etc. What is this? My friends say he just wants me to feel sorry for him and reconsider...or for some reason he is just trying to delay this conversation. But why? I told him to say he feels, if he'd like to. He had that opportunity. You can choose breakup method, you can choose the words, you can choose the setting and the timing, but you can't choose his reaction to it. As simple as that. You have no place to feel puzzled at his reaction after dumping him. He could completely ignore you and you couldn't expect anything from him. This is the reality. why this is all he has to say when I am trying to end this, he knows I love him and he is not even commenting on everything I said. ? Again, why should he comment? Why bother with "exit strategy " if I already said it should be over? It's funny that you're talking about strategy, when the only one having a strategy here is you. Wouldn't it be easier to just agree and that's it? So, you want to break up... but you presented the breakup to him as a question where he has to decide about your future? Why don't you have the guts to dump him and want him to do it? If he was looking for an out I gave it to him, so why need a strategy? What you gave him is the responsibility to end the relationship, which is something you were not willing to take. I love him too much and the distance thing is just too hard for me anymore. It was too painful to see him leave. But we had a friendship already before the intimacy. So I said all this in the text and said we can easily resume that friendship. Why not just say he understands and agrees. Or that he needs to take some time and get back to me? Didn't he do precisely that? Anyway, why can't you move to him, if you love him so much? I feel like it's an odd response to disregard my feelings completely Funny. Wasn't it odd to break up with him saying you love him too much? You live in open contradiction. Get yourself together. People who really want something work hard for it, they don't look for a way out. What's your excuse? Probably he's not worth the hassle. You didn't say it, but that's what I understand from this all. Or you would have done something to make it work. I heard from him today. [...] he told me that I deserve to be happy and he loves me, etc. He thought I was saying he doesn't make me happy, which is not actually true, I just have emotions over weather or not this can keep working, because of distance. The closer we get emotionally the harder distance has become for me. I guess deep down I don't want it to end We could tell... at least you admitted to it. Ask yourself if removing the distance factor, everything would be good. If you see yourself with him long-term. Then decide what to do. But don't leave this responsibility on him. Remember you said you had reasonS. Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 As the OP hasn't logged in for over a month we'll close this one up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts