mmx Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 I am in my mid 20’s and my guy friend is in his mid 20’s too. I think I like him. The first time I met him was about a year ½ ago at a friend’s party. My friend had asked me afterwards if I liked him, and said that she would set us up. I said no that I wasn’t attracted to him. Time has passed and I things have changed, and I’ve realized that I like him. It started out that I liked him more once we’d been drinking, and now he has grown on me and I just genuinely like him. He has had a girlfriend for about a year now, and I really like her. Although, he has said multiple times that they both agreed it won’t end in marriage. They are just having fun. I don’t know what to do? I don’t want it to possibly ruin my friend group or mess anything up. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 I think you should back off and do no pursuit (drunken or otherwise). He has a girlfriend and whether or not they take their relationship to marriage has nothing to do with it. He is not single to be with you so don't send yourself down a slippery slope of getting with a guy that would cheat on his girlfriend just because the opportunity presents itself. When/if he breaks up with her... well, you go girl. Until then, keep it real and keep away. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 Did you start liking him one he got a girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmx Posted July 30, 2019 Author Share Posted July 30, 2019 I think I really just started liking him and he has had the gf for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 What do I do? When the two of you have a private 2 minutes alone -- but do not go out of your way to set this up -- ask him along the lines of, "Here's a hypothetical for you: if someone was interested in you but totally did not want to ruin your present relationship or cause any weird or resentful feelings amongst your current group of friends, would you want her to say anything to you, and, if so, how would you want her to go about it?" His answer will tell you everything that you need to know, and more; and then just proceed based on the fact that you have done your best to totally inform yourself... ...but just make very sure that you don't read into his words stuff that isn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression that you see this guy as a potential father of your children. Problem is you are all friends (at least on the outside) and that makes for bitter enemies when love comes knocking. I think you should have a girl talk with his girlfriend about how deep their relationship is. He may say it's just fun and she may say it's just fun when he is within earshot but it may be a different story when she is alone with you. You owe it to yourself to understand the depth of their relationship because it's possible you could break up their good relationship and then fail at your own attempt to connect. You will then be left with much less then when you started. If she assures you it's just casual then I think its fair for you to let your interest be known. How you wish to do that is up to you. Losing love interests and good friends is always emotionally upsetting. No way around that. Just don't kick them when they are down and leave a pathway open so they can return if they wish. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 mmx if you are such good friends with this guy, why not just TELL HIM that you have feelings for him. Worst case scenario: he tells you that he's flattered but he only feels a platonic attraction/friendship with you. Best case scenario: he confesses that he's grown attracted to you and now needs to sort out how to break-up with his "only for fun not marriage" girlfriend. Yes, you risk having your feelings hurt by telling your male friend that you are attracted to him if he doesn't feel the same way. But, what other choice do you have? Keep it to yourself? If you do, you will let it eat away at you which will affect the quality of your friendship with him -- he'll think you're acting weird all of the sudden bc you've changed around him and he doesn't know the real reason why. Sometimes just telling the truth is the best option, regardless of the consequences. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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