shydad Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Hi all! For those users who are married, how many different people have you dated before you found your sweetie? Where I'm going with this is, some people date a LOT of people (even over one hundred different people). I'm curious if this ever leads to a marriage, or if it's a cycle with no apparent end. I'm guessing that for the average married person, they probably dated ten or less people, but that's just a wild guess. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I dated/had relationships with three people before I married first husband. Second marriage was the second guy I dated after I left first husband. If you want to include casual sex, the number would increase a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 OP's post in fishing: how many trout do you have to catch before you land a lunker? Like mount on the wall size? Answer: it depends on four things: 1. Where you are fishing 2. How good of a fisherman are you 3. Your definition of a lunker 4. Luck 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 1. Where you are fishing Like to think were I single today, wouldn’t spend a moment on OLD. It’s a flawed approach... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 14 with 7 of them being longer R's (1 year +/- a few months). A few ONS/short flings in addition to the 14. It did give me some sense of standards/comparison by which to evaluate the woman I eventually married. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I had quite a few dates, a first wife, some casual arrangements and then my current wife who I hope to spend my life with. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 At 48 I've only dated eight people, five of whom I had sex with. Three of them were longer relationships, with two of them leading to marriage. Of which my second marriage has reached 20 years, with us being together for 23 years so far. I've also had circa 20 other sexual partners, with the majority of them being casual partners through meeting them at parties, pubs, clubs etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Mrin, OP's post in fishing: how many trout do you have to catch before you land a lunker? Like mount on the wall size? Answer: it depends on four things: 1. Where you are fishing 2. How good of a fisherman are you 3. Your definition of a lunker 4. Luck That about sums it up...... Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I had a small handful of "internet boyfriends" (pretty innocent - guys I talked to on IRC/AIM all day, and daydreamed about maybe actually meeting someday, and sometimes mailed them letters and cookies) in my teen years if those count for anything. (and I actually did meet a couple of them eventually - but well after the teen romance had worn off, they were just friends at that point... and one eventually decided/realized that he was a she.) But in terms of actual real life dating... I think I went on something that could be construed as a "first date" with three guys (two from church, one from college, and no second date with any of them) before I got together with my first husband (also first sexual partner, if that's relevant). Then I had one rebound (6 months, someone I already knew) and one serious relationship (2ish years, again someone I already knew) between my divorce and getting together with my fiancé - who is someone I met through my social/work circles. Additional sexual partners were acquired in my first marriage and in my relationship with my last boyfriend, but you can kinda tell that variety is not what I'm into if you look at the numbers from when I was single - or even from when I was in an ostensibly poly/open relationship with someone who didn't actively encourage me to go out and partake (the rebound - worst thing was that there was very little sex even though we lived together, and even though they didn't really WANT me to have sex with other people they'd throw it in my face like the obvious solution if I asked for too much of their sexual attention, kinda like they assumed I already WAS and so I had no right to complain - when I actually NEVER did, because I simply had no reason to want to if they weren't into that). They say variety is the spice of life. Now, I like my food spicy - but if I'M placing the order, I'll take my LIFE nice and bland. I will say that modern dating is built on the same platform as swinging and other alternative lifestyles. I've seen it with me own eyes, I tells ye. It is in no way built to foster lasting relationships. It's built around the premise of maximum gratification for minimal investment. That's an attitude which, when bought into wholesale by both genders, puts men and women at war with each other when they stumble out of the casino-esque blur of stimulation that is hookup culture and anywhere near something resembling an ongoing romantic relationship. People who get off on placing wagers with their genitals usually don't want to stop doing that for anything less than a jackpot partner - because they're convinced they will eventually get one. They do not comprehend the economic realities of their position. Not that I think folks who have dated around a lot or experienced a lot of variety can't get married and settle down quite happily - but I think it does require a shift in gears and approach - away from quantity and variety, away from trying to get the most bang for your buck, and toward actually wanting something that lasts. A lot of people say they want that - but it only sounds honest to you because they've been lying to themselves about it since before you came along. If you watch what most people DO in the modern dating setting, it's obvious. Online dating especially is a modern tragedy. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Hi all! For those users who are married, how many different people have you dated before you found your sweetie? I had two ex-boyfriends before I met H. I don't think I've ever "dated" in the sense that people describe, of just meeting a virtual stranger on a "date". All of my relationships started as friends, so if I accepted a "date" from them, I already knew that I liked them romantically and wanted to try for a relationship. I don't think the number is necessarily indicative of anything, be it big or small. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 At least 30 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) Hi all! For those users who are married, how many different people have you dated before you found your sweetie? I was over 40 when I married. I dated a LOT of boys in college. So many I don't even remember. But in the 20 years between grad school & meeting my husband including a 10 year period where I lived with somebody I'd say I dated about 20 different men but some were only 1-2 dates. On what do you base the idea that people dated less than 10 people before they married? I probably dated at least 10 boys my freshman year of college if not more. I think my husband maybe dated about 6-10 women. I know about 3 old dates & an almost fiancé. But he went 10 years between not asking her to marry him & his next date. Edited July 31, 2019 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 People who get off on placing wagers with their genitals usually don't want to stop doing that for anything less than a jackpot partner - because they're convinced they will eventually get one. They do not comprehend the economic realities of their position. Not that I think folks who have dated around a lot or experienced a lot of variety can't get married and settle down quite happily - but I think it does require a shift in gears and approach - away from quantity and variety, away from trying to get the most bang for your buck, and toward actually wanting something that lasts. A lot of people say they want that - but it only sounds honest to you because they've been lying to themselves about it since before you came along. If you watch what most people DO in the modern dating setting, it's obvious. An interesting point, KT and I think you're probably on to something. I read about a study that concluded that "settling" (or at least what many people feel is settling) is how the majority of marriages and kids actually get accomplished in current US culture. So it's once they stop gambling that they actually settle down and make a life with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 People who get off on placing wagers with their genitals usually don't want to stop doing that for anything less than a jackpot partner - because they're convinced they will eventually get one. They do not comprehend the economic realities of their position. Not that I think folks who have dated around a lot or experienced a lot of variety can't get married and settle down quite happily - but I think it does require a shift in gears and approach - away from quantity and variety, away from trying to get the most bang for your buck, and toward actually wanting something that lasts. A lot of people say they want that - but it only sounds honest to you because they've been lying to themselves about it since before you came along.. There is a difference between going on a few dates & having sex. The question posed by the OP was how many dates did people go on . Like I said I went on a LOT of dates in college. I was the kid in the candy store, & truly believed that variety was the spice of life. I loved the chase. Once the guy was hooked, liked me back & wanted a relationship I bolted. I had zero interest in being tied down. Dating & kissing a lot of boys hardly made me promiscuous. A relationship where you really know the other person, what makes them tick, how to turn them on & keep them aroused is so much better then fumbling around trying to figure that out. Life is not the movies where the 1st few times together rock the world. You haven't even found each other's buttons. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 About 50 different women after my divorce. Most didn't past the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 I'm curious if this ever leads to a marriage, or if it's a cycle with no apparent end. There is in your question a suggestion that dating lots of people = not able to commit. That's not the case at all. First of all, some of this is random--how many people you date and sleep with before you get married. By random, I mean literally you cannot tell very much about the individual by hearing of their dating history. Some people can date a lot of different people and treasure marriage and commitment to one person all the more. On the other hand, just dating few people doesn't necessarily mean anything. For one, some people "settle." They marry someone they're really not that into ... and doing that (marrying someone just because they're available and not awful) MIGHT have worked A LITTLE bit in the old days, but these days ... marrying someone you are not nuts-crazy about in a good way ... is just asking for trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shydad Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 There is in your question a suggestion that dating lots of people = not able to commit. Hi Lotsgoingon, no, that is not what I'm suggesting. I am simply curious and am not passing judgement on anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 “Dated” is a relative term - does that mean short term relationship? Or does a single date count? Before marriage I: Probably had well over 30 first dates. Slept with around a dozen. Had a handful of relationships that lasted months. Had 2 relationships that lasted over 2 years. Said “I love you” to one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Hi all! For those users who are married, how many different people have you dated before you found your sweetie? Where I'm going with this is, some people date a LOT of people (even over one hundred different people). I'm curious if this ever leads to a marriage, or if it's a cycle with no apparent end. I'm guessing that for the average married person, they probably dated ten or less people, but that's just a wild guess. Thank you! I think you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
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