Arieswoman Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Unless regular office wear is sending a weird message now... I really don't know what else to say. Maybe this has something to do with the 'hook-up' culture I keep hearing about nowadays? What age-group are you? - Sorry if you have said this and I missed it.... Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 (edited) IME, its really pretty simple when it comes to this....And this has nothing to do with how they may act in a committed relationship, what their general demeanor may be and nothing to do with how they dress, how attractive, or anything else, but just how they generally carry themselves and act around men they haven't already established a relationship with-either romantic or not..... They usually fall into three categories...Red, yellow or green... There are drop dead knockout women that may even dress to accentuate their assets, yet if they are of the "red light" variety then they will normally not get unwanted attention, advances or even propositions like the OP had..These women generally wont have many or may have no male "orbiters" as they understand how that game works and don't want it around them..If guys start talking suggestive around them, they knock their dicks in immediately... There are also green light women that can be fat/ugly/etc. yet get plenty of male attention as they give off a certain vibe that indicates they are receptive to male attention and normally welcome it... The yellow light types are just somewhere in between...May not generally be receptive, but get the occasional inappropriate advance or unwanted attention...I guess these types are just harder for the majority of guys to read, so some will inevitably take a shot...Or they just may not realize that there are certain cues they are putting out that these guys are picking up on...An example may be the type that would get into a car alone with a strange guy or even just engage in conversation with guys on the street...These women may be thinking "what's the problem?", but what they don't realize is that the innocent small talk they may have with the guy at the gym or in the coffee shop is sending him a signal...Not all guys respond that way, but a lot do...."Red light" women avoid those situations entirely usually... As for the OP, if its happening frequently, it may be something about the way you are carrying yourself...I know it sounds like "victim blaming" here, and I am not saying these guys are right or wrong because I don't know what happened up to that point, but just be aware that there are women out there that can go about their entire lives, yet that type of thing practically never happens to them... TFY Edited August 2, 2019 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
guy45 Posted August 9, 2019 Share Posted August 9, 2019 Maybe your dating the wrong kind of men Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 (edited) No one should expect sex on a first or second date but, IME, it is becoming more and more a part of "OLD culture". Here's a story that illustrates this fact: I started messaging with a woman via Match on a Monday evening and we made plans to meet for dinner on Saturday. Conversation started off as flirty, progressed to sexual innuendoes and ended up with her sending me some racy pics of her in her underwear (unsolicited). We talked over the phone twice and the sexual innuendoes flowed freely. At the time, I had hit a dry spell and hadn't had sex in about six months. I'm not big on sex early on but she's a beautiful redhead (I've got a thing for gingers) and I decided to forgo my first-date abstinence if things got hot n' heavy. So, I brought a condom with me, just in case. Dinner went well and we decided to go to a movie as we were having fun. We kissed in the movie theater (she initiated it), cuddled and lets just say things pushed the boundaries of "public appropriate". I basically felt like a teenager in the back of a movie theater with a girlfriend; it was fun. We didn't want to call it a night so we stopped, grabbed some ice cream and went to a park. Long story short, we finished our ice cream and ended up in the back seat of her car and things went from PG-13 to R in a hurry. She asked me if I had a condom and I told her that I did. When I pulled out the condom, she pumped the brakes on all of it and stated that she had a fun night but that she thought sex would "cheapen" the date. I told her I understood, we backed off completely, listened to music in the car for awhile, chatted and the went our separate ways. The next day, she was really stand-offish in her texts. I asked her if anything was wrong and she stated that she it bothered her that I brought a condom to a first date. She stated she felt like I was expecting to get laid and she didn't like that. I tried to explain to her that I certainly didn't expect it but with the way our conversations had gone, I wanted to be prepared if she wanted to have sex. But she wouldn't have any of it and ghosted me completely. Now, this doesn't excuse the guys that are boorish or pushy about sex on first dates. Again, it isn't something that they should ever expect, demand, or get pouty about when it doesn't happen. That's just pathetic. But, the story that I illustrated above isn't an isolated incident for me when it comes to OLD dates. About half of those dates get physically intimate in a hurry and not because I'm pushy about it. I'm the kind of guy that's happy to hold hands and get a good night kiss. RL dates rarely pan out this way; they're far more "traditional" and laid back. Edited August 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Lance01 Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 (edited) More of a rant..... I just need to vent. I've been on so many first dates, and so many men want to have sex the first day we meet. I am meeting these guys online and so many of them r surprised I won't go home with them the day of. You failed to explain why dating for women is so dangerous. Edited August 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lance01 Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 I completely agree. I used to laugh because these guys didn’t even have the social awareness to know that they should at least try to hide the fact that they were looking for sex. They tended to reveal themselves early, and I was always grateful for that. Best that they disqualify themselves early, before I invested too much time or was disappointed. And this is why men and women clash. Women want men to invest their time and resources into them without having sex for as long as possible, or even never, and a man is trying to have sex as soon as possible with a woman all while putting out the least amount of resources and effort. Nobody is right or wrong. People need to just find their equal which is hard to do. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_ybor Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 And this is why men and women clash. Women want men to invest their time and resources into them without having sex for as long as possible, or even never, and a man is trying to have sex as soon as possible with a woman all while putting out the least amount of resources and effort. Sweet catch-all sexism there, bro. As a guy who's not interested in getting women to put out ASAP, or women looking for my "resources", I find your perspective outdated and sad. You failed to explain why dating for women is so dangerous. Rape-y *******s. They're out there. I know a number of women who've encountered them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Guys want sex first, and figure everything else out later for the most part. Asking for sex on a first date is no longer taboo. Society tells men that women want sex as much as they do, so this is the obvious conclusion. It should be obvious as to why dating is more dangerous for women. Not every man cares that a woman says no.Many men view being alone with them as meaning sex is on the table. Sexual assault is very underreported. A lot of times men see what they want to see. One guy though I was dressing sexy for him bc I wore athletic shorts outside with a heat index of 90°. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 This is key. Women don't seem to want the guys who don't push for sex because they usually aren't the hot boys. Some women want fire and when you play with it you get burned. Are you saying that less attractive guys don't or wouldn't push for sex? That's not been my experience by a long shot. Most men want the sex asap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 It's not entirely about looks. Male players tend to give off a certain kind of energy that some women are drawn to like a moth to a flame. I am not one of those guys that judges women for enjoying sex and I don't believe in double standards but I roll my eyes when they play the victim and get bitter after it isn't the liberating and empowering experience they thought it would be. Choose whatever path you like in life but be an adult and realize that you chose that path and don't blame others. Rape and assault are an entirely different and are entirely the fault of the rapists and assaulters. No woman should ever be blamed for that but consensual sex even on the first date is the responsibility of both parties. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Most men want the sex asap. IMO, this is an over generalization. There are plenty of men out there that are more than happy to wait on sex. But, I think that this is another issue born from OLD; it's a small sample of the population that has become hyper-sexualized. But, it wouldn't be that way if those guys weren't getting laid via OLD. I have several male acquaintances who use OLD and consistently get have sex of some kind on the first or second date. They're not rapists; they're having consensual sex with the women they meet. For every guy that complains about not having success with OLD, there's another that's completely content as they're having sex consistently. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 It's not entirely about looks. Male players tend to give off a certain kind of energy that some women are drawn to like a moth to a flame. I am not one of those guys that judges women for enjoying sex and I don't believe in double standards but I roll my eyes when they play the victim and get bitter after it isn't the liberating and empowering experience they thought it would be. Choose whatever path you like in life but be an adult and realize that you chose that path and don't blame others. Rape and assault are an entirely different and are entirely the fault of the rapists and assaulters. No woman should ever be blamed for that but consensual sex even on the first date is the responsibility of both parties. I disagree,it's not just male players, not by a long shot. I just accepted that's what most men will do. I do think some women overestimated how much fun it would be to be humped and dumped. I think still others have sex in hopes of having a relationship. If a woman isn't cool with not ever seeing a man again, she shouldn't have sex early on. Nowadays it's taboo to say Men and women as a group have differences. The danger starts if a woman goes to a man's place for sex (or misunderstanding sexual euphemisms) then refuses sex. I'm glad I don't date anymore. If a guy wants to get with me, he needs to have something else besides salami. Asking for sex on the first date is trite, lazy, and boring, and most men I don't desire in that way anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Are you saying that less attractive guys don't or wouldn't push for sex? That's not been my experience by a long shot. Most men want the sex asap. No, I said "hot" which doesn't necessarily have to do with looks when it comes to men. It's an certain energy that they exude that turns women on. I've met plenty of good looking guys who weren't necessarily sexy in my opinion. The guys I'm talking about don't have to do much pushing to get laid. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I suspect this comes down to a combination of body language and social fluency (supported by decent looks/nice clothes). Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 And that's a result of having genuine inner confidence (or possibly the acting ability to fake it really well). Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 As to the original question, some men just can't put themselves in another's shoes and only give lip service to caring about the needs or feelings of others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 No, I said "hot" which doesn't necessarily have to do with looks when it comes to men. It's an certain energy that they exude that turns women on. I've met plenty of good looking guys who weren't necessarily sexy in my opinion. The guys I'm talking about don't have to do much pushing to get laid. I still disagree with that. Average guys do it as well. I've had guys not charismatic at all go for it quickly. While I don't deny the men you speak of exist, the behavior in question is not limited to them by any means. That's from 10 plus years of dating men and giving many types of men a chance. In my experience, most men will push for it whether they're hot, socially awkward, or not. The kind of man who doesn't push is extremely religious. Not the one who goes to church on Sunday then some the rest of the week. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 I still disagree with that. Average guys do it as well. I've had guys not charismatic at all go for it quickly. While I don't deny the men you speak of exist, the behavior in question is not limited to them by any means. That's from 10 plus years of dating men and giving many types of men a chance. In my experience, most men will push for it whether they're hot, socially awkward, or not. The kind of man who doesn't push is extremely religious. Not the one who goes to church on Sunday then some the rest of the week. As a man who dates women I can't comment on what most guys do, but what you say lines up with what I have heard from female friends. I will say that I never "push" yet early on sex for me has happened often, although that is never the goal. I do make the first move with a kiss as soon as I feel it from her as well, and will escalate with her, but never ever "push" for sex. In fact I will pull back sometimes and then feel the need to explain. Why? Because of the conception that if I don't want to get in woman's pants right away I've got some hang up or don't find her attractive. My approach has nothing to do with religious beliefs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 In fact I will pull back sometimes and then feel the need to explain. Why? Because of the conception that if I don't want to get in woman's pants right away I've got some hang up or don't find her attractive. My approach has nothing to do with religious beliefs. I have found this as well. I move slowly when it comes to sex for a number of reasons. The last woman I dated became self-conscious about it, even after I calmly and rationally explained to her why I wanted to hold off on sleeping together. It almost turned into a fight on our fourth date when things got hot n' heavy and she had bought condoms. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 (edited) I have found this as well. I move slowly when it comes to sex for a number of reasons. The last woman I dated became self-conscious about it, even after I calmly and rationally explained to her why I wanted to hold off on sleeping together. It almost turned into a fight on our fourth date when things got hot n' heavy and she had bought condoms. Well when I say pull back I mean until date 3 or after. So not sure if I am slow, as much as will slow it down. I won't even kiss on a date unless I feel connected to her (well except once) even if being given all the signs, even if she is hot. It's taken me a while to get to this point. It may be I'm really picky in that if I don't feel a strong connection by date 2, there's no date 3. So if I get to a date 3 or 4 it means I'm really totally into what I know about her. I'm willing to wait until I meet that person who thrills me so, has worked out fairly well so far. Edited August 14, 2019 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
MysteryLuvsCompany8 Posted September 7, 2019 Share Posted September 7, 2019 Because, a woman shouldn’t have to communicate to a man who she does not know that she does not want to have sex on the first meeting (particularly if they “met” online). It should be common sense. It should be implied... I’m with you Crunchy. There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date, if both people are so inclined. I personally could never do it. I mean, you don’t know anything about this man - you don’t know if he is trustworthy, you don’t know if you are safe... It’s much better to be safe than sorry. Besides, that’s half the fun of dating... Why rush the process when you can let the sexual tension and excitement build naturally is beyond me... the anticipation is the best part. I 100% concur with your statement. I, myself thought it should be common sense not to expect sex on the 1st date.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mr_ybor Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 IMO, this is an over generalization. There are plenty of men out there that are more than happy to wait on sex. Indeed. I've had enough sex to last three lifetimes. I'm just looking for a great confidant. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 IMO, this is an over generalization. There are plenty of men out there that are more than happy to wait on sex. But are there though? You may be perfectly happy to wait, but you are not all men. The women at the coal face of dating, are telling a different story. Also I think there is a mismatch in perception. Men are "waiting", "going slow", "taking it easy" by not expecting sex until date 3. Women often think men are "pushing" for sex on date 3. Date 3 can be too early. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I 100% concur with your statement. I, myself thought it should be common sense not to expect sex on the 1st date.... I think the issue is women espouse that their sex drive is just like a man's. Men have soaked up the message that women want sex in the same way that he does hence pushing for sex asap. It doesn't take much for a man to want a woman. I've been around men who were honest and said they would have sex with most of the women they saw. Many would have sex with a woman they flat out disliked bc they love sex that much. Many men date with the intention of having lots of nsa sex while maybe finding a romantic partner in the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I 100% concur with your statement. I, myself thought it should be common sense not to expect sex on the 1st date.... Same...but have seen a thread on here where the opposite was expected and put out there as the norm. It was from a guy perspective though. Link to post Share on other sites
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