Mysterio Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 So my buddy MK likes a girl at his gym. Our mutual friend VK, told him to go for it. The woman is a single mom of a 4 yr old. Not married and is a Christian. So MK did this. He asked her out on a date but here is where I think he sort of went wrong. He asked her for a Date at the Beach first. Then she started saying she has a 4 yr old, then he changed it to a coffee date and then she said she could not go out with him. 2 yrs ago or so in August of 2017. I asked out a woman at my gym and when we went for Lunch. I asked her if she was married. She said yes. I did express that I had a crush on her. Anyways. We finished up and when I run into her and her husband everything is fine. What I don't get is how I was able to go out with a Married woman for lunch, and she did not try to get out of it. Yet MK had more problems with the Single Mother, who won't give my MK a chance and all it would be is an outing of coffee/desert at most. Mind you the Beach date was a bit too much as she would be locked in. What makes someone more appealing over the other is a question that I can't seem to answer. It almost seems nowadays that men have to be picked by the woman, than vice versa for anything to start. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 A beach 1st date implies that your buddy was only interested in this woman's body. She didn't like that. Then he switched to coffee which makes him look cheap. He was OK with the gas & the food for the beach if she was scantily clad. Then it changed to coffee. If his offer of the beach was to include the kid, he may have been better off offering miniature golf or a picnic of sorts near a play ground. (Can 4 year olds play mini golf?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) Donnivan. I sort of get what you are saying. I don't think he was trying to get to see her in a bathing suit. The kid could have come along. MK is very physically active and I think his suggestion of the beach was to have more if a fun time. I don't know why she threw the kid in the situation. What single mother that has a kid would bring them on a first date. Not until they are BF/GF would there be any situation that they would introduce a child to a romantic prospect. I would not suggest an outing with a woman to go to the beach off the hop. Most it would be is Starbucks. I tend to choose restaurants. Not Red Lobster, but a meal and walk in our local village or the waterfront. I wonder if there was a guy that she was really interested in. If she would put up the blocks. Its not her obligation to go out with MK, but they had a repore. So its not like MK is a stranger to her. He has know her from the gym 2 months or so. Edited July 31, 2019 by Mysterio Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 She wasn't interested in him anyway regardless , simple. And yours, didn't you ask if she was seeing anyone let alone married, or look for a ring first , or didn't she tell you straight off. Anyway, means nothing it was just a lunch and a bit of fun to her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 If she was REALLY interested, no she might not have thrown up the roadblocks. Again, even if your buddy's motives were pure -- wanting an active date -- an offer for a 1st date beach date creeps a lot of women out. Once the well is poisoned, it's hard to recover. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 The woman that I asked out at the gym. She does not wear a wedding ring. I guess I could have said if she is marred from the start. I think I should have been told 10 seconds after I asked her for Lunch, stating her married status. It's not like I asked her out and rushed away from her presence. It was just next door to her work. I guess we really have to think about our approach. Like I said before. When I ask out a woman. Its usually Lunch. It's never something so over the top. I would never say. We should go swimming or to the beach, because it's too locked in a commitment. Our beaches in our city are going to be a minimum of 4 to 6-hour outing. Maybe a walk around our local Park/Waterfront and getting Ice Cream at best. My male friends that are hooked up. Married or Common Law. Their women basically did all the work. The Men to my knowledge did nothing. I don't know why dating has to be complicated. Or Perhaps. I care way too much. Even though I don't think I am committed for life or anything. All I want and my single friends is to go out and have a great time. It does not have to end in Sex and heavy commitment. That can evolve in time. If I date a woman and we are still hanging out in month 2 or 3 then I would say a romantic commitment might be in order. Not date 3. I am not saying you are stating this Donnivan. I am just sharing my views. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 It almost seems nowadays that men have to be picked by the woman, than vice versa for anything to start. dude, it's been like that for eons Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 If I date a woman and we are still hanging out in month 2 or 3 then I would say a romantic commitment might be in order. Not date 3. I don't understand what you are saying here because I don't know how you are defining certain terms. To me "hanging out" is not romantic. You are platonic & spending time with a friend -- no touching, no kissing & certainly no sex. So why would you do this for 2-3 months then expect it turn romantic? To me you'd be firmly in the friendzone. Are you trying to say that you would expect to date -- spend time together with somebody on a romantic level for some time -- at least 2-3 months -- before becoming exclusive? Here again I don't know what you mean by "romantic commitment". If you could please define that phrase it would help me figure out what you are trying to say. Thanks in advance for the clarification. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 After dating a woman for 3 months and having conversations that evolve to kissing/physical relations. I would say by month three we are a couple and would state that by making a commitment with her. Once again. The physical would have to be there when I am spending time with her. A Female friend. The frequency is not there and neither is the physical between us. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Mysterio With the clarification I think that sounds spot on. I think where a lot of people go wrong is that they expect a level of emotional intimacy, contact & reliability from the very beginning that is equal to the same levels more compatible with an LTR of several months / years. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 What I don't get is how I was able to go out with a Married woman for lunch, and she did not try to get out of it. Yet MK had more problems with the Single Mother, who won't give my MK a chance and all it would be is an outing of coffee/desert at most. Because the married lady was not interested in you romantically so going for a platonic lunch was OK in her mind. As soon as it became apparent you were interested in her as a date, she told you it was a no go as she is married. She no doubt saw you as a friendly guy from the gym, NOT as a potential mate. MK was seen as a suitor right away, he's single, she is single, a date is being offered here and as she was not interested in him, she had to shut him down early doors. NO to the beach, NO to coffee, and I guess NO to dinner, NO to a concert, NO to the movies, NO to a hike, NO to a ... He was never going to win there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 My friend wife JK is married to my buddy M. If a man from the gym asks her out to lunch. There is no way she is going out with him. She will state she is married and that will be the end of it. I think that R who is the lady that I asked out. I think she was curious. Why not state that she is married, so there is no awkwardness. She could have still stated that she was married and say no or yes. Why keep her status hidden from me. I was not rushing her. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) 2 yrs ago or so in August of 2017. I asked out a woman at my gym and when we went for Lunch. I asked her if she was married.Dumb thing to ask after you are already on the date I did express that I had a crush on her.Never ever ever tell a woman that till you are exclusive and can state it in the past tense. You just gave her all your power, if you ever had any. Although you already expressed your insecurity by asking if she was married. We finished up and when I run into her and her husband everything is fine. What I don't get is how I was able to go out with a Married woman for lunch, and she did not try to get out of it.She didn't consider it a date and didn't take you serious. What makes someone more appealing over the other is a question that I can't seem to answer.There are a bazillion YouTube videos on that. Go watch some. Corey Wayne's videos from a year ago and older are pretty good. His later ones he rambles too much. It almost seems nowadays that men have to be picked by the woman, than vice versa for anything to start.It has always been that way. Not knowing that is part of your problem. Edited July 31, 2019 by PRW Link to post Share on other sites
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