megan4321 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Bad relationship, tried to end times before and he has always talked me around. I know there are many reasons I let this happen some good some not so good. For my health and wellbeing I can no longer let him back into my life. This last time I found him out in yet another lie and he knew it. He hasn't contacted me since Sunday and I wont call him. This is normal behaviour for him. In my opinion he leaves things to die down, when things have been some what forgotten he calls as if nothing has happened. Not putting up with it any more. I don't want to talk with him, I don't want to discuss anything with him because all I'll get is that 'I'm over reacting', 'I'm not thinking straight', 'I'm wrong as he's not like that', 'we've been together too long to end things', I need you' and so one and so one and guilt tripping. I feel bad but have to do this. I am not going to answer my phone, reply to emails, I've already blocked him on other devices. This is hard to do because, yes I feel guilty. Any advice or thoughts on wont I'm doing. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 If you can't resist his verbal manipulation then I don't see where you have a choice. You have to exit the room. He can't influence you if he can't talk to you. It works every time. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Some lies are more forgivable than others. Example- you do look great in that dress (even if you don't). Forgiveable. Example- I didnt sleep with the babysitter (even if you did). Not forgiveable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 How about. 'Sorry I didn't call (as promised) or answered your call but I have been asleep all day. I can't believe I sleep 20hours' my reply ' I dont either'. He was in the pub...no big deal going to the pub, he should of said. Big deal is the lie. One lie...so....lots of lies....hurtful. That one was tame compared to some. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 How about. 'Sorry I didn't call (as promised) or answered your call but I have been asleep all day. I can't believe I sleep 20hours' my reply ' I dont either'. He was in the pub...no big deal going to the pub, he should of said. Big deal is the lie. One lie...so....lots of lies....hurtful. That one was tame compared to some. Then you have made the right choice. Keep it No Contact and one day you will meet someone who appreciates you for you. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Not only does he lie but he is extremely manipulative. He tries to make you doubt your own sanity. If you were to stay with him, he would do serious psychological damage to you. I am not exaggerating. Look up gaslighting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Yes he's already done that, I doubt myself a lot these days. I have no doubt that I can't see or talk to him again. This is because of the bewilderment I have surrounding him. It's not good and I feel quite nervous at present. I do hope he doesn't call because the thought of if he does causes dread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Have a text this morning asking if I want to meet up this afternoon. This is after he has been to hospital. He does have a back problem and has in the past had a heart problem where beats are irregular which I have felt sorry about but I don't want all this 'I'm ill, I need you' Feel like a terrible person but I can't tolerate everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 You have nothing to feel bad about and good for you for being so strong. Block every avenue possible where he might be able to get in touch and attempt to manipulate you. You're doing great so far Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I do hope he doesn't call because the thought of if he does causes dread. Megan are you emotionally bound to him and unable to break away or are you harboring thoughts of your love eventually changing him into the man you "know" he can be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 I realise I can not change him but yes I have had those thoughts at one time. Emotionally attached maybe in that he causes a lot of worrying emotions for me. The fear of abandoning someone and thinking of my self. I am finding this difficult but I know things can not continue as they are and I wont me back again. How to do that is another thing when I have terrible thoughts of how he is going to use what ever tactic he can think of to not let me go. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I realise I can not change him but yes I have had those thoughts at one time. Emotionally attached maybe in that he causes a lot of worrying emotions for me. The fear of abandoning someone and thinking of my self. I am finding this difficult but I know things can not continue as they are and I wont me back again. How to do that is another thing when I have terrible thoughts of how he is going to use what ever tactic he can think of to not let me go. Don't give him any opportunity to use any tactics. Like i said, block all avenues so he has no way to contact you. You are your own person. It's not upto him to let you go. It's up to you. He doesn't own you. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Do you have tough seasoned girlfriend you can call in to have your back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Practically yes I can cut all avenues, emotionally not so easy as I can't help feeling it is somewhat cruel. Bit concerned as to what he will do ie turn up at my home. I do try to focus on all the crappie things he has done but he has been so good at turning things around. Self doubt is my problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 I don't have a tough seasoned girlfriend I can call on. I do need a strong arm from somewhere though to keep me on track. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Practically yes I can cut all avenues, emotionally not so easy as I can't help feeling it is somewhat cruel. Bit concerned as to what he will do ie turn up at my home. I do try to focus on all the crappie things he has done but he has been so good at turning things around. Self doubt is my problem. What HE did was cruel. Beyond cruel. Don't feel guilty about kicking this guy to the curb. If he turns up don't answer the door. Pretend your not home. If he persists, report him to the police for harassment. Don't give in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 I wont give in. It's like a slow death I have to recover from. I'm sure I will feel better as time goes on and I have No contact, just feel really drained right now. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 If you are really serious this time about breaking up with him go ahead and block him. If he shows up at your house don't let him in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 3, 2019 Author Share Posted August 3, 2019 I am serious. I'm so angry. I keep reading things to help keep me focused. Had text and phone calls this morning, then email. He's annoyed I'm not answering his calls. He hasn't answered my calls lots of times and I haven't got into a hissy over it and he has always given lame excuses. And why hasn't he contacted me since Sunday. He's done that lots of times before, just disappearing and not answering calls. He's probably upset that I haven't called him either since Sunday, but I can't be arsed with his behaviour any more. Of course he's putting all on me... I haven't called him, it's not him ignoring me. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Megan send him a no contact letter or message. Make it clear you are through and moving on. You do not need to talk things out. Wish him the best. Make it a generic as possible and do not list the reasons why. He will only want to argue about it point by point. That way he doesn't have a defensible excuse for showing up like saying he was concerned for your welfare. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 I can tell by OP's latest post she is not going to block him and will more than likely take him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author megan4321 Posted August 3, 2019 Author Share Posted August 3, 2019 I haven't blocked him on my phone but have ignored. I can block now. Not sure how to block email. I will need to send email to say no more contact. It's hard to make it final but thats how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 OP feeling guilt is what he wants you to feel...it's about control. He's been gaslighting you long enough.....making you feel you the one making the mistakes, it's all in your head, guilting you out.....as you pull back he's gonna push. Push him BACK...block/delete and look the other way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Not sure how to block email. I will need to send email to say no more contact. It's hard to make it final but thats how I feel. Go on youtube, lots of how to videos, and no you don't have to send an email to say no more contact. His emails will simply go into the junk folder and you will never see them. Let him think you can still see them. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 You don't have to send an email saying No Contact just go NC, ghost him and be done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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