pepperbird Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 And what exactly does he do with that info? If ( and I say "if" as there is every chance his kids are genetically "his") these children have a different genetic father, the sooner that's known, the better. If they aren't, he and his wife can sit down and decide who they are going to handle the situation. It doesn't even have to be a DNA test for the truth to come out. Even blood type can spill the beans. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 Op, \the more I read this, the more unsettling it is. I'm especially concerned about the emotional component. Whether or not she slept with the guy may not be your biggest fish to fry. She developed a strong emotional connection to him, so much so that she was willing to risk her marriage home and children to maintain it. That's a huge concern. It wasn't a moment of weakness and a couple of flirty messages, it was a consistent series of choices made over a period of time. These were all actions she chose to take. Do you feel you can trust her? Does she even think she did anything wrong? If she does and is willing to work with you on your marriage, you might have a chance. If she doesn't think she did anything wrong and is only making her offer to shut you up, then I don't see success for you going forward. Repairing her marriage is going to take a lot of hard work, and she will not be able to blame you for her choices. That will all be on her. Do you think she has what it takes to take that on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 R U OK? R U going to D due to the severity of the A, the years of lies, the total disrespect to you and you marriage. Not to mention having him in your home with your children! A one off or a ONS but the effort to collude over so many years for you only to be Plan B. Time for you and your children to sever the marriage to the his WW. 50/50 custody. You were battling illness and working long hours to have him come and visit here at work and home, only to have her confess her love to him. She is one cold dude. ‘You are my drug’ really? Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 29, 2019 Share Posted August 29, 2019 She chose to marry and start a family with the OP, is still married to the OP, and whatever contact with the ex provided her - it ended with no intervention by the OP. In other words - she STILL chose the OP. Thats right out of the cheaters script. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 Because people are capable of self-assessment and self-correction. A few other facts: She chose to marry and start a family with the OP, is still married to the OP, and whatever contact with the ex provided her - it ended with no intervention by the OP. In other words - she STILL chose the OP. Maybe there's some things they need to hash out, but there is also a lot to work with. There is nothing to work with if she continues to lie about the situation. Who knows, maybe her affair partner got tired of her again and dumped her a seconded time. Some can argue chose OP or stuck with him because of the kids. What ever we might believe, she cheated on OP with her ex. He knows it was a EA and more then likely a PA. If he chooses to get divorced because of her actions that is on his wife because of her actions. If OP chooses to stay then that will be a lot of work from both sides. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted September 5, 2019 Author Share Posted September 5, 2019 Life just ****ing sucks sometimes, you know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 Life just ****ing sucks sometimes, you know? I am hearing you Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 Did something happen, or is it just the situation overall (very understandably)? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 Is there any new info you’ve learned? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted September 6, 2019 Author Share Posted September 6, 2019 Just the situation overall. Haven't gotten anything new. I've tried making her slip up in conversations about it but she is sticking to everything she told me before. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 Just the situation overall. Haven't gotten anything new. I've tried making her slip up in conversations about it but she is sticking to everything she told me before. This is your life now unless you DO SOMETHING. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 Expect to be physically sick...that’s was happens when’s you wallow in untruths. Link to post Share on other sites
IslandSanctuary Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Personally id divorce her. Inviting him to your home when you aren't there? The messages from him knowing how you feel about their relationship? Can you say DEALBREAKER? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 How are things Beaver? Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Personally id divorce her. Inviting him to your home when you aren't there? The messages from him knowing how you feel about their relationship? Can you say DEALBREAKER? IslandSanctuary: Are you going to follow your own advice? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Life just ****ing sucks sometimes, you know? Yes - but it doesn’t - when you aren’t letting others disrespect you! Set down a boundary with your cheating wife! Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Don't know why you think setting down boundaries with a cheating spouse does anything. Once the physical affair starts, the only thing that matters is if you are going to live with it or walk away. Staying sends the message that you will stay even after infidelity. At that point, you have become your own tormentor. They didn't respect you before, do you really think setting ground rules will change anything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Don't know why you think setting down boundaries with a cheating spouse does anything. Once the physical affair starts, the only thing that matters is if you are going to live with it or walk away. Staying sends the message that you will stay even after infidelity. At that point, you have become your own tormentor. They didn't respect you before, do you really think setting ground rules will change anything? Once an affair starts the choice is not limited to accept it or divorce. There is fighting it. Setting boundaries is part of fighting an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Fighting? For what? Once the affair happens, you've already been cheated on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IslandSanctuary Posted September 11, 2019 Share Posted September 11, 2019 Once an affair starts the choice is not limited to accept it or divorce. There is fighting it. Setting boundaries is part of fighting an affair. My personal choices in this instance are just divorce. Fighting it seems awful close to accepting it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 DNA tests are in progress. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I am very sorry to read that you have not resolved this yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Had a health issue to attend to. Seemed more important to stay alive than this whole thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 How is your health Beaver? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Hey Beaver how are you doing Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts