Turning point Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 Were you ever engaged to Jane Seymour? It depends on who you ask. (We don't really agree on that.) Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 (edited) OP is not damaging or blowing up his marriage. His wife's actions are. What a comfort that will be to the 4 year old and two younger siblings. OP - Do you wanna be D'man or do you want to be a father? Are you at war with your wife? Because that's where all this fight talk is coming from - other people's LOST battles. I can't tell if you're wife is faithful, but I do know that what people are recommending you do will not get you to the real truth. It will most certainly get you quickly to divorce, and once there none of it will benefit you in court. You're only going to get one shot at this, so make it count. Edited August 11, 2019 by Turning point Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 I honestly still feel like sh**. Doesnt help that I've got some unrelated health issue I'm waiting to hear the results of. Some days are easier than others but little things trigger me and the roller coaster ensues. I've been acting as if nothing is wrong for the kids' sake, but I dont know how long I can hold it together. I'm working long hours, and shes working long hours, so even if we were to try to discuss something, trying to sleep is more important. I dont know for sure what I'm doing yet because I cant even think about anything. Just staring at nothing with a blank mind. Hope you get good news with your health Beaver. Being numb is normal. This takes time Beaver to process and to start feeling anything close to normal again. It take 2 to 3 years to heal from a affair. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 ...About 2 years after we started dating, he got out of the military. Called her to let her know he was home for good now. They talked on the phone a couple times. I ended up telling her I was very uncomfortable with this. She said if I was that uncomfortable, she would quit talking to him, since he wasn't important anyway. Good, I feel better. Fast forward a few years, we've got a house. Got engaged ourselves. She left her phone open one evening and on the screen was her text conversation with her ex. I didn't read it because I was immediately upset. I asked her how he was doing when she came back in. She told me he was good, yadda yadda yadda. Asked her how long they had been talking and she said a couple years now. She left her phone open accidentally a few other times the same way with his texts up. Ended up finding out she had invited him to visit her at work (quarry office). She had even invited him to our home multiple times, after we had kids for sure, maybe before. He was aware of how I felt about the situation and laughed about it in texts. She never really responded to those texts though. She had kept their 'friendship' going up until about March of this year when it apparently abruptly stopped. She insists they are just friends but I cant help but feel otherwise about the whole thing, especially with her knowing how I felt about in the beginning... I'm genuinely confused. How is it possible to read this and believe that this is something other than a significant betrayal (even if not a full PA) or that OP is somehow fighting someone else's battle? It's his fiancee doing this, not someone else's. I really don't see the ambiguity here except was it PA or just EA with what very much look like attempts to take it beyond that. I'm not advocating for divorce or similar, but I'm quite certain folks have divorced over less than this. OP, if you end up reading the texts and there is absolutely no indication in the texts themselves that there was anything other than platonic friendship/catching up between them, then I guess that's what it was or at least all it can be shown to be. TONS of smoke, but no actual fire. I sincerely hope that is the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted August 11, 2019 Share Posted August 11, 2019 I'm genuinely confused. How is it possible to read this and believe that this is something other than a significant betrayal... Because it's the responsible thing to do. We have one specific window to this detail with no window at all to any of the history or relational dynamics. If by chance the OP had controlling tendencies regarding his wife's social connections then the story takes on a completely different color. His wife is cautiously revealing, and the evidence to date can be equally paired with a woman not free to choose her own friends or support system. I know what it looks like - but the view is significantly obstructed. There are more than enough people with left over gasoline wanting to fuel the flames. I'm not willing to throw a woman with three pre-school aged children under the bus without a damn good effort to preserve their family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted August 12, 2019 Share Posted August 12, 2019 Everyone please keep in mind that Loveshack is here so people can get different takes on their situations. That means that those taking the time to reply are not always going to see a situation through the same lens. Let's leave it up to the OP to decide what advice to take and what to discard rather then bickering over "facts" that will likely never be confirmed for anyone except the OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 13, 2019 Author Share Posted August 13, 2019 Sorry for no update. Haven't done anything yet. Just working on guitars now. Is there a recommendation for text message recovery software or programs? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Sorry for no update. Haven't done anything yet. Just working on guitars now. Is there a recommendation for text message recovery software or programs? Are you a luthier? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 13, 2019 Author Share Posted August 13, 2019 Are you a luthier? I wish. Just replacing worm pots and swapping pickups for a few buddies. Would love to build my own from scratch one day though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 I have never had reason to recover anything off the phone but the software I read about the most is called Dr.Fone. I can't personally vouch for it. I would take it to someone who could do it for me. Why spend the money on a program you will only be using one time? My main guitar is a Martin HD28 Herringbone. I bought it in 1983. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Fonelab is a top rated system. Google it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 13, 2019 Author Share Posted August 13, 2019 (edited) I have never had reason to recover anything off the phone but the software I read about the most is called Dr.Fone. I can't personally vouch for it. I love my Schecter Hellraiser. Edited August 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 I love my Schecter Hellraiser. Impressive! Your wife every accuse you of cheating on her with that sexy thing? (My feeble attempt to stay on topic.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 13, 2019 Author Share Posted August 13, 2019 (edited) @schlumpy... Only when I first got it lol. I think I take better care of it than I do of myself. Edited August 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Is there a recommendation for text message recovery software or programs? They are all over the net. Be aware however, that tapping your wife's phone is a felony. Only you know your wife well enough to predict what goes down if the software or your spying is discovered. Proceed at your own risk. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 (edited) If you and your wife are looking to recover deleted text messages it depends on what make of phone it is. Different programs work better for different [models] of phones. Also if it is an iPhone you might not be able to recover them. Edited August 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Typo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 15, 2019 Author Share Posted August 15, 2019 (edited) It's a Samsung s7 I believe Edited August 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Try Drfone recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 As I've posted on here before, my marriage ended because of a potential infidelity by my ex-wife. When things went south, I thought about going through many of the things you are; demand that she fork over her phone, search through the texts and messages, try and pull up deleted messages, etc..etc.. At the end of the day, I was going crazy and it was affecting every aspect of my life. I was anxious and irritable all the time, my work suffered, our home life wasn't fun and I just said the hell with it. The bottom line was simple; a trust had been broken that I, personally, couldn't move past. I had demanded that she cut off contact with the other guy early on in our relationship (he posted some incredibly inappropriate stuff on Facebook) but yet, there she was, talking to him. I did a lot of mental gymnastics and tried to convince myself that I could still trust her but I just couldn't. And that was the end of us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 (edited) As I've posted on here before, my marriage ended because of a potential infidelity by my ex-wife. When things went south, I thought about going through many of the things you are; demand that she fork over her phone, search through the texts and messages, try and pull up deleted messages, etc..etc.. I think OP mention that his wife is wanting to recover the text messages as well. She’s wanting to prove nothing happened by them. Edited August 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share Posted August 16, 2019 Have you done anything yet... to find out the info you’re searching for? We tried a text recovery program one evening this week but it kept hanging up on something. Time is something we dont have a lot of, but this weekend, grandparents are watching the kids and we are going to try some more and I'll try to get some truth out of her if I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 16, 2019 Share Posted August 16, 2019 The free systems may not get you what you need. It's worth $50 for peace of mind. Fonelab used to be top rated. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lewhawk Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 (edited) She, a year and a half ago, texted an old Ex, from 18 years ago, and they had a little pity party together complaining about the person they are each currently with and how they were starting to wish they had stayed together when they were together,...and then,...nothing,...absolutely nothing. They never got together, never did anything. She did not cheat. They basically just "vented" to each other and expressed their past regrets,...and who wouldn't under these conditions?. It was a year and a half ago to her, is recent to op and that’s what matters, you’re pretty much telling him to tattoo “welcome” on his back. Edited August 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Hey brother, hope all is well. How did the data recovery go? R U Ok and still talking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beaver0273 Posted August 23, 2019 Author Share Posted August 23, 2019 Hey brother, hope all is well. How did the data recovery go? R U Ok and still talking? Haven't gotten data recovery done yet. Haven't had enough time to figure out why it wasn't working before. We are still talking. I cant know what to do until I see what the data shows. Still a rollercoaster of emotions, but at least now i have a kit guitar to keep my mind occupied for a little while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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