lalila1 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 My ex and I (both 26) were together for 3 years, we broke up 5 days ago and the reasons were the fact that he wasn’t sure if he will love me in the future and wasn’t sure he’d marry me (but he wants to get married one day). Yesterday he told me he wanted to marry me next summer,he couldn’t see his life without me and was a fool for leaving me,hurting me and all he could think of was me.He told me to think about it and not move on. After that he went to his hometown to see his family (he had a surgery on his knee a month ago).I went to pay for his rent (because I didn’t want him to drive his knee is still not healed completely and so he could have time with his family ). 2 hours later he calls me in panic asking about std’s especially HPV how it is transmitted I tried to keep my calm as he was my ONLY partner and the first one I had sex with.He cried telling me that he just had unprotected sex with a girl he knew from Tinder, and when they were doing it she told him she had HPV in November, I listening to him telling me all the details.I tried my best to not show how hurt I was (because it hurts like hell I still love him) and tried to comfort him, told him that he wasn’t sure he got HPV to wait for the results,and it will heal there is always a solution and 95% of the population will have HPV at one point in their life time , I read articles about HPV to get him feel better. We talked the entire night as he was threatening to kill himself, hurt the girl if he was positive and how nothing would have happened if I had more sex with him during the relationship. After 5 hours on the phone he felt better and was not threatening himself or anyone else. The thing is I’m heartbroken, hearing your ex intimate details about another girl just 5 days after the break up is AWFUL and I just keep imagining it in my head over and over again,thinking he was doing it with while I was paying his rent, how he just told he wanted to marry me next summer. I’m about to block him from everywhere and move on, part of me feels bad for him but I don’t think I want to be hurt more than that and I don’t believe his words anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 tsk tsk it amazes me how bad people in their 20s treat each other 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Not to add to all the anxious thoughts swirling inside you, but my thought was that maybe he slept with her before the 5 days ago breakup, found out she had an std, became worried he'd pass it on to you, afraid you would then learn he cheated, so invented the breakup story thinking he could tell you he slept with the girl after you broke up (because then it's not technically cheating), only to reconcile with you. It seems his concious began to get the better of him (or not), and he didn't want to be broken up too long lest you slip from his grasp. If I were you, I would get the history from his Tinder to know exactly who and when this girl escapade occurred. Then demand her contact details and confirm directly with her. Do this even if you intend to break up for good, because this is your only opportunity to get the proof, and you'll thank yourself should you consider reconciling with him in the future. You need to know for sure! Don't trust his words. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 The guy isn't worth it. Move on. And if he's had sex that early on post breakup, he has. Find a guy that respects you more and won't fault you for his own BS. When people hookup on Tinder or any other site for that matter, they should know the risks involved. That's on him, not you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Sounds like you have made a lucky escape. Marrying him would have been the biggest mistake of your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
samjam7 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 tsk tsk it amazes me how bad people in their 20s treat each other He got a dose of karma! Link to post Share on other sites
samjam7 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Hearing these stories make me lose faith in this whole dating game. I am also coming out of a toxic relationship and it is hard. What I learned is that these guys will do ANYTHING like lying and what not to protect their ass. I honestly think he broke up with you because he had been hooking up with other girls. A person who can have sex with girls on tinder just five days post-BU is not a loyal individual. That is just my opinion. Damn! be glad the relationship lasted only 3 years and not any longer. I know you have invested ALOT in it. Please take care of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 You are not going to marry this guy. He's a punk. He was right to break up with you if he no longer felt the same, but very wrong to call you and cry about his new sex life. Threatening to kill himself, and hurt her? Grow up, dude. These are the risks you take when you have unprotected sex. He just freaked out when he learned the hard way why he should always use condoms with new partners. Tough lesson learned. Chances are that he's not being honest with you about the timeline of events, either. I would put money on him talking to this girl before he ended it with you. Stop being his shoulder to cry on. Block him so you don't subject yourself to more needless pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Why do you feel bad for him? He is a waste of space that used you to pay for his rent, said he wanted to marry you but dumped you because he didn't know if he would love you next year (what the hell, who says something like that?) then had sex with someone so fast before crying to you about his problems (again, who does that?) You don't need this douche in your life. You deserve so much better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalila1 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 thank you all for your comments a lot, do you think it will get better and i will move on? i keep crying and everything reminds me of him i still have his clothes at my appartment 1 Link to post Share on other sites
samjam7 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 thank you all for your comments a lot, do you think it will get better and i will move on? i keep crying and everything reminds me of him i still have his clothes at my appartment Yes, it usually gets better. The moving on process is not going to be easy but it is going to worth it. A cheater is never worth it. You will 100 percent move on and usually people do not move on when their partners were good individuals. That is clearly not the case here. You really dodged a bullet tbh. Imagine being married to him than finding out and getting HPV. He would have eventually cheated on you regardless. That speaks more about him as a person and nothing about you. You must be amazing that karma saved you like this. I also get reminded of my ex but it is just our brain going through withdrawal. Do you know any of his friends who can return his clothes? I would suggest putting his stuff out of your sight for now. Link to post Share on other sites
chrishen Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Don't feel bad for him. That's what you call KARMA! Feel bad for yourself, looking back 10 years from now if you take him back and then think about that regret you will feel knowing the time you wasted on such a manipulative loose cannon. You worked out the answer on your own which is good. Stuck to your guns, and keep moving forward (and away) from "that." Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Well bell glad he’s now your ex! Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 thank you all for your comments a lot, do you think it will get better and i will move on? i keep crying and everything reminds me of him i still have his clothes at my appartment Get rid of everything that belongs to him. It's not helping being there. It makes it harder. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 (edited) Didn't anyone else read this? how nothing would have happened if I had more sex with him during the relationship. That right there says you should block, delete, forget. Good lord, this guy is a POS. Count yourself lucky. Never look back. And, by the way, you should get yourself tested. The statement above implies he may have been with other women before this one while with you. He might have more than HPV. And something else occurred to me . . . he broke up with you, had sex with some girl, and then turns around and wants to marry you? Did he break up to justify getting laid by someone else before he asked you to marry him? Like a last hurrah or something -- a hall pass, of sorts? This guy is a giant d*uche. Edited August 3, 2019 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 We talked the entire night as he was threatening to kill himself, hurt the girl if he was positive and how nothing would have happened if I had more sex with him during the relationship. This is not the behavior of a mature, responsible, and well-adapted man. Sorry, he would never have had sex with another woman if you would have had more sex with him during the relationship? How about - he learns to take responsibility for his own decisions. This sounds about as mature as the argument “he hit me first.” I too think you dodged a bullet here. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Get yourself tested for STD’s. I wish you well as you move forward from this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 I think whatever the rights and wrongs about his behaviour here, he is clearly not mature. He would not have phoned you in a panic if he was, he would have contacted a clinic and taken advice there. If he was split up from you, then in theory he can sleep with others. I am sure you know that though. People react strangely when they split up, they are in a weird kind of limbo where they seek comfort. No consolation to you, I know. You don't need to all this stress from an ex. He is not as mature as you and it is really showing now. His lack of maturity means that he might try to contact you to be his 'parent' while he explores the outside world. It is best you do not allow him to do this. He needs to realise other people have feelings too and that you cannot mess around someone you are supposed to love and respect. It seems that you will be on a path to finding someone better, from now on. This guy is not showing he is able to cope with a mature relationship. Once you have got over him, I am sure you will find someone more suitable who you don't have to look after all the time. Sorry you are facing all this. Posting might help you to cope with the many feelings that you are dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 .I tried my best to not show how hurt I was (because it hurts like hell I still love him) and tried to comfort him, Comfort him?????? I would have jumped on him with both feet, told him to never, ever contact me again. He lied to you about wanting to get married. Is that the behavior of a man who is in love with you and wants you to be his wife. Why do you women put up with this kind of behavior from a man??? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts