Samuel_22 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Hello, I have been in this relationship for about a year now, and I am deeply in love with her, things started well and went on well until one day in the 8th month when I told her about my feelings and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, this is when things started to look nasty, she started acting distant and cold towards me, we had some talks and she told me she didn't want to marry me. I was dumb, I thought I could change this, I thought she would change, her ideas would change that she would one day want to settle down and maybe she was not ready back then, so I accepted her offer to stay her boyfriend. Things started to go well again, she kept telling me she loved me that she was crazy about me, she asked me a couple of time about our relationship and where I thought it was headed, I didn't tell her anything, I just circumvented the questions up until yesterday. Yesterday she told me she had a gathering with her friends and a number of her male friends, and she told me to go with her, so we went there and I saw a number of things I didn't like, I kept my cool and didn't say anything, I just wanted to seem confident. This morning I started to speak up, I told her that I didn't like the way she acted towards her male friends and that this was not respectful, she told me that she had made a mistake by taking me with her and that she should have told a lie and go out with them, then she told me she wanted me to understand that I am not her whole world, that she loves me but not that much to change her life for me. I asked her if it was her personality and she said no and that if she found the person whom she liked in every way that person would be her whole world. I told her I needed some space and that I wanted to think and she accepted that. Right now I am here I feel devastated, on the one hand I love her, I have done a lot of things for this relationship, I spent a lot of time and energy and money to make this relationship work since I truly and deeply loved her, on the other hand she doesn't seem to be that much into me, I frustrated, tired and the worst I don't know what to do, if I left her, I would be shipwrecked and I know it is going to take me years to forget her, If I continued, I wouldn't feel the same love again not after these words being exchanged. I just don't know help me please Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Samuel, In a nutshell, yes, you should break up with her. She's told you plainly she doesn't want to marry you. She disrespects you in public. Time to move on and find someone who treats you with love, care, trust and respect. I'm sorry x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Yes, I'm sorry for your heartache, but it's time you end this relationship. She was very clear in words and actions. Staying with her will only lead to more hurt and disappointment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Samuel, In a nutshell, yes, you should break up with her. She's told you plainly she doesn't want to marry you. She disrespects you in public. Time to move on and find someone who treats you with love, care, trust and respect. I'm sorry x I just don't know how to move on, I know it hasn't been a long relationship but it hurts, it is hard to move on while you are still in love Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I agree with the others that you should end this. She doesn't care about you and is very disrespectful to you. If she genuinely loved you she would not treat you like that. She doesn't sound like a very nice person at all. In fact she sounds downright nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 I agree with the others that you should end this. She doesn't care about you and is very disrespectful to you. If she genuinely loved you she would not treat you like that. She doesn't sound like a very nice person at all. In fact she sounds downright nasty. So I am going to end it, if she has taken me for granted, this might be a shock to wake her up, if not I'd better keep walking away. right? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 So I am going to end it, if she has taken me for granted, this might be a shock to wake her up, if not I'd better keep walking away. right? I don't think it will wake her up to be honest. I can see you are still holding out hope, but do you really want to be treated like that throughout your relationship? She wont stop behaving like that with guy friends and she's made it pretty clear that she's not in it for the long haul when she said she didn't want to marry you and that you are not her whole world. This means that you are not important to her enough and that she is not planning on spending the rest of her life with you. She is just with you until someone better comes along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 I don't think it will wake her up to be honest. I can see you are still holding out hope, but do you really want to be treated like that throughout your relationship? She wont stop behaving like that with guy friends and she's made it pretty clear that she's not in it for the long haul when she said she didn't want to marry you and that you are not her whole world. This means that you are not important to her enough and that she is not planning on spending the rest of her life with you. She is just with you until someone better comes along. I am not going to leave with the intention to wake her up, I am going to leave for the sake of finding peace, and you are right, she is not going to care, I have already lost, I embrace it, guys is it ok for men to cry? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I have been in this relationship for about a year now, and I am deeply in love with her, things started well and went on well until one day in the 8th month when I told her about my feelings and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, this is when things started to look nasty, she started acting distant and cold towards me, we had some talks and she told me she didn't want to marry me... Eight months in she told you where she stood. Now she has reiterated the same stance, 4 months later. She likes you, she may even love you, but she sees no future with you. Yes you could hang around till one day she meets Mr Right, but don't do that. Clean break, don't look back. Sorry! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I am not going to leave with the intention to wake her up, I am going to leave for the sake of finding peace, and you are right, she is not going to care, I have already lost, I embrace it, guys is it ok for men to cry? Yes, it is very healthy for you to cry. Just don't cry in front of anyone who would mock you for it (she might be one of those). Be well and don't give up on love. There are lots of great ladies out there when you're ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I am not going to leave with the intention to wake her up, I am going to leave for the sake of finding peace, and you are right, she is not going to care, I have already lost, I embrace it, guys is it ok for men to cry? Of course it's OK for men to cry. Healthy outlet for your emotions. (Giving you a virtual hug). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Of course it's OK for men to cry. Healthy outlet for your emotions. (Giving you a virtual hug). Thank you all for being this kind and lovely, I will always remember you guys, I never thought I could cry this much, while I was crying I was looking at your comments, you made me not give up on humanity, and I am thankful for that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I just don't know how to move on, I know it hasn't been a long relationship but it hurts, it is hard to move on while you are still in love ... I never thought I could cry this much... Very true, yes it hurts. But the emotions will fade over time. And you will move on... So I am going to end it, if she has taken me for granted, this might be a shock to wake her up, if not I'd better keep walking away. right? Right. And it's unlikely to change her core feelings/situation. Clean break, don't look back. Sorry! Agree (and with others w/ similar takes). Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 The way I read her is that she informed you indirectly that her preferred life style is polyamorous or open relationship. If you can accept that then stay a part of her stable. If not, try to find someone who is looking for a lifelong commitment. If you chose to go dark make sure its total. She allowed you into her world and she is not going to take your rejection lightly. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
samjam7 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Yes, you should. This is not the girl for you. Before things get worse and she dumps you or cheats on you I think you break up. Link to post Share on other sites
samjam7 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 I am not going to leave with the intention to wake her up, I am going to leave for the sake of finding peace, and you are right, she is not going to care, I have already lost, I embrace it, guys is it ok for men to cry? You have not lost. You have won in the long run. Yes, it is completely fine. I actually find it attractive when a guy is confident enough to show his emotions and vulnerability. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Crying is natural and instinctive, Samuel, of course it is ok. It is essential to relieve stress in fact. I am sorry you are in pain. This is just one of those situations where she wants a more open relationship and to date but not be committed - and you are ready for commitment and fidelity. You are right to walk away from this. There are so many lovely women out there looking for the same as you. When you have come through this painful period, you will start to look outwards and see a whole new world of hope. Hugs xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Hey Samuel, I remember commenting on some of your threads not long after I joined LS. I went back to refresh my memory, because I recall we butted heads a few times. Anyway, skimming those threads made me think about your current situation. Do you remember how bad you felt at that time? How it seemed like you weren't ever going to move past it? Well, I think that applies to this current girlfriend. You may feel more strongly about her in terms of wanting to build a life together. But trust me when I say that trying to emotionally invest in someone who has basically told you that you really aren't "the one" for them is a pointless and draining effort. You will never be able to do enough to have her feel the way you do about her. So I think you should end things. She's been kind enough to be transparent about her feelings. Imagine if you had married her, had kids, gotten a house together and all that. Then 10 years in she tells you that she never felt totally in love with you. Imagine the devastation. You've been given an out to avoid that complete and utter emotional wreckage. It sucks now, but take it. You will move on and you will be available for someone who can truly feel you are their "everything." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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