Cbarges26 Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Ok guys, So, this is a complicated, crazy situation but I’m sure everyone had gone through it. Please tell me what you would do: I was dating this older guy for 6 months. I fell for him fast & told him how much I liked him & wanted him, etc only to get shut down with him telling me in response that he’s not ready for a relationship. We still talked, hung out and developed this SITUATIONSHIP. I’d spend the night over at his place, have my son around him & we’d do couple things with no title. Eventually, I fell madly inlove with him & couldn’t resist or let go, but I found myself heading towards a downward spiral. Fast forward a couple of months later, I found out that his ex wanted him back. She text and called me & he admitted to me that he still loved her. I blocked him out of my life for 3 months straight! He’d have mutual friends call & ask about me to talk to him. As of recently, I’ve reached out to him and we talked. He told me how much he missed me. I met him face to face, we had sex , but now my feelings are all mixed. The time I was avoiding him, he claimed that he was trying his hardest to reach me. (Popping up unannounced at my house, job). I feel as though I should make him sweat a little more. I know I deserve more. I haven’t talked to him since yesterday. A mutual friend told me to ignore him for 3 weeks. I’m highly taking that into consideration Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 So is he with his ex? Did he tell you he now wants a relationship with YOU? At this point you have had some space to think things over. Have you thought about what you want and need from him? Is he willing to give you those things? If he has not changed his tune what is the point of going back to what you had? It will just mess you up more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cbarges26 Posted August 4, 2019 Author Share Posted August 4, 2019 (edited) From what he told me, they’ve been broken up. I guess there’s still some strong feelings there. He’s told me in past conversations that she wants him back and me being so sucked in, I believed that he didn’t want her. Since the bad fall out, he says he’s missed me so much & wanted to explain to me that it want what it blew up to be. I find it hard to believe. Even after we met up & talked, I still felt uneasy. I just don’t understand why I had to exclude myself from him for him to put so much thought into what he did or how much he missed me. Over all, he’s still not ready to be in a relationship. We probably shouldn’t have had sex. I now have mixed emotions. At this point, I feel that I should do what’s best for me and just leave the whole situation alone. I refuse to get hurt again & to answer your question, he never said he wanted to be with me. I asked him if he thought about a relationship during the distance & he said he did, but as of now a relationship isn’t what he wants . I feel like I’m worthy of a relationship. I’m a good woman, but not good enough to be yours? Edited August 4, 2019 by Cbarges26 More detail Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 He sounds like a narcissist,...just using people for himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 (edited) What were you doing having your son around him so soon, and now look , poof, gone, poor son. As far as he goes, he doesn't sound near as in it as you. Edited August 4, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 He isn't ready for a relationship, nor will he ever be with his ex still in the picture. There really isn't much of anything you can do other than just letting him go. Even if you did have a relationship with him, she'd still always be in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 It is a situation you are in, it is sneaky and tricky. If your love guy is older then he most probably has more baggage and issues in his life. You are a woman, I don't think in your you will struggle with romance, but please go out of this scenario, out of the picture and have look from outside. Look at it without people's/ friend's opinions or your inhibitions about ideal love etc. Ask yourself what you want for your life yourself, and then ask what you want from him and what he most probably/realistically can provide you with, are there areas in your life or emotions that you will be willing to sacrifice or compromise to be with him. Be real to yourself, when he thinks of you which head does he use (that is not relevant-just had to somehow work it in). But realistically, man is man is a man as the saying goes, he will do anything for that goodness- all is fair in love and war-another saying. Sometimes you are just one of his rotation girls, that he manages with efficiency. Its nice to have love and turmoil in your life-that's how women operate, remember, if a man loves you and wants to be with you, not just sex, you will know literally, by now you would still love him but be bored and overwhelmed with the attention. Don't give up on him if you love him, don't be petty, but release the guy. The intensity with which you hold him in your self-even the fact that you deliberately try to not contact him or ignore him means you influence things. Let him loose, be willing to live without him and love until it fades or stays. Do not compromise yourself because you have responsibility towards yourself also. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Hi yourself, Would you mind talking about yourself? What are your hopes for the future? Do you want to be married, have two kids and house with a white picket fence? What kind of man do you see yourself with if you could pick and choose? Do you have a job you like? Are you religious? Do you have any interests that you can share? Have all the men you were involved with been "older men"? When I read your post it's a whirlwind of activity that doesn't seem particularly pointed in any one direction. I need to see who you are and what you hope to achieve in life and not just what you will accept. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 As a man I can tell you he just wants you to have sex with you, nothing more serious, ever. He is not ready for a relationship, with you specifically. You say you know your value so remove him from your life for good, no contact, no meetings, nothing and find someone better who appreciates you for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 I fell for him fast & told him how much I liked him & wanted him, etc only to get shut down with him telling me in response that he’s not ready for a relationship.l You see, I would have walked at this point, especially when you had, in your own words, fallen for him fast. He made himself more than clear. Sorry OP. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 concentrate on raising your son instead of fleeting "relationships" with men who don't care for you Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 (edited) If the guy is not 'ready' to be in a relationship with you, it means he does not value you above his freedom or other potential relationships. It has to be your choice, but it sounds like you can go on being in a 'situationship' with him whereby he dallies with his ex or others (because he is not in a relationship with you) or you can dump him and give yourself the chance of something better with someone else. This guy can say all the lovey-dovey things he wants - about missing you, trying to contact you, etc. - but is he saying he missed you so much he now wants to settle down in a relationship with you? Don't you deserve a guy that wants you that much? Edited August 5, 2019 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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