Aedae Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Hi guys. I've been very confused and sad the past few days My girlfriend dumped me a couple weeks ago unexpectedly but at the same time not too unexpected? I need some advice. A little context first. I asked her out over a year ago and we've been dating ever since. We had been friends prior for about a year too and we were really great friends. We talked all the time and had a ton in common and that's when our relationship formed. My girlfriend is someone who has some issues (mostly anxiety, but not depression I believe) and it seemed to get in the way of everything but not until the last six months or so of our relationship. She was afraid of what people thought of her because of dating me (we are LDR and some people don't respect that I guess?) and her parents weren't too fond of it either. She became very distant the last few months and would barely talk to me during the day and then come to me at night feeling really guilty and upset that she wasn't around and that was just a repeated process until I started getting upset about it and that's when she seemed to want to end it. She told me after she broke up with me that it was because she wanted to focus on herself but I always allowed her to do that. She also said she felt our relationship was stagnant since our conversations became boring but that's only because she stopped putting effort into them. I always kept up talking to her but she randomly just didn't seem to want to talk to me. After she broke up with me, she became slightly depressed because she I thought I hated her and she still wanted to be friends with me. I don't know what to do. She was my everything. I want her back but I really don't know why she became distant in the first place. I don't think she's completely content with this decision since she hasn't told anyone we broke up and she apparently had a really hard time doing it. She also mentioned possibly getting back together in the future but she's really undecided and blames herself for everything wrong that happened and thinks she'll still be ****ty to me if we were together again. As of now she's just been with her friends and stuff and we aren't really talking. I'm currently not really messaging her unless she messages me first because I want to give her space since that seems to be what she wants. When we have talked recently, it's still boring and distant whereas I notice she doesn't do that to anyone else. She used to be head over heels for me and wanted me around 24/7 and this is a complete 180 and not the girl I knew. I really want her back. What do I do now? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Suddenly acting distant - No effort or spark in the conversation - statements such as "I don't deserve you or I don't treat you well." Sorry, but there is someone else. Start detaching to minimize the blow to come. Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 You mentioned this is an LDR - how far apart are you, and how much time did you spend together in person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aedae Posted August 4, 2019 Author Share Posted August 4, 2019 You mentioned this is an LDR - how far apart are you, and how much time did you spend together in person? Only like a short plane ride away. We hadn't met up in person at all yet but we were gettin close to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Only like a short plane ride away. We hadn't met up in person at all yet but we were gettin close to it. That's not a real relationship. Get off the computer and go meet women in real life. Women you can laugh with, hold hands, kiss and actually get to know. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Only like a short plane ride away. We hadn't met up in person at all yet but we were gettin close to it. Ah, this is why I asked. I don't mean to be unkind, but this isn't dating when you have never gone on a date with each other. You two got too attached to an online friendship, and it lost its novelty for her. A virtual relationship is no match for real-life interaction and dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aedae Posted August 4, 2019 Author Share Posted August 4, 2019 That's not a real relationship. Get off the computer and go meet women in real life. Women you can laugh with, hold hands, kiss and actually get to know. I was sitting at work as I wrote this post and I am sitting at work now. In a sense I get where you are coming from but if you're too fixated on being a douche about it than it's just a waste to respond. I came on here for advice and this is not what I needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 I was sitting at work as I wrote this post and I am sitting at work now. In a sense I get where you are coming from but if you're too fixated on being a douche about it than it's just a waste to respond. I came on here for advice and this is not what I needed. If you can't handle honesty, you're in the wrong place. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 It is really hard to maintain a long-distance relationship even when you have both met in person. One or the other is likely to meet someone nearby in person. The best one can hope for is occasional weekend meetings with lots of travel in between. I suspect she has got to know someone else and is seeing how impractical a long-distance relationship is. I am sure she still cares for you but she has drifted away and has now confirmed it is over. I am sorry you are in this situation because an online relationship where two minds are interacting and sharing can feel just as significant as one where you both meet. Unfortunately, it is rarely satisfactory for long. I think it would be futile to try to get her back or make her feel bad for opting out (not that you would). If you get into anything online again, try to make sure it is someone nearby so if you do get emotionally involved, there is a real chance of it developing in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 5, 2019 Share Posted August 5, 2019 Suddenly acting distant - No effort or spark in the conversation - statements such as "I don't deserve you or I don't treat you well." Sorry, but there is someone else. Start detaching to minimize the blow to come. Best Wishes Agreed^^^. Sorry OP. Link to post Share on other sites
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