Smutek Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 So we dated for 3 years then he broke up with me for a few reasons but mostly because I became depressed and he couldn't deal with it. Since we broke up I've changed a lot and become more motivated even lost 40 lbs. He still wants to be friends and I've accepted that. I was feeling ok with it, yes I still have feelings but had kind of accepted things as they were. I kept getting the feeling when we spent time together that he still had feelings for me and asked him about it. He said he thinks it's because of a bond we have or because we've known eachother so long. The next day(after we had just spent time together) I get a notification that he reacted to a message from 2 months ago where I told him I loved him which he did by accident but still proves he was scrolling back and reading old messages. I asked why he was reading messages from months ago and he said he just reads back people's messages sometimes. Just need some opinions on this, it's driving me nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Not sure what opinions you are looking for, he is the only one that knows the answer to your question. Talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 What were the other reasons he broke up with you? How was your depression affecting the relationship, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smutek Posted August 4, 2019 Author Share Posted August 4, 2019 He had asked me to do things to get out of the depression like join an activity and hang out with friends and I didn't do any of those things until after we broke up( or very minimal). He's a little angry that I didn't make changes until after things ended but I wasn't in the right frame of mind then. It would be easier to move on if he felt nothing towards me but it doesn't seem like that's the case. Could be part of the reason he still wants me in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Dumpers often go through a transition, too. They're not used to being alone without their constant companion, so even when they wanted the relationship to end, they're often a little shell-shocked by singledom too. So, many will keep in touch with their exes as they get adjusted to the new landscape in their lives. It doesn't always mean they want their exes back, though. Only your ex would be able to confirm that. I don't see too many indicators yet that he's had a change of heart, but I would be curious to know how long ago you broke up and how often you have seen or spoken to each other since then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smutek Posted August 4, 2019 Author Share Posted August 4, 2019 (edited) We see eachother at least once a week and text pretty often. The break up was 6 months ago. I'm not saying he wants to get back together, my theory is that he has feelings for me still but won't commit because of that past. But it feels like he's lying about his feelings for me. Also wondering why he wants to be friends if he's not over things, I'd think it'd make it harder to move on. I've been feeling like I've been dillusional about things until all these little signs kept popping up. Edited August 4, 2019 by Smutek Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 Unfortunately, in these situations, the dumper does eventually start to fade when they meet someone else. Has he expressed any desire in trying again? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 This is driving you nuts because you are attempting the impossible, something most of us have attempted when we've been dumped. We secretly try to win the other person back. We try to be friends, but really we want more than friendship. Yes, he likes you, but he broke up with you and he wouldn't have done that had he wanted to date you. The hardest thing about getting dumped and letting go the fantasy that the dumper just made a little thinking error. They're really happy with me. They like me. They will see it if I'm just patient. No, they won't. Have you ever accidentally, casually broken up with someone? People put a ton of thought into breaking up ... Right now, you've still got this guy at the center of your life. You need to go no contact ... so that you don't think about your life in terms of him. You lost weight--great! ... for you! ... not to impress him ... not to win him back. But great for you! Let go and move on ... You're prolonging the torture of breaking up ... and many of us do that as well ... eventually, after banging our heads against the wall, we finally let go and at some point we wonder, what the heck made me think this person was the only one in the world I could be happy with. Link to post Share on other sites
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