knockout Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 I was casually talking to my wife about our past relationships (dont know how the topic came up) and she told me about a sexual relationship she had with someone before we met. I know of one other partner she had b4 we met. but not about this one. Ahe said she dated this guy for 3 months, but never told me that b4, ( i never asked either) I know this has nothing to do with our relationship and it shouldnt, and I know Im the one with the problem, but I just can't seem to stop thinking about this other partner she had in the past that i am just findind out about now. We have a great relationship, and I thought I knew everything about her (past and present) but I guess I don't. I wish she told me b4 we got married (I never asked) and I know it shouldnt matter, but I cant help but stop thinking about it. You all probably think Im crazy!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 You're not crazy, you just happened to open a can of worms without knowing it. What is in the past should stay in the past and not matter in the present. She is still the same person you fell inlove with and married. Don't beat yourself up for it, you probably weren't expecting her answer and since it wasn't brought up in the past, hearing it now has upset you. You have every right to react and feel the way you do - But don't let it consume you and don't take it another level - meaning, it just doesn't mean anything as she's your wife. Stay in the now. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 yes you are being crazy. Grow up-believe it or not, she had a life BEFORE you (or are you too egotisitcal to acknowledge that FACT?) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 He is still allowed to have feelings on it. My god, lighten UP Port! Nobody's perfect and happy all the time! I'm sure he knows she had a life before him, duh! Just wasn't what he was expecting considering it didn't come up in the past, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 I had a similar experience happen to me only with a GF.. One day we were talking about sexual experiences and she laid this one experience out that made think .. Wow.. what a slut.. But I realized after I said that to myself that she has a past and so do I.. It isn't about how well you know your wife.. You can't know everything about her. Now that you know about it you just need to place it and continue like nothing ever happened.. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 I don't see where the issue is. She had two guys before you instead of just one? Was there something unusual or slutty about the story? 2 guys is nothing to get turned off by. Now if it was 12 or something before you, that's different Link to post Share on other sites
hyjacked Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Fellow dude, really, consider what the folks have told you. Think about this.. Thank her for trusting you enough to tell you and build her confindense in you that she is safe to share with her husband anything she wants or needs. You both will need a whole lot of trust together in your futures to have a FUN and successful marriage. Believe me this is a very small exercise for what comes along. Thank goodness you did get a small exercise. Hey she didnt tell you she was formally a male, she had aids once but it cleared up or she was really a lezbian just checking things out. Manage with yourself with the fear and hurt manhood feelings. Dont start shooting your foot already. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 You're not crazy, but if you don't drop it then you probably are. You're hung up on the fact that she didn't tell you before you married her. But, ya know what, we all have skeletons in the closet that we don't feel comfortable showing our partners. Let it go dude. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 KO, I think you're overreacting. Almost everybody has a past. The only questions that should concern you about the sexual history of somebody you're in a relationship with are: 1) Are they disease free? 2) Were they cheaters? For whatever reason, number of previous sexual partners isn't something that's ever really bugged me about a woman. I was a virgin when I first met my now-exwife. I knew I wasn't her first; found out about a year later that she'd been with five guys before me. In all honesty, that surprised me a bit, but I can't say I was bothered by it for more than a day or so. It was her life, and she owed me neither an explanation nor an apology for choices she made before we even met. (Of course, during the marriage she became a lying serial cheat, but that's another story.) Of all the women I've slept with since separation, the lowest "magic number" I've encountered is two (not including me). And the number relates to instances of penetrative sex, thus leaving out BJs, etc. The last woman I dated for a few months had had nine partners before me. Didn't bug me; if anything it made it very easy and natural for us to talk about sexual topics, our likes and dislikes, etc. So, buddy... relax. You can't change her past, it had nothing to do with you, and it's not her fault that you never asked before now. As long as she wasn't carrying a disease, she didn't have to give you her sexual resume. And besides which, she's with you now. Focus on the now and leave the pre-you past where it belongs. Link to post Share on other sites
eff Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 I just got done going through the same thing. Only it was around 30 partners I didn't know about, I actually ran across a list . Thats something NO guy wants to find. Bugged me for a while. Then I talked to my friend. Who Married a VERY experienced woman, and also... was on my G/F's list. (They used to date in High School). Basicly what he said was this: The best thing you could do is put away that list and forget it exists. It doesn't matter if you should care or shouldn't. If you keep thinking about it you'll only grow spite for her. She's with you now. As long as the list stops there, move on. Damn good advice if you ask me. I think you should probably do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 2 guys is nothing to get turned off by. Now if it was 12 or something before you, that's different Geeezeeeee..... I hope my H will never ask about the past experiences if a couple of dozen is shocking to most guys! a4a- not a slut just enjoy it too much! Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Don't worry you'll get over it, does she know about every single sexual experience you've ever had? Just part of life. Link to post Share on other sites
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