Jump to content

My husband doesn't do enough


Recommended Posts

salparadise
Is this normal? Are most dad's like this?! I went to a relationship counsellar who told me most men are like this, they need to be told what to do. But I call BS on that, and to add to that even when I tell him what to do he does it wrong or way too slow anyway.

 

Yes, most are like this, however, I'm sure you deserve one who knows what you're about to think a few minutes before you think it, and takes care of whatever you're about to want quickly and completely just before it crosses your mind. You deserve one who lives to make your live easy, to relieve you of any worry, undesirable chores or responsibilities, and whose dedication in service to you is larger and brighter than the sun. And he should otherwise be alpha as well.

 

So your son didn't do any homework for an entire year, and you were okay with that because it was proving a point? What does it look like when YOU take responsibility for his homework? Does your son not take initiative on his own either? Have you tried saying to your son, "son, your homework is your responsibility?"

 

Let me give you a little clue... when a person tries to please, but is always criticized and the effort is met with certain disapproval, they quit. It's a natural consequence, similar to how appreciation and encouragement foster enthusiasm and a can-do attitude. Look up B.F. Skinner and operant conditioning and see if reinforcing desired behaviors yields results. Dog trainers have learned to only use positive reinforcement, because punishment tends to kill spirit. You don't want to kill the spirit.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
When a father does the smallest thing for his child, he is praised as if he is such a wonderful parent. A father who takes his child to the park or reads a book to his child is put on a pedestal. Women don't get the same amount of praise for all of the mundane tasks associated with motherhood because we are expected to complete them.

s.

 

Unfortunately I have to agree with this. I cant recall how many times I was stopped, by women and complimented because I was simply doing my job as a father. On the other hand I've seen women with kids in each hand pulling a bus with her teeth and no one even does a double take...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I guess that is why mother's get all the love and praise from society in general.

 

I guess back in the old days mother's who were depressed, bored and financially strapped just sucked it up and did their jobs. I'm sure all of them weren't slap happy about their lives. I doubt they were chugging down wine and xanex either to get them through it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess back in the old days mother's who were depressed, bored and financially strapped just sucked it up and did their jobs. I'm sure all of them weren't slap happy about their lives. I doubt they were chugging down wine and xanex either to get them through it.

 

Gin... and carted off to the local mental institution.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Those mother were family centric nowadays they are more selfish. In reality there has been a shift with men moving from selfish to family and women moving from family to selfish. I dont think that is necessarily a bad thing. All people need to take care of themselves as well.

 

I was born in the 70's my mother's life was me and my two siblings. When we left she struggled to find her new identity. Today, it doesn't seem that as many women struggle with that, they are doing it while the kids are being raised.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BettyDraper
Mental health issues are a very good reason why this can happen. Not all people who can't get it together go shopping and to tennis with their friends.

 

I have far more sympathy for those who are legitimately struggling with mental illness than those who use it as a convenient excuse to be lazy and selfish.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes it is very difficult to say who is struggling with their mental health.

Some put on a very good show to the world, but are in a complete mess mentally.

We all know about the smiling and happy guy or girl who committed suicide one day to everyone's complete surprise...

 

I would also suggest anyone with a messy home and neglected children is probably not "lazy and entitled" but is probably struggling mentally.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

This is all just noise unless the OP returns and puts her comments in some perspective.

 

Without more info, easy to build a case for either side...

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
Well I guess that is why mother's get all the love and praise from society in general.

 

I guess back in the old days mother's who were depressed, bored and financially strapped just sucked it up and did their jobs. I'm sure all of them weren't slap happy about their lives. I doubt they were chugging down wine and xanex either to get them through it.

 

On top of gin and asylums, there was rampant opiate abuse. "Nerve tonic" they used to call it. Also known as laudanam.

 

Also, look up the diagnosis of "hysteria". And I also bet that instead of asking for advice on the interwebs, they talked about it with their neighbours.

Edited by basil67
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...