The only thing that bothers me is the lack of conversation

[Misstu]

I met this guy a couple of months ago and we are in a relationship.

 

He is a nice guy, very sweet and caring and serious, the sex is great, and the only thing that bothers me is the lack of conversation that flows.

 

I need mind stimulation as much as anything else, and I love to have those kind of conversations that just don’t stop, that just flow effortlessly. That doesn’t happen with him.

 

He doesn’t talk much, and if I don’t initiate conversations or ask questions he doesn’t say much and just stays next to me.

 

Even when I try to make conversation, I do most of the talking and the conversation doesn’t flow.

 

It’s probably the way he is, and I don’t know if I should point this out to him? I mean, conversation should flow effortlessly without the need to point it out, right?

 

Many times I get to a point where I’m just bored. What do you advise? Thank you

[basil67]

End it - he is who he is. But be honest about needing someone who's more chatty.

[Mr. Lucky]

the sex is great

 

I have a female friend I've know since college, one of the smartest and most personable folks I've ever encountered. I recently met Husband #2, good looking but dumb as a post. When I asked her about stimulating conversation, she said "that's what friends are for".

 

Pick one - sex or companionship - or pick someone else...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

Good point Mr Lucky. While hubby is generally an allrounder, I know better than to discuss anything involving feelings or frustration. That's what friends are for.

[schlumpy]

Only a few privileged people find someone who checks every box. Most of us miss a few and have to compensate.

 

 

Best Wishes

[basil67]

I heard that back in the old days, the people in the village would serve our different needs. One friend may give comfort. Another friend may give support. The husband/wife made babies and kept a roof over your head. These days, we too often expect one person to do the role which was previously shared around.

[Foxhall]

I agree with Schlumpy on this one,

 

I have a slight issue also with Basil's comment "He is who he is"

 

Why should he be pigeon holed in that sense?

 

Does he not get the chance to become a better conversationalist, will he always be a poor conversationalist,

 

what are the chap's own thoughts on this,

 

I know I struggled with conversation but I always wanted to be better at it and through perseverance and feeling foolish along the way, I have improved at it,

 

there are the people along the way who try to knock you- "youll never be a good talker"- this sort of shyt.

and I always said "***k you"

 

OP, you need to get this out on the table ( and I dont mean the sex-lol)

 

you need to speak to him about why he will not converse more,

 

and why are you not prepared to help him improve at this, conversation can be a learned skill too,

 

the chap may be happy as he is now, but if he were to become a better talker, he will likely be happier,

 

we should always aim to improve ourselves -not just accept who we are- and I think you should help him to do this.

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

I met this guy a couple of months ago and we are in a relationship.

 

Sorry this isn't advice, but I'm just curious, how did you two end up in a relationship if this bothers you? I ask because with my struggles with conversation, I'm afraid of being perceived as boring as well, which is why I seek out conversationalists to learn from, but I fear they wouldn't want a relationship with me. Did you ignore the lack of conversation because the sex was so great, his amazing personality, and/or something else? Thanks!

[basil67]

Foxhall has a good point about whether or not he wants to be a better conversationalist.

[Mysterio]

When I have to state what I want in a woman romantically. This is what I want.

 

Interesting Conversations and Laughs.

Shared Social and Recreational Activities.

Physical Affection.

Support/Flexable/Space

 

That's it in a nutshell for me.

 

I think that maybe you should give it one more month and try to do activities where you have to talk about it afterwards. See Movies/Bands/Bowling/Pool.

[spiritedaway2003]

My advice? If the lack of conversation flow bothers you, have a talk with him about your concern first. Give him a chance to give you his take. Good luck.

[LuckyM]

Are you talking about yourself or your interests?

 

Try talking about his interests, if he has any. Talk about a shared activity. Don't ask questions--they appear nosy or intrusive.

 

Some people, especially men, do not say much, are very reserved, silent. Or they will only talk about very few things. You will not change that. If it really bothers you, then find another guy. Do his eyes show interest or is he bored?

I can tell by the eyes and expression whether someone is very bored.