Using Tinder for social anxiety?

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

Hi everyone, I’ve been thinking about using Tinder to break my social anxiety. Since I refuse to date anyone who actually uses the app, I’d feel less pressure, so I would talk and meet up with almost every man I match with, regardless of looks and compatibility (obviously in a safe way,) and it’d be a quick and easy way to practice my social skills around guys.

 

I’m looking for opinions and advice from anyone on this idea. Is there a better way to achieve less social anxiety? Also, since I was quite sheltered growing up, thus pretty modest, and I’ve never used the app, is there anything I should be aware of and cautious about? I always research things beforehand though, so of course I’m also going to do my own research on the dangers of the app before I use it. Thanks!

[Mr. Lucky]

Since I refuse to date anyone who actually uses the app' date=' I’d feel less pressure, so I would talk and meet up with almost every man I match with, regardless of looks and compatibility (obviously in a safe way,) and it’d be a quick and easy way to practice my social skills around guys. [/quote']

 

I'm confused. You refuse to date those on the app, so you'd just be meeting up with them to practice your conversational skills?

 

Isn't that slightly misleading and deceptive? Do they also get to pay for coffee, dinner or drinks on these "dry runs"?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

Haha, no to making them pay for me. I would always pay for my own things. I was thinking about sometimes doing fun things too like festivals or something. I guess it could be misleading, but I mean people go on one date together all the time and then just part ways, so is there that much harm?

[Cersei]

I think it's a great idea to use tinder for this.

 

Some use Tinder for hookups, some use it for friendships, some use it for relationships. Use it for what you need.

 

You never know what may come from it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Not a terrible idea, but if you're going to do this I'd stick to coffee or drinks....not festivals.

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess it could be misleading' date=' but I mean people go on one date together all the time and then just part ways, so is there that much harm?[/quote']

 

I'm not the target demographic, but I'd guess most on Tinder are looking for more than conversation.

 

Is there a reason you wouldn't disclose your intentions up front or in your profile?

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

Haha' date=' no to making them pay for me. I would always pay for my own things. I was thinking about sometimes doing fun things too like festivals or something. I guess it could be misleading, but I mean people go on one date together all the time and then just part ways, so is there that much harm?[/quote']

 

If the latter example involves two people who are both genuine about finding a match, then it's fine. But you're not being genuine - you're just using them for social skills practice. It's not even like you would remotely be an option for them because you judge them for using Tinder.

 

It would be far more honorable to join a social group and learn to talk to others in a casual environment.

[Foxhall]

yes agreeing with the two previous posters here,

 

I am not familiar with tinder actually, but the general perception is that it is quite sexually oriented or more so than the standard dating sites anyway,

 

so you are likely to be meeting plenty of lads looking to get laid as quickly as possible,

 

hardly a great mechanism for practicing your social skills,

 

I would suggest the more reserved sites like elite singles, or Basil's suggestion there is probably the best, work on talking to people casually before you go dating.

[stillafool]

I thought Tinder was a hook up site. Aren't there other sites that are less sexual than Tinder you could try or are you looking for sexual conversation?

[d0nnivain]

No. If you actually have social anxiety -- as in a diagnosed medical condition -- get help from a doctor or licensed therapist.

 

If you are misusing that term for being shy, join a group called ToastMasters. The whole point of that group is overcome shyness.

 

To use a dating site, to make somebody looking for a date think you are interested so you can overcome some problem of yours knowing that you would never date somebody from that app is simply cruel. You can't feel better by making somebody else feel pain.

[cezar]

Tinder is good for banging but not for girlfriend finding

[JEG88]

Using dating sites to gain confidence on how to go about dating and talking to people is one thing, if your eventual intent during the process is to find a partner. I think that's totally fine and one of the main points of OLD.

 

But as others have said, it's pretty manipulative to only use it for improving anxiety with no intent to actually date anyone.

[LauraXX]

I don't know about Tinder in the USA but over here it started as a hook-up site but definitely isn't anymore. Every single single person I know is on there. Some are looking for relationships, some strictly for sex, some for people to show them around (lots of tourists in my city) and some even use it for business now.

 

I think it's fine to use it in any way you want to and just have fun with it. But please be honest about your intentions. I'd feel horrible if I went on a date with a guy, really liked him, only to find out that he looks down on Tinder users and just used me to practice his conversational skills.

 

And I don't really get the whole 'refusing to date a Tinder user but still wanting to be a Tinder user'. Doesn't make sense to me and it sounds a bit arrogant tbh...

[crispytoast]

Hi everyone' date=' I’ve been thinking about using Tinder to break my social anxiety. Since I refuse to date anyone who actually uses the app, I’d feel less pressure, so I would talk and meet up with almost every man I match with, regardless of looks and compatibility (obviously in a safe way,) and it’d be a quick and easy way to practice my social skills around guys. [/quote']

Suuuuuure and next thing you know you'll be dating someone you met on Tinder.